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SD12 being a BRAT

peaceofmind's picture

Submitted by peaceofmind on Fri, 08/20/2010 - 3:22pm

Hello,
I have lurked on this site for a few months and decided to post. I am a SM to a SD12. We get a long for the most part. My hubs and I have had full custody of her for the last 3 years. Her mother calls her but only sees her about once a month…maybe that. I really do enjoy having her here but at this time in her life she is becoming very difficult to deal with. My DH works more than full time and I am a full time student. So therefore I am the one that is with her all the time. She can be the biggest brat but the second DH walks in the door….she is a sweet little angel. I know that her behavior has little to do with the fact that I am her stepparent and more to do with her age but it still makes it difficult.

She is not terrible or anything like that but just more of a spoiled brat. I have read a lot about guilty dads and I think that is what DH is. He was never married to BM. Funny thing… BM was his first and they were only together that one time. (I guess he learned his lesson) I think he just feels bad for her that she is not a priority in her mothers life. I think that it is awful that her mother chose drugs over her daughter but I don’t think that is an excuse to act like a brat all the time.

I guess I just needed a vent. Thanks

Comments

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Fri, 08/20/2010 - 3:40pm

Welcome!!!

I will tell you that your SD's behavior just may well have to do with you being a stepparent. She may be acting out because she doesn't get to see Dad that much. I was in the same position as you. She isn't your child, Dad should be staying home more often if he can. I recently asked DH why he got full custody if he was just going to work all of the time and let me take SS. He didn't have an answer. You are his wife, not a replacement for BM.

peaceofmind's picture

Submitted by peaceofmind on Fri, 08/20/2010 - 4:05pm

Thank you for the responses. Vick- DH does allow me to parent and I am aloud to inforce rules. Or else he would be home a lot more doing it Smile
I have talked to SD and asked her if she felt I was trying to replace BM and wanted me to step back. She does not want that at all. She never throws the "your not my mom" card at me...yet. I think it is just her age. She is pushing her limits. I do think that DH needs to step it up. He still see's a 5 year old when he looks at her and not a 12 year old. I am just so fursterated. But maybe for my own sainity I do need to take a step back.

oilandwater's picture

Submitted by oilandwater on Fri, 08/20/2010 - 7:51pm

It sounds like you are doing a fine job as SM. It is definately the age! I have a BD12 and she is a good kid does chores, behaves for the most part, listens to me, wants to be around me and loves me to death, but......... she is so hard to deal with right now! I had to kick her out of my room tonight for just being a total butthead. She wasn't being nasty just pushing my limits, and she know where they are. Maybe you SD is just behaving the way she would with her own Mom if she were in the picture more.