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My 9 y.o. stepson is starting to tear me and my husband apart

youngstepmom85's picture

Submitted by youngstepmom85 on Mon, 07/11/2011 - 9:19pm

any help would be so much help...I have a 9 y.o. stepson who in the four years that my husband and i have been married has slowly started to manipulate our marriage. It started with little things such as running to his father if he didn't like my answer, but now has turned into lies, stealing and my husband doesn't seem to see what he is doing, but rather arguing with me that I am too hard on my stepson and that i need to stop being so hard on him. I realize that he has been through a lot...was taken away from his bio-mom for abuse neglect and abandonment but if he is acting like this at 9, what about when he is a teenager. My step-son will even sit and laugh when his father is arguing with me about something that he just ran to his father about when I didn't even do anything...I just walked through the door from work. My step-son has given me four black eyes in four years along with a broken tooth and many bruises because his temper gets out of control. I cannot take the stress anymore, and need to do something or I feel that my marriage is in serious danger Cray 2

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shootingstarz's picture

Submitted by shootingstarz on Mon, 07/11/2011 - 10:23pm

The kid has given you black eyes and broken a tooth? Wtf?! What did DH do about that?

You and DH need to be on the same page. Or SS will continue to be the boss over both of you. And yes, teenage years will only be worse. Those are the years that I fear. His kids are behaved now... But I doubt they will always be that way.

Your DH needs a wake up call. I hope you find a way to give that to him.

Done WIth It's picture

Submitted by Done WIth It on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 1:03am

After the first black eye, the father should have made sure the kid knew not to lay a finger on you.

It's not your husband or SS that concerns me....it's YOU.

The damage a 9 year old boy has inflicted on you is so wrong. I don't know if you understand how terribly wrong and not normal it is. How wrong the father sticks up for his lying bullying son. A child beats you so fiercely. What a nightmare!!

I don't know what your life has been that you feel beatings by a child are acceptable but I will tell you're headed for severe trouble. It isn't going to get better and it's only going to be a short time before it's a fists or a knife on you. The father and the kid aren't mentally stable. Protect yourself from these monsters.

This sick boy and his enabling father sound like a death sentence. Get out and far away from this horrible brutal existence you are in. It is sick sick sick!!!

youngstepmom85's picture

Submitted by youngstepmom85 on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 11:24am

Last night was kinda like a final straw for me and once my stepson went to bed, the husband and i had a very long discussion, in fact it lasted almost six hours....we talked about everything and i didn't allow him to talk until i had said everything that was going through my head. He states that he does see what has been going on and he states that he realizes that he needs to start handling these thing differently.

My SS when he has hit me in the past my husband has stood up and said that this isn't right and then does sit down and punish my ss and then explains to him that if he continues down that path what will happen and that he will end up like his bio mom...this then turns into my ss crying and apologizing and then its months and months before anything physical happens...i notice that when the physical part comes out it is when he gets extremely angry...i am wondering if there are ways that i can prevent him from getting this angry.

I love them both dearly and my husband and ss are my world...they have been there when my immediate family hasn't...we have all been through a lot together and I want it to work out but looking for suggestions.

As far as pediatric counseling my ss is seeing a counselor (and has since my husband got full custody) on his own but the counselor reports to us that he won't open up to her about what happened to him as a child...he does wake up in the middle of the night with night terrors from what happened to him as a young child...i have began to learn what has happened in his past and realize that it was horrific...my husband tells me that when he first got custody my ss use to call women all kinds of names and use to hit my MIL when she was around or anyother woman, aka my SIL when they would try and get close to them...he has come a long way but still has outbursts....i just want to be able to prevent these outbursts.

I know that if things don't change and quick that I will have to do something about taking myself out of the equation but I don't want it to get to that point.

The other thing is that I want to be able to have a child with my husband because my ss states that he wants a sibling because he knows that his bio-mom has other children with other men that were taken away from her (3 others to be exact) that all live with their fathers and he wants to have a sibling. Before because of my physical 'women' problems cause me to not be able to have kids, but i don't want to bring a child into this situation.

Any suggestions?