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SAHP Parenting SKs?

mommylove's picture

Submitted by mommylove on Wed, 07/14/2010 - 1:36pm

I am just curious as this is not my personal situation, but for those of you who are SAHP (either by choice or due to job loss, etc.) while your SO is the SOLE breadwinner, do you feel at all OBLIGATED to parent ALL of the CHILDREN (including your SKs) given that your SO is providing for the WHOLE FAMILY? If so, do you feel that your SO expects this of you or that you simply place this expectation on yourself? Finally, if you think your SO expects this, do you feel that your SO gives you "permission" to parent the SKs as you see fit?

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mommylove's picture

Submitted by mommylove on Wed, 07/14/2010 - 1:57pm

Not necessarily. Like for instance if you are a SAHM, your H works full-time, and your SKs come to visit for a few weeks in the summer.

mommylove's picture

Submitted by mommylove on Wed, 07/14/2010 - 2:11pm

I don't know. I guess that's why I asking? I really just wondered during this past month what it would be like if I was a SAHM and SD lived there full-time. That would not have lasted 2 seconds unless I'd been given full authority to discipline SD as I saw fit. Do people allow babysitters to do that? I don't think I would.

stepkate's picture

Submitted by stepkate on Wed, 07/14/2010 - 2:28pm

I was out of work from December until March. BF mentioned the possibility of basically having his daughter live with us because I could watch her during the day.

Nothing like that possibility to get my job search a swift kick in the rear.

mommylove's picture

Submitted by mommylove on Wed, 07/14/2010 - 2:33pm

Lol!

redheaded_stepmom's picture

Submitted by redheaded_stepmom on Wed, 07/14/2010 - 2:45pm

I am a SAHM, and SD lives with us full-time. DH knows that if there is an issue that needs to be dealt with, and he is not home to deal with it, I am going to deal with it as I see fit. When he gets home I tell what has happened and how I dealt with it, and if he feels adjustments need to be made we work it out, but usually whatever I decide to do stands. SD has really stirred up some trouble lately, and right now I am on my own with her because DH is away for training for 3 weeks. SD knows that I have all the power when DH is gone, so I don't usually have too many problems. This time I am dreading what she will do next, but I am standing my ground and putting my foot down when I have to. I realize not every situation is this way, and I am pretty lucky to have a DH that is willing to work with me since I am expected to take care of his daughter as though she were my own.

redheaded_stepmom's picture

Submitted by redheaded_stepmom on Wed, 07/14/2010 - 2:55pm

That's basically how things are in our house. We never discussed how I was supposed to discipline, I just did what I thought was best from the beginning because DH is away a lot due to his work and I refuse to allow a child to run my life, whether it is my own flesh and blood or not. I treat SD as if she were my own...I view her as my own. Therefore, I will discipline her as I would my own children.

andrea's picture

Submitted by andrea on Wed, 07/14/2010 - 3:20pm

I am currently a SAHM, not by my choice, but do to inability to find a job after graduation. I discipline the SK as I see fit, but DH usually just comes home and undoes anything that I do. The child receives punishment, but other discipline as well. For example, if he exhibits undesirable behavior he may have to do extra housework or write about more appropriate behaviors. He may also be relieved of a chore or two in a week if he exhibits wonderful behavior or is extra helpful, this has only happened once or twice. The child knows that when dad gets home, he will be ungrounded or his punishments will be relieved. Dad also does his chores most of the time, so his precious little brat won't have to do work.
I wish that DH would be more supportive, it would certainly make my life a little easier. I think that a SAHP should be allowed to discipline as they see fit. Perhaps a discussion of how both parents feel about discipline before one parent is left at home with the children would be appropriate. Just my thoughts

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 07/14/2010 - 4:03pm

My wife is the CP of our son (my SS-17) and has been since prior to our marriage 16yrs ago.

I parent him, he is my kid and my wife expects me to parent him as an equity parent to her and to BioDad.

She expects it because I demanded to be an equity parent since day one of our marriage.

I am glad to do it.

Though I am not a SAHP, nor is my wife. She was for the first 5yrs of our marriage and I was for ~1yr following a layoff.

Best regards.