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So both SSons are in counseling.

BettyRay's picture

Submitted by BettyRay on Mon, 04/19/2010 - 12:31pm

SS13 started going a few months ago because he and BM were/are not getting a long. SS13 will loose his temper with her and they (SS13 and BM) have gotten into physical fights in the past. SS13 is able to control his temper when he is with DH and me.

SS8 started going to the same counselor a month ago because his teacher felt he was displaying symptoms of ADD or ADHD. DH, BM and SS8’s teacher all completed a behavioral analysis and returned them to the counselor. The counselor has met with SS8 a few times and she feels he is NOT ADD or ADHD!

The counselor feels SS8 is having anxiety problems due to the tensions at BM’s house. SS8 has been very honest and open with the counselor and has told her he is scared to be alone with his brother (SS13) because of how out of control SS13 can get at BM’s house.
SS8 also told her how he hates it that BM and SS13 fight all the time. SS8 also told her he doesn’t like BM going out at night.

The counselor told BM that the boys don’t see her as an authority figure and their behavioral problems will continue unless she (BM) starts parenting the boys. She also told BM and DH that it’s not fair for DH to have to rescue her when she can’t control SS13. BM needs to start disciplining on her own. The counselor wants to continue seeing both SSons alone and then have a joint session in the future.

The counselor made a point of asking BM what her plans were with regards to supervision of the boys when she (BM) changes jobs. BM told the counselor she didn’t have a plan…yet. The counselor said BM better get one in place so the boys know what to expect.

And on top of all this BM told us she is looking for a new place since see doesn’t like her landlord. I think we’re headed for a bumpy start this summer vacation.

The thing is I feel sorry for BM. I don’t really think she understands what it means to parent a child. She doesn’t like being the bad cop and I don’t think she realizes how this is affecting SSons. I think she wanted counseling for the boys so she could put them on a meds (the counselor is totally against this BTW).

Just my thoughts. I’m kinda down today. I feel bad for my SSons. I want happiness for them but it seems like it’s going to take us a while to get there.

At least the pieces of the puzzle are coming together and DH and I can see better why SSons are acting the way they are.

~BettyRay

Comments

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Mon, 04/19/2010 - 12:55pm

It is a good thing the counselor is including BM in the changes that need to be made. It seems like it's so easy to throw skids into a session and then some parents just expect the counselor to "fix" them. It's good BM is being guided as well.

With our BM, skids have been through at least 4 counselors because as soon as the counselor would start to advise BM on what she needs to change or what she is doing/has done wrong, she'd get mad and change up.

It may be a long road, but at least you're on your way! Good luck!