You are here

I think I want to leave

andrea's picture

Submitted by andrea on Fri, 09/04/2009 - 1:57pm

I think I've had all I can take. DH keeps trying to talk to BM and the SS is such a pain. I am only 21 years old and I don't think I have what it takes to deal with this crap anymore.

Comments

startingover2010's picture

Submitted by startingover2010 on Fri, 09/04/2009 - 2:08pm

have you been with him? how is ss a pain? what is dh trying to talk to bm about?

a little more info is appreciated please, then i can maybe give u some advice.

take care hun

andrea's picture

Submitted by andrea on Fri, 09/04/2009 - 2:14pm

I've been with him for a little more than 2 years, we've lived together for about a year. SS is a pain because he doesn't listen, has no respect for anyone or anything. He is 7 and still wets the bed which I have to clean up. He is mean to my daughter, takes her toys, shoves her, breaks her things.
DH talks to BM almost daily about his day, her day, SSs day, what we had for dinner, how long it took him to get home from work today, what she did all day, how much she loves/hates her new boss, how much money she has, everything.
I asked him to quit talking to her unless it directly concerns SS because our lives are none of her business and I don't give a crap about her life. Now he either talks to her all the way home from work (now an hour drive) or waits until I go to bed (I go to bed early because I have to get up at 5:30 to get his kid up and around) and then calls to give her the daily update.

onehappygirl's picture

Submitted by onehappygirl on Fri, 09/04/2009 - 2:23pm

Geez! It sounds like they are still married. Nope, you don't deserve that. Get on with your life without a man who already has a wife and kids.

______________________________________

Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

now4teens's picture

Submitted by now4teens on Fri, 09/04/2009 - 4:09pm

He's trying to have his cake and eat it, too.
If he wanted THIS much of a relationship with his ex, then they should have never split up and he should have never gotten into a relationship with you.

You're being played. I'm sorry if it sounds harsh, sweetie, but you are far too young to be dealing with this kind of crap.

Get out now while you can. Find a man who will want to devote his life and his time to you and place YOU as his NUMBER ONE PRIORITY!!

"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"

belleboudeuse's picture

Submitted by belleboudeuse on Fri, 09/04/2009 - 6:57pm

When I was dating my now husband, he used to do some of this stuff. I sat down with him and calmly said, "You need to decide who you're going to be married to, because I'm a catch, and I'm worth more than this. I deserve to be with someone who doesn't already have a wife. If you decide that you're still committed to her, fine, I'll wish you a nice life, but the man who will be my husband will never put me in second place." He got it. If yours doesn't, it's time to leave. You're only 21 -- your life will be SO much better with someone who knows that you shouldn't have to share him.

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

AllSmiles's picture

Submitted by AllSmiles on Fri, 09/04/2009 - 2:37pm

. Not trying to be negative, but seriously, run. Find a man with no children. I know that sounds harsh but in reality you are young and time is on your side. You can easily find a wonderful life partner that is 100% devoted to you.

What you are describing doesn't get better. Picture the life you want then go get it. You don't have to be on this support board, you can run.

"Courage is fear holding on a minute longer." General George S. Patton

AllSmiles's picture

Submitted by AllSmiles on Fri, 09/04/2009 - 2:44pm

. Not trying to be negative, but seriously, run. Find a man with no children. I know that sounds harsh but in reality you are young and time is on your side. You can easily find a wonderful life partner that is 100% devoted to you.

What you are describing doesn't get better. Picture the life you want then go get it. You don't have to be on this support board, you can run.

"Courage is fear holding on a minute longer." General George S. Patton

AllSmiles's picture

Submitted by AllSmiles on Fri, 09/04/2009 - 2:44pm

. Not trying to be negative, but seriously, run. Find a man with no children. I know that sounds harsh but in reality you are young and time is on your side. You can easily find a wonderful life partner that is 100% devoted to you.

What you are describing doesn't get better. Picture the life you want then go get it. You don't have to be on this support board, you can run.

"Courage is fear holding on a minute longer." General George S. Patton

Mommywood's picture

Submitted by Mommywood on Fri, 09/04/2009 - 3:39pm

Honey,
i tell you this from 2 yrs of being an sm, which might not be much.... RUN! it only gets harder. my husband is a devoted man, and i love him to death, hes a good man, he would do any and everything for me. he would never treat me badly, and even then, I think about walking away every once in a while when the BM monster rears her ugly head. Its hard to deal with a BM. If I would have known what it took to be a stepmom and a wife in this situation, I woulda really reconsidered it. I thought I knew what I was getting into. we have a daughter now, which is a large part of the reason why i always reconsider walking away and end up staying. I dont want for her what her step brother has to deal with with separated parents. It gets even harder because I love my husband, so much, and hes sooooo good to me, but the past is non-refundable, and she will ALWAYS be there. If he isnt respecting your relationship now, he wont later. He has no need whatsoever to talk to her other than their son. You deserve better. He should know better- my husband does. and if your bf doesnt, he doesnt deserve you.

MommyWood Wink

MeanOleMe's picture

Submitted by MeanOleMe on Fri, 09/04/2009 - 3:37pm

Actually, I guess I was a little harsh with telling you to leave. Do what your heart tells you. If you stay, keep this page book marked... you'll need it. Smile No one can tell you to leave, you have to make that decision, but it is not an easy life, and you'll need support!

HeatherM's picture

Submitted by HeatherM on Fri, 09/04/2009 - 3:37pm

If I could only turn back the hands of time...

If I was 21 years old... in the prime of my life... unless I wanted to commit a slow suicide, I would not be in this situation...

I recommend you leave, it doesn't get better (if that's what you're waiting for).. sounds to me like he still has this weird friendship with BM too, which I would not tolerate!

I don't know if your child is his child too... but regardless.. I'd say "thanks and Bye"

glynne's picture

Submitted by glynne on Fri, 09/04/2009 - 7:09pm

Excellent advice Bella. Too many of us - women in particular - don't value ourselves. We are worthy of being #1 in a relationship and we do deserve it! Putting it out there in a calm and strong manner is the way. Glynne

Manda's picture

Submitted by Manda on Sat, 09/05/2009 - 3:17am

I know when I was 21 I was out with my friends having fun...do you ever get that with having to take care of a 7 year old child? He's only 14 years younger than you...did you think that you would be taking care of a kid when you were 14 years old? Probably not....so why a 21 should you feel the obligation now? I know it's your decision whether you stay or go but you are still young and have a lot of options still....just explore them.