SS Comment: "I know what she is dealing with. (My dad) is worthless but he is still my dad."
During our recent visit to the IL homeland we spent time with my wife's cousin who is rushing a marriage due to a pregnancy. During a celebratory dinner Cousin made two comments about her dad. "He must approve of the baby, he left a car seat in my living room" ... a very used, very dirty car seat.
"I did not think that my dad approved of my fiance or of the wedding. But he payed for my dress so he must approve."
When she told him about the wedding he commented "I have spent my whole life trying to get away from trailer trash now my daughter is marrying it".
This young lady is so desperate for daddy's approval that any thing remotely positive gets turned in to approval.
Her dad was married to two different women and had kids with both......at the same time. IMHO he is not worth the piss it would take to put him out if he was on fire.
During the ride back from the celebration the family (wife, MIL, Aunt and I) were talking about the situation and how much of a scumbbag Cousin's dad is.
As the conversation was winding down my son (SS) who was also in the car but had been silent made the following comment.
"I know what she is dealing with. (My dad) is worthless but he is still my dad."
That moment broke my heart..... for several reasons.
It broke my heart because my son (SS) has had to come to the realization that the SpermIdiot is just that .... a "worthless" idiot.
It broke my heart that even through an entire life of disappointment, neglect, being ignored, harped on for being spoiled, accused of taking food out of his three younger also out of wedlock half sibs by two other mothers mouths, etc....... my son (SS) has the heart, character and capacity to forgive and to love the SpermIdiot.
He is only 18yo and already my son (SS) is a far better man than I. If the SpermIdiot was on fire I would not bother pissing on him. In fact I would roast hotdogs and marshmallows on his flaming carcass to celebrate his demise.
It broke my heart because though I am his "real" dad who has raised him as my own, given him every opportunity I am capable of providing, given him my parents as his grandparents, my brother as his uncle and provided a warm home for him ....... he still loves the SpermIdiot and calls him "Dad".
Best regards,
- Rags's blog
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Comments
I think too my SSs know who
I think too my SSs know who there mom is also but they are very defensive and will point any good that she has done. I agree, it is sad.
Rags - your SS knows who is
Rags - your SS knows who is "real" father is and that would be you. Sometimes I see my SS16 struggling to try to justify something his BM has done and it is hard for him to come up with a reason.
Unfortunately in today's society there is so much emphasis on "the real parents" that kids have this misconception that just because you help to create a life that makes you a parent. And really he called his dad worthless - not much pride there in his "dad". Kids are taught that whoever gave them life are their parents and of course these "parents" reinforce this every chance they get.
I do think if he had to choose between you both - he would still stay with you. He knows the situation and someday he may not even want contact with "dad and I use the term very loosely".
I was adopted at the age of 6 and the first 6 years of my life were hell before my adoptive parents rescued me - lots of abuse - mental, physical, emotional and even sexual. When I was 10 my "real mother" showed up at church - even though my life was hell when I was with her - I was excited to see her and would sit next to her at church. After about 3 weeks I saw that my adopted Mom was upset. I asked her what was wrong and she said it hurt her feelings that I wanted to sit by my "Real Mom" after all she had done for me.
Even at 10 I knew how much better my life had become (and I had not even remembered the most horrible things - that did not come until the age of 15 when I remembered everything that had happened to me and my siblings - memory repression is a wonderful thing) and I loved and appreciated my adoptive parents so much that the next time my "real mother" came to church I asked her to leave and never come back. My adoptive Mom or I should say the only mother I acknowledged from that day on was so happy - so I can understand the pain you feel because for a few weeks I caused my mom the same pain.
I know many people will say that my adoptive mom had no right saying she was upset but she was my mom and she acted like a mom should be - when I cried she dried my tears, she bathe me, she fed and clothed me, she hugged me when I had nightmares at night, she changed the sheets on my bed for 2 years because of my early childhood trauma I wet the bed from 6 - 8, she helped with my school work, she shaped me to be the strong woman I am today. I am glad she told me that it upset her because it made me realize that I did not want to upset her but did not mind upsetting my "real mom" who I at the age of 10 realized she really wasn't a mother.
So keep being the great father you are because your son learned how to be the man he is from you not from in his own words - (My dad) is worthless but he is still my dad.
I hope kiddo turns out like
I hope kiddo turns out like your son. He is only five but I wonder what he will make of our situation and his birthmother when he is old enough to reason it all out. I hope he can be like your son, and see it all, comprehend it all, but not let it define him. You've raised a good kid rags.