I guess it's time to ask for help
I have three step kids...two are identical twins, boys, very different from each other..they are 11.
And a stepdaughter ,TNS, who is 5.
One of the twins TJS, is a diabetic and has ADHD and has bed wetting issues. The other twin, TIS has asthma and is hitting puberty thousand miles an hour. TNS stopped using her binky pretty mutch when I moved in two years ago. They are great kids but latelly things have been going out of hand for me.
They spend the night at their mom's on mondays, wednesdays and fridays. She thinks the way my husband and I race the kids is stupid but will call us immediatelly whenever there is an issue in her house...it's absolutelly ridiculous...But as long as the kids see that we are all in the same team when it's about rasing them..it's OK.
Weekeds are pretty much open, but since I am a "stay home mom" to be able to take care of my now 1 year old, all the kids stay with me for the whole day untill their mom pick them up at 5:30 pm whenever is her night....It's summer and we could not afford summer vacatios...they are with me all day long...this is their home, I am their step mother....It's just that it's starting to feel like I just put too much on my plate... TJS has a hard time telling the truth, has a very manipulating personality, creates a lot of conflict and drama...and most of the day acts like a zombie on purpose and does not listen or pretends he's not listening...he does the same thing to his mom, but as soon as his dad is home..he changes.
TIS is a very pleasant kid to have around, he tends to think he's the boss of the rest of the kids..I just have to remind him once in a while to be a kid.
TNS and I have our own little sistem to make things work..and it works
She is very demanding for "alone time" and attention, she is infatuated with her daddy, respects me and I know she loves me, but her heart is for her dad and her baby step sister..she treats her mom in a very different way thought... and it's sad to see how she is starting to lie like her brother TJS and treat both her brothers horribly.
All this put toghether in one day, with just me to handle it...untill 5pm...
I love my husband and I love my stepkids...but every day I wake up, no matter how hard I try not to I feel sad and tyred and in a bad mood....I don't know what to do
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Camp
Can these kids go to camp or bible school or something some of the time, so you don't have all of them at once? Are you keeping them every weekday, every week? When does the mom keep them?
It sounds great like you care about the children, but I can just imagine all of them at once would be overwhelming and I think the solution is to lessen the time you have them all to yourself. Talk to your DH and tell him, that is just too much for you to do at once!! and with a toddler too, forget it!!
Write back and tell us what happens!
"It's funny how dogs and cats know the inside of folks better than other folks do, isn't it?"
- Eleanor H. Porter (1868 - 1920), 'Pollyanna', 1912
That is a lot to handle
Just because you're a stay-at-home mom it doesn't mean that you automatically get stuck with the stepkids that much. That's crazy. I know I couldn't handle it. I mean, I completely understand where you're coming from. Money is tight, so it's cheaper for you to watch the kids. However, it doesn't sound like BM is pulling her weight. The situation sounds very unfair. What kind of custody do you guys have? If it's 50/50, BM needs to chip in here. She should pay for summer camp or some sort of activity for her time.
I more than likely will be facing a similar situation next year. We have 50/50 custody (for the time being, it will be changing soon) & every summer SD8 either goes to daycare or summer day camp. Both my husband & I work full-time. Putting her in either of those places costs us a small fortune, but we don't have any other options. Some summers, SD8 spends time with my husband's parents, but BM has ruined that for us this summer & last summer. SD8 likes summer day camp, but says should would rather stay home. Now my question is what would SD8 do all day if she stayed home?!! She's one of those kids that can't entertain herself.
I am pregnant & due in February. At that point, I won't be working full-time anymore. (I might have to work part-time, though, depending on who gets custody of SD8 when we go to court.) So there's a chance that next summer SD8 *COULD* stay home with me if that's what she really wants. And even though it would save us quite a bit of $$$, I question how much of my sanity will be left after all that time with SD8. Though a lot will be different by then. I will have a 6 month old to care for & if we did get custody of SD8, she will be able to make friends near us. Plus, by then she'll be almost 10, so I think she can pick up more responsibility around the house, too. And maybe her grandparents will finally be able to spend time with her again, since we'll have a schedule ironed out way in advance without BM meddling to screw it up.
Anyway, I'll have to read your other blog to learn more about your situation. It just sounds like BM isn't doing her part here. It's really too much, especially since you have a 1 year old at home!
your skid 8
I really hope you get full custody, that will make things a lot stable for you and your SD, she could help you with your baby, since she will be old enough, that will help you connect with her, she will be able to have a normal life with you, her baby brother or sister and her father.
BM's will always be there, they are part of our lives too, but having full custody will give you the oportunity to have controll...
Thank you for replying to my blog!
Thak you so much for your comments! It helps a lot!
BM....where do I start...She is someone I cannot get to understand.
When her and DH got a divorce the first thing she said was "so when am I going to see the kids?" they have joint custody, no one pays for child support, she takes my skids to her house every monday, wednesday and friday night..for example: she picks them up monday at 5:15 pm and dropps them off back home tuesday at 8:00am.
She spends the whole day with them on saturdays or sundays.
She works full time but cannot afford her life style because how she says..she's got spending issues...She's not a bad person,just..extremelly immature...and she knows she is lucky for having the relationship we have..but it has taken me a lot of patience.
She is trying to be "aunt BM" to my daughter and offers to watch her and calls me to ask me what dress she should pick for my daughter..I just tell her "thank you so much but honeslty TNS really needs shoes so why don't you do that instead?" it's weird...She told my DH once that she will always be there for him through thin and thick...I told her...please, don't get things mixed up.. we are all toghether in this for the kids.. you had your chance to be through thick and thin with my DH!...anyways...
She will pay for the kids clothes and the food they eat at her house..but since she's got some kind of weird guilt issues with the skids, she will buy them toys, take them to the movies, out to eat and will fill their lives with frivolous things that just make the skids feel like going to her house means going to an amusement park..when they don't behave at her house she calls us immediatelly to ask for advice and tells them everytime that things will be different for now on and that she will be just how WE are with them...she won't keep up with it because that is impossible.. she is different than us, she can't think like us, she just needs to be consistent and stop calling her home "a layed back home"...
things are just way too different at her house, I am not there to see it... I just see the result on the kids...
We have tried having the skids every other week,or swtching days but it's not goot for TJS 11 and the rest of the skids miss us or their BM misses them...in the end..I am the one that has them all day while DH and BM are at work........since she has spending issues, and my DH pays for meds, insurance, food for 6 mouths in our home, will soon pay for counseling and a psychiatrist for TJS 11 and live paycheck to paycheck none of us can afford any kid of camp or day care ..I cannot go to my yoga class or go climbing if I want to because I can't even afford a baby sitter for my daughter right now.
the only relatives my skids have in this state are their grandmother (BM's mom) who spoils them horrbly and does not like TNS 5 (???).....BM tells me that I need to take a break..but she does not do anything about it, she just tells me I can leave the skids at her house...Alone? she calls them all the time and everybody checks on them.. and yeah that gives me the time to do what I need to do...but is it fear for them? ...I guess it's less fear for them to see me unhappy and tyred every morning...
I'm embarassed for making this blog so long...this site is a place to vent right?
Thank You for listening