I echo your sentiments on the last sentence about watching him treating your husband like crap when he's such a great dad. I as well was just about ready to give up with SS9. He was regressing behavior wise because he was really upset about BM not spending any quality one on one time with him on her EOW visits. I have disengaged to an extent and am seeing an improvement in his behavior. I've pretty much insisted that FH be the one to correct him, to discipline him, and otherwise parent him. I was getting way too stressed out! Things are much better now.

I have also wondered the same thing if he'll one day see BM for who she is. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. That kid has serious mommy issues because not only did she NOT spend any regular time with him after the divorce, but proceeded to move in with her BF and spends said quality time with BF's kids. He sees her more regularly now, EOW, but there's no more one on one time because of all the kids ove there. Of course he's mad!

It wasn't so much becoming an adult that made me realize why my parents had what I thought was strict rules, it was becoming a parent! I can't tell you how many times i'm calling my mom up and "apologizing"!!

"Live well, Love much, Laugh often."

I am an adult child of divorce. I have done papers on this issue.

I am also a child of entitlement. I was given very few rules or structure after the divorce, until I moved in with my Stepmother... Not a good experience for me.

However, to answer your question;

I wish I had been given more rules and more guidance as a child! I do not resent my parents for it, but I do recognize that I would have a lot easier time in life had I been parented that way. Now, I did not realize this until I was in my 30s.

I had to re-parent myself and I still sometimes catch myself being selfish or bratty.

I rarely talk to my mother who found her friends more important than my parenting after the divorce. I do talk to my father and stepmother, even though I am not greatly fond of my stepmother, I still see her as more of a mother figure for me than my own mother.

I hope this answers your question.

Also, on a side note.... my friends keep telling me, just do your best raising your kids. They will see what a loser their father is with out you bad mouthing him. They will respect you more later in life if you do NOT try to keep them from him, either physically or emotionally. (PAS)

I keep that in mind every time my children see the drama that happens at my ex's house. He is an alcoholic, and my girls know it.

Just keep doing what you are doing is my suggestion. They will learn from you and not end up adults that cannot take care of themselves.

Keep your chin up!!!

Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'
Erich Fromm

Like Freedom, I am an adult child of divorce. I idolized my Mother growing up. I truly believed she was Mother of the Year. Now in my late 30's, I have had ample time to analyze and reanalyze my childhood. Like Freedom, I am also a child of entitlement. I was the youngest of three children (the oops!!) and my siblings were both adults by the time my parents divorced while I was only 12. I was left alone to fend for myself 90% of the time. My Father moved to another state and my Mother buried herself in her career. At the time, I admired her because I believed she was doing it so I could have the best of everything. As an adult, I now realize she did it to avoid being a Mom to the "child she never wanted to begin with." Her words, not mine. And if you think that's bad, she also said to me "it's a good thing they didn't have the morning after pill when you were conceived, because you wouldn't be here today." Yea, Mother of the Year, right? Sadly enough, my Father passed away when I was 19 so I never got the chance to know him as an adult or understand the reasons for the decisions he made.

But as a 36 year old woman, I can tell you - it took me 34 years to realize that you can Love a parent without Liking that parent. I Love my Mother tremendously, but it takes valiant efforts on my part to hold a conversation with her to this day because all I can see is the selfish, angry, bitter human being that abandoned me when I needed her most.

My SS8 KNOWS his mother is crap. He never wants to go to his mother's house for visitation. And she doesn't get child support from us since we have him all the time. Thank god we don't have to deal with that. Because she did try to get child support, but FH said no, since we have him more than she does. But if FH had his way, SS8 would only go to BW's every other weekend. And I doubt if SS8 would even want to go.

I have two SD's ages 9 and 5. I have been in their lives since they were 5 and 1. I have always had troubles with the older one...Mommy can do no wrong and what I do for them matters little. I did not figure this would be the case with the youngest since I have been in her life every bit as much as her mother since the child was 1. I am starting to find out that, as she gets older, she is becoming more and more like her sister and we are growing further and further apart. I know BM talks crap about DH and I to the kids on a regular basis because the kids are constantly telling us "mommy says this or mommy says that". To make a long story short, I think that every good parent hopes that their children will not grow up with the negative charachter traits they have been taught by a POS parent but I think the most that we can do is hope that a little of what we give them rubs off. I never stop trying even though I sometimes cry myself to sleep because of the nasty things that have been said or done to me by the SD's.