BM kicked out MSD18 and GB...
DH came home yesterday after work and says:
"MSD18 called today and said BM kicked her out and was charging her rent."
MSD18 is still in HS and has a baby. I guess she went back to her BD's house. He too is still in HS and lives with his parents. I think in general it's probably a better situation then being at BM's. For the GB at least. I think her BD is more concerned with being a kid then being a dad.
She has no car. No real place to live. A baby that was born 3 months pre-mature and still has issues. I wouldnt doubt that she doesnt end up pregnant again soon just to ensure she can stay with the BF.
Not sure if MSD is lying about BM making her pay rent. I wouldnt put it past BM but also wouldnt put it past MSD to be lying about it to make BM look bad.
I'm already annoyed enough that DH is paying CS on a kid that has her own kid and is 18. Just counting down the few months until she graduates and DH can go back and get it re-evaluated.
I didnt ask any questions as to why she got kicked out or anything else. She may have asked DH if she could move in with us which he knows better then to even bring that up because it would be a big fat NO. Baby or no baby, she is a thief, a liar, manipulator.
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Mom making her pay rent and
Mom making her pay rent and kicking her out when she didn't is great.
When you make adult choices, (having a baby) you have adult responsibilities. She's 18 with a child. She should be paying something. Unless mom was charging her market rate rent, then mom was spot on.
Adults don't get to live rent free. If you don't pay your rent, your landlord will kick you out.
I would agree with this 100%
I would agree with this 100% IF she wasn't in HS. And BM is collecting CS for MSD.
But all everything else... yes I agree. She decided to have a baby and wanted to be an adult so she will have to learn like everyone else.
But a small part of me feels "bad" in the sense that here is another BM having a baby with no help or support and she is repeating what her own BM did (even though BM and DH got married)and it's just a cycle and here is to another BM on welfare and food stamps.
well wait. to be honest I
well wait. to be honest I dont know that I blame BM for charging her rent.
a baby herself? she gave up her status of being a normal teenage student when she wasnt responsible enough to take birth control. period end of story.
and just as you feel that because DH shouldnt be paying child support for an 18 year old that already has a baby, I am sure BM feels she shouldnt be paying for SK's baby she had.
make sense now?
No BM shouldnt be paying for
No BM shouldnt be paying for MSD's baby but she has no problem collecting CS from DH that is suppose to go to MSD yet MSD doesn't live with her. That is my only "problem".
And I highly doubt that BM is paying anything for the baby. MSD gets WIC, does work (part time) and I know the BD and his parents pay for everything else.
But in general, no BM doesnt have to agree to have a baby live in her home just because MSD is in school.
The girl works so she should
The girl works so she should be paying something for her and her child to live in mom's home.
I'm all for parents being hard asses if their teens have babies. If you make life easy for them, they may think being a teen mom is a piece cake. That may lead to them having baby number two.
The girl has the government providing formula. The father and his family paying for stuff. Her mom providing shelter, electric, heat, water.... Your husband paying CS. Why should she be the only one not paying something to support herself and her child?
I agree she should pay
I agree she should pay something...I really do.... I guess I just think with her being in HS it makes things a little different, even as a teen mom.
I am by far not the biggest supporter at all of MSD and I can probably think of 100 reasons why BM probably rightfully kicked her out. But I guess I look at it, she is trying... she is still in school... she is working... she is a decent mom (from what I have seen). I have no idea why BM kicked her out, so I cant say, I wish BM would help her out more....and especially cant say that when I know DH and I wont let her live with us.
Well DH would... but he knows I wont go for it, so he won't even bring it up.
but zero who's fault is it
but zero who's fault is it that DH is paying child support for SD who isnt living in BM home?
Your DH
First and foremost, this sounds recent like she recently move out due to an arguement, so what has she been there a week maybe two? If your DH doesnt want to pay CS then your DH needs to file with the court and show that SD has moved out and is no longer living with his ex wife.
more then likely by the time you get ti court she will have graduated but then blame the court for delays in how long it will take to stop it not BM.
I am both BM and SM. So I get both sides. I am also overly fair when I respond here I try to see both sides. You have to place blame where blame is, or do something to change what is going on.
In this case I know and you know the speed of the court so we both know if he filed tomorrow more with proof of her new address (which means she has changed her address with her employer for w2's and with the school) it is still going to be 3 months before he gets to court. You and I both know she isnt changing all those addresses. The other thing is, is the court paperwork written with visitation included in the calculation for CS? because obviously she hasnt been coming for "visitation" so to speak for some time.
and I am not sure if you saw it but I did ask if CS is an huge issue when SD left BM's house why did she not come with her baby to stay with you again? not sure I see that answer anywhere?
MSD has never lived with me
MSD has never lived with me and DH.
Where you in HS when she
Where you in HS when she charged you that?
Yes I agree that MSD needs a stable place.
She lived with her BF after she found out and she was pregnant and up until the baby was a few months old. (he was born in May). I was hoping that she would stay with the BF because I think being there would be better for the baby- who sadly is innocent in all of this. I think she was only back at BM's house for maybe 3-4 months.
Baby or no baby she is still
Baby or no baby she is still in HS. IMO I dont think she should be charging her rent to live in the house while she is still in HS. That is all I am saying...... Yes she may be 18 but she is still in HS.
I dont really think the baby adds much to what BM is already paying for supporting MSD. NOT that I am saying it's right or shouldnt make a difference. But it's not like when MSD and the baby are living with her she is paying that much extra to have the baby there.
With that being said I 100% agree that since MSD wanted to be a grown up- the circumstances change....
I dont care what BM does or doesn't do or MSD. I really dont care. I know they are all crazy and have drama. Do I think it's stupid that DH is paying CS for MSD-Yes- do I think its fair that BM is taking that money now for herself since MSD doesnt live in the home anymore... yes... but really outside of bitching about it here, it doesnt change what goes on in my home or life.....
Exactly! Where does she get
Exactly! Where does she get off collecting support without supporting a kid? PERIOD have your DH prove your SD isn't living with BM anymore. Take SD with you to the court to sware to it too. Then if you are that concerned have SD live with you and get support from BM until SD graduates. Terrible thing to do to a kid who screwed up. She has already had her punishment she is a teen mom why do people feel the need to make it harder on them.
ZERO - I would be pissed too.
ZERO - I would be pissed too. BM making SD pay rent when she is still in highschool is rediculous! BM was part of the reason this happened. If BM would have put the girl on the shot and tried to prevent this from happeneing then BM might have a leg to stand on. BM is collecting child support on this girl and that is to go directly to the SD's shelter, food and activities. BM wants to charge her daughter rent and collect child support too! How greedy is that?
If BM is trying to teach responsibility here then she should stop collecting child support and then tell the girl to find another place to live. You don't collect support on a kid then tell them to leave if they can't pay their rent and keep collecting the support. That is plain wrong!
Yeah the way I see it if DH
Yeah the way I see it if DH is still legally responsible to pay CS to MSD because she is 18 but not graduated yet(and her having a baby weighs no factor in that with the CS office) then BM should still be responsible in some way to take care of MSD, especially if she is collecting the CS.
I dont know that BM isn't going to give that money to MSD but..... I wouldn't bet my first born on it.
IF I thought that BM was trying to teach MSD to be responsible by charging her rent then I would be okay with it. And of course I dont know what is going on there and can't make assumptions but BM is just greedy. I think she is doing it more to punish MSD for having a baby then to teach her responsibilty. That is what I have a problem with. No matter how much I dislike MSD.
but msd could very well live
but msd could very well live with you and husband, that is my point.
"to take care of MSD" yes but BM is not just taking care of sd. she is taking care of baby too. rent/mortage, electric, heat ect. this is not just about what the state pays and frankly your DH isnt the only one paying child support. every tax payer in your state is paying childsupport for her baby.
i dont agree with the person above that said that it is BM fault that SD got pregnant. BM didnt spread her legs using no birth control. Zero's SD did. And if we want to lay blame on parents for teenage pregnancy then we have to look at her Daddy in this equation as well.
We always talk about holding steps responsible, until BM does it then it is wrong. and why because she isnt going to run to the child support office and surrender her child support?
The only person responsible for correcting that is DH.
I feel strongly that a mother
I feel strongly that a mother should know her daughter well enough to know when to put her daughter on birth control. I do not feel that fathers have that same obligation when it comes to their daughters. I do however feel they do when it comes to their sons.
My opinion on the matter of the pregnancy has nothing to do with the child support. Since you brought that up, yes in this case I feel this woman is a sorry excuse for a mother. Collecting money from the father to support the child but then telling the child she wants support from her as well. Now if she tells her child to get a part time job to pay for her child's needs that is different, but it still is not money owed to BM unless she is paying for the baby up front and being reimbursed.
Exactly (about the money
Exactly (about the money issue).
I do feel that a mother and father should teach children about having safe sex. BM was letting MSD stay the night with the BF. IMO she should have put MSD on birth control then. DH had no clue that she was staying with the BF. BUT I did tell him that the way MSD acted I would not be surprised that she was having sex but as a Dad and his "princess" he chose to stick his head in the ground.
Making her pay rent while in
Making her pay rent while in HS is so wrong. IF she is going to school and working part time to pay for things like diapers (WIC doesn't pay for those!) and clothes, that should be enough for now. Add paying rent to this girl while in school is just wrong. Who is raising this baby is she is in school for most of the day and working nights and weekends??
Last time I asked her, she
Last time I asked her, she said BF and his family would watch the baby, her friend's mom and sometimes BM and YSD14.