Oh, to clear things up FH has paid CS all along. We were just making payment on our own time throughout the month. Now it's being deducted automatically.

Well, don't you think it's kind of odd that they haven't done it all this before, and now that we are in communication with her it's now deducted. Meaning, she now knows our address and could have easily driven by our house and gotten FH's work info off of his company vehicle. That's all I'm saying. And we know in the past, she has even admitted, that she used to bug the crap out of the child support officials.

It isn't just the payroll deductions, that's the icing on top of the cake, you can read my previous blogs to get the entire picture. I don't doubt that she has something to do with it.

It just feels like she is taking all the control out of our hands. It felt like we were actually paying the support willingly when we set up the payments on our own. Now it feels forced and out of our control. I'm sure BM wants it at a set date b/c the dumb witch doesn't have a job.

I know, he could ask but they probably won't tell us that it was her giving the info. It doesn't matter now, it's all said and done, there is nothing he can do about it now. I mean we have only been in real communication over the last few months, where she actually knows more about us. I was stupid and sent a birthday card to her with our return address at the beginning of this month (March 1st to be exact) for SS9's birthday. Now, all of a sudden his checks are deducted only a few weeks later. His company vehicle is parked outside our house. Sound fishy to ya'll???

Well, he has been paying court ordered CS for 8 years now. It was deducted from a previous job, FH had it set up that way in the past, but he left that job a long time ago. Now, years have past and all of a sudden they are now deducting it from his current job, which he didn't want this time. I like to control when my bills are paid including the CS so I am also pissed. I don't want the CS coming out the week that my mortgage is due. I'm sorry, some things have priority over paying the CS, she gets her money each month but when it's best for us to pay.

Thanks for giving me a heads up on that. BM is certainly crazy enough to do that!!!!! I will warn FH about what happened to your husband so if his boss gets any weird calls he can have that in mind. BM has stolen money from his bank account in the past, I am sure she is capable of something like that. I feel like we have a long road ahead.

Thanks for all the advice. It really does help. The best part about the CS in our state is that we can go online and make a payment through their website (super convenient) which I like. We never have to give her money directly to BM. FH tried that when SS9 was born and BM got a job at the bank where his checks were issued and she stole all his money, she now has a felony. He knows not to do that anymore. We feel like we have to spend additional money at this point b/c we are meeting at fun places (all together) b/c BM won't let us have him on our own. The times we have gone back to their house (3x per SS) BM has gotten drunk and caused drama. I'm sure we will adjust to having the money come out of his checks after a while but it is the PRINCIPLE of it! The fact that I know she had something to do with it and we were not given ANY notice. As I said before, our state did take his money out automatically in the past but hasn't for like 3-4 years when he changed jobs. Now all of a sudden we are in contact with her, I gave her our return address earlier this month on SS's bday card (like an idiot), FH has a company vehicle parked outside, and now all of a sudden his checks are deducted. I know how CS works, we have talked to CS about our situation in the past, and I have called several times and pretended like I was a BM wanting money and asked for advice. BM is totally in control of everything! She has the right to say no to a lot of things they try to do and they ALWAYS notify her of what is going on. And she hasn't contacted us about seeing SS9 in the past couple of weeks, guilty much? I know she is wanting her money when she wants it b/c she doesn't have a job. And yes it was easier to pay it on our own b/c if I needed to pay another bill, I could just pay CS a few days later or the following week when I got paid. Ya know, it just makes me so mad! Sometimes we have to use FH's check to pay the mortgage and the second week (we get paid opposite weeks) we use my check to pay CS. As I said we will adjust but it makes us very angry!

This entire situation has gotten so out of hand. This last thing with the payroll deduction has FH pissed off beyond repair. He usually gets over things easily but after all the crap she has confessed over the last month and now this, he just can't get passed it. It's hard for him to have someone admit that they tried to screw up your life and FH still feels trapped b/c he can't have SS in his life w/out contact with her (which I am sure she loves). BM is also trying to smother FH and I by trying to force us (I know it is more about FH than I) to be around her family for some reason and she won't take no for an answer. She has unrealistic expectations regarding this entire situation b/c she wants to be too involved in FH's life. I really feel that BM thinks that she should also be invited to meet FH's family, which will NEVER happen. BM is out of control!!!!!!! FH has said it a million times before and makes it very evident when he is around BM that he is there for the child only. That should not be a problem for her! She should be grateful that he is willing to be in the same room with her after all she has done, and she ruined that by all her ridiculous confessions. We feel trapped by BM, that she is trying to be too controlling and manipulate us all of the time. We don't feel comfortable around her, FH is so pissed he will not be around her anymore after her confessions and especially not now after the payroll deductions. We feel like we have no choice. We can take her to court and pay out thousands of dollars for visitation, which we won't do, so we have no choice but to back off. FH and I feel like it would be best to just wait until SS9 is 18 and BM can't force herself on us. We have tried our best and SS9 calls her husband Dad so it isn't an issue of him not having a father. FH has never felt like SS9 was his child, not the first time he tried when he was a baby and not now. Why can't things just be easy and cut and dry. I resent FH so much sometimes for having to deal with all of this BS. I think our life will be so much better if we can just go back to paying CS and have her and bratty SS out of our hair. I hate to be that way but BM has given us no choice.

What do I say to BM when she tries to contact me again????

Thank you all soooo much!!!!! I feel confident in my decision to not be involved anymore. I feel that I have done enough and FH has done enough. Any issues SS9 has in his life or future is as a result of her actions and bad decisions not ours. We will pay child support as court ordered and FH's obligation to help financially support his bio son.

herewegoagain, so we need to keep all the money we don't want touched in my name right? can they take money out of his checking account? I'm sure anything is possible. Good advice!