I'm 21 and have been with my boyfriend for two years; we've lived together for a year and have a 9 month old daughter. He also has an 11 year old son who, it seems to me, is with us ALL THE TIME. In reality, he is with us every weekend (from Friday after-school to Sunday evening), every Monday from after-school til 6.30 and every Tuesday from after-school til 6pm. He is also with us from 8am til 6pm every single day of every school holiday and inset day. Recently, I expressed an interest in going to church (with my boyfriend and daughter - as a family) and getting the baby Christened, which was not a well-received suggestion as my SS has football every Sunday morning. Also, he says he doesn't like going to church, so had been spending Sunday mornings with his mum (which was fine by me!). However, now that the football season has started, my boyfriend has said that he doesn't want to miss any of his son's football, not even half of one game. So now we are having to leave church early or not go at all - either that, or I can go on my own, which I don't want as I want to do things with my partner. He seems to think I'm unreasonable for wanting him to do it with me and that his son is infallable. No matter how many times the kid sulks and moans that he "doesn't want to go to church cos it's boring", it's always me who's in the wrong for, apparently, putting my partner in an awkward situation, one where he has to choose, though I don't see it's just me who's doing this. My SS even said to his dad on Saturday evening "You don't have to go to church, you could come and watch me" - he was upset that his dad wasn't going to be there for the warm-up...we had already explained that we would be there for the entire match. Whether I liked it or not!
I love the rare occasions when I get my partner to myself, and can watch him give our daughter his undivided attention. My birthday falls on a Sunday this year and I asked if we could spend just that weekend on our own - one weekend out of 52. My partner agreed, but SS wasn't happy. Of course, he didn't say anything to me, he waited til they were alone before guilt-tripping his dad, so now he's going to be with us on the Monday because he's "missing the weekend".
The worst thing is that when SS ISN'T with us as much as usual, not only does HE get annoyed and resentful but my boyfriend gets upset too. He says that they used to spend so much time together and now things have changed and he doesn't like it. I just feel like nothing I do is appreciated, nothing I want or feel matters. My SS mum works a lot and often goes away on business, or just goes on holiday with her husband, and neither my boyfriend or SS mention the fact that the boy is with us every time this happens. Sometimes for ten days at a time (the next time being in November, which will be for two weeks including the weekends). Neither of them seem to care or even thought about the fact that I will be missing the Weds and Thurs that I normally have alone with my boyfriend and daughter. It seems some things only work one way.
So, bearing all that in mind, I really don't think that the VERY occasional day here and there would make much difference but apparently it does. I constantly feel like me and my daughter are second best, and I really can't see why. It confuses me because our daughter is so beautiful and advanced and yet he doesn't get upset if she goes to spend the weekend with my parents. But if he doesn't see his son when he "normally would" then it's a big issue. And I HATE it. It's also changing my attitude towards my SS. I'm starting to see him as clingy and manipulative. I know 11 isn't THAT old, but it's surely old enough to see that we need a bit of leeway sometimes.
For example, yesterday evening, my boyfriend drove ten miles down the road to drop his son home (which happens every Sunday, at Bm's insistance) and on the way mentioned that he wouldn't be able to watch the boy play football next Sunday (which, incidentally, is the only time it would have happened in five years). My SS then got very grumpy and said it wasn't fair then said that he wouldn't play in the game if his dad wasn't there to watch. To my mind, that is manipulative and also ungrateful because we hadn't said that he couldn't play, just that we wouldn't be there to watch it. Since then, I've thought about it and decided that there is no point trying to change the way the two of them are because they both just get pissed off with me so I told my boyfriend he might as well go and watch him play cos that's when he seems happiest.

It feels to me like I am not enough to make my boyfriend happy and that his son is still the most important person in his life even after all we've been through. I'm at the stage now where I'm sure the only way I could get the same consideration and attention from my him that his son gets is by living somewhere else and not seeing him for a couple of days every week. Which, obviously, is not what I want.

HELP!!!