when is enough, enough?
I dont really know where to start.... I have 4 yrs of build up frustration and now anger towards my situation and role of raising someone else's child. I went into the role not as SM but as mom. I was asked to fill a hole that was there long before I got there. I have had to deal with mental and emotional harrassment/abuse from my husband's family, all because I was willing to help him raise his child. Because his mom had been there and they got mad at me because my husband moved out and started his own life and she somehow couldnt separate mom/grandma in her mind.
anyhow so 4 yrs later. Respect was demanded and is now given. by them... but now the kid is almost 9 and is getting worse not better. the child was taught at a young age to lie, manipulate, and do whatever was needed to get what they wanted. When my husband and I started dating his child would throw fits to the point of hanving to be dragged out of my apt. Kickin, screaming, crying. I had never saw such a bad, spoiled child in my life. After we had moved in together I remember telling the child that they could watch tv in the livingroom one morning while watching tv... at 5 I said on one condition...they replied with "I know just dont tell daddy" I mean why would my husbands mother teach his own child to lie to HIM!!!
So it has yet to get better. I was raised in a home were I did not get beat but I did get my butt smacked when needed. Grounded, punished, strict but not overly strict Italian mom. And now I have a husband who wants me to raise his child who lies, manipulates and ultimately is ruining my marriage. I have tried to talk to him about it over and over again. But because he was raised by a totally liberal mother and a SF he hates because he was too strict, all I hear is that I am too hard on the child, that the child is only a kid.
I am at my end. I honestly dont know what to do anymore. I do love the child, I do everything a mom does, right down to pta. But anymore with the lying and games this 9 yr old is playing I dont want to be anywhere near this child. I stay in the livingroom and the child stays in their bedroom or at a friends house. I know I have the love and caring to be a wonderful parent but what are you suppost to do when the child is so mentally damaged and is continually learning bad habits from a MIL I cant avoid? Any advice would be welcomed and accepted. thank you.
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Do you live with monster in
Do you live with monster in law? Get that child out of her sight and set like every other weekend dates with her or something if at all possible. The kid needs to learn right from wrong. Is your dh aware of everything going on here? I am going through this too...mil teaches sd7 that she doesnt have to listen to us..she favors her over her sister - she smiles at us when she has tantrums (like its our fault she only listens to her and its our fault she has tantrums?...it's messed up - she has to kiss her like 6 times on the lips before she leaves and she always yells ily (name)!!! But ignores the other one...she always only talks about the 7 year old too...it's sick and messed up - she swears and uses vulgar words IN front of the kids and is always blowing smoke in their faces - the other day she told her 2 year old granddaughter - (our niece) where babies come from? And made her watch "a baby story?" Is that not what her mother's job is when she gets older? My future sister - in - law is livid! She is NOT letting her there alone ever again...
No we dont live with MIL
No we dont live with MIL thank god. I have told my dh everything and he knows. because his d actually told him last yr that mil was telling her to lie to us and everything. but his borther and sister side with mil right or wrong and my husband doesnt want to cause family drama. the screwed up thing is the mil basically kisses my butt now b/c she knows i control things now. and I will not let her go over there if she doesnt respect me. only problem is now the kid is using my husband to get what she wants when i say no. She plays games all the time. She does things she knows are not right like ur 9 and she blew hard as heck on a whole bowl of soup and when i yelled at her she said i was tryig to cool it and my husband said i shouldnt yell at her. I tell her everyday to wash her hands before dinner and after the bathroom. she says she forgets and he says shes a kid. DUDE she's 9!!! if I have been telling u the same thing every freakin day for the last 4 yrs there is no way in he!! you forget everyday! and he gets on me b/c I dont do crafts and games with her anymore. But yet when he is home he lays on the couch. and she is in her room. If she wants to spent time with him she has to watch sports or whatever he is watching. two nites ago he said lets watch a movie with her he fell asleep and i had to watch the stupid ass movie. His mom has it in his head that his daughter needs to be treated different cause her mom isnt around. So no one wants to hurt her already "fragile" state. It was 8 yrs ago and she has a mom in her life. And she is anything but fragile.
I know all about the
I know all about the 'fragile' thing. Where your sole response is "SHES WHAT" ?? I could come up with like fifty adjectives and fragile wouldn't even be in the pool! My husband used to be like that, then he got hurt. So basically before he would work all day and come home and listen to me talk but never really see it, since his view into her life and behavior was pretty limited. Now that he sees it, it is a whole nother ballgame. But it almost feels like it is too late.
Oh no!!! There are few posts
Oh no!!! There are few posts that make my blood boil, but this is one of those!!!
I expect from my stepkids only what I expect with my own biobaby. No special treatment, no differnece. We have rules that are in place. If BM doesnt like it then to bad so sad!!! Then she can take care of her unruly kids all of the time, because its simple... they will not be allowed my and Dhs baby. Period!
well I worded something
well I worded something wrong. BM isnt around psycho mil is and I am the "mom". only one she has ever had. So I often say send her to your mom's and I think he would love to, to be honest but he is too affraid his family will think bad of him. He is only worried about himself and what ppl think of him. He spent one evening with his daughter alone I was working late. after an hr he was sending me text messages saying she was on his nerves. then he sent her to my neighbors house w/o dinner at like 630. didnt ask my neighbor if it was ok, b/c my neighbors son said it was ok (neighbors son is 9) and then he left to go to his bowling night. because when I told him to call the neighbor and make sure it was ok he said no one answered. hello maybe you should go make sure everything is ok over there! then I feel like the ass becasue I go to pick her up and my neighbor said he didnt even tell her he definitely left. Or the fact that everytime school is delayed or scheduled off or shes sick I call off not him. He doesnt do anything. But yell at me that I am too hard on her. I told him tonight we need family therapy with our tax return. to work on our parenting together skills and for his kid and all the issues she has. He told me he was going on vacation this yr and he didnt need therapy. So I told him therapy or divorce his choice.
that is what got my husband
that is what got my husband in parenting classes and therapy with sd. I also found a house for them to move into....