That was my problem when I first got married - I am adopted and I can say without a doubt that my parents loved all 15 of us completely. When SS came to live with us full time I not only not loved him - after awhile I did not even like him. I would cry about it all the time finally I called my sister and told her how I was feeling and she said of course mom and dad loved us - they wanted us - we were not dumped into their laps and they did not have to deal with birthparents all the time because our birth parents did not want us.

She also pointed out that the difference between something you create with the man you love and the child that is a product of the last marriage is enormous and I should never expect to love him as my own. She said just let him know that you are there for him and he can come to you when he needs help. The sense of relief I felt from this talk changed my life.

You also point out that they treat you like a maid and disrespect you and your things how can you love someone who is not taught to respect you - you and DH need to get on the same page with the children or this is going to turn into a huge problem and could in some cases be a deal breaker and lead to divorce. This I feel is the main reason that 2nd marriages do not work with children because you go into it thinking you are getting a man who loves you and kids that must be wonderful because you man is so wonderful so how could he possibly have complete and utter brats. Then you realize that all the wooing that was done to you was trying to cover up the fact that he has out of control children and a nasty BM and you are stuck trying to make it all work out somehow. You both need to be a united front - Period!

Love them unconditionally!? I walk in my house everyday and think, "Damn it!! They're still here." I can't stand living with them much less even like them. They are selfish, self-righteous pigs!!!

Idk what to tell you. I'm barely keeping my head above water in my situation. My DH and I fight every weekend about these skids. It's probably gonna be the end of this marriage, too.

Well at least its only the weekends Lisa...cause his are here 24/7 even more then my own child. They eat like pigs...you can't bring something special in the house because its gone in a day...hell I got donuts in my bedroom that I refuse to bring in the kitchen because tomorrow all 12 will be gone. Selfish....yup! Time for me to stand up for how I was raised...I wasn't raised to disrespect people,parents or others things and they will get with the program or daddy can go let them live his life in another home!

I have to say that I feel so sorry for all of you - I had SS for the first three years of marriage - he moved in 3 months after getting married - I know BM thought she could break us up - it only made us stronger - now for the past 3 years he has lived full time with his mother and we have told him that he cannot move back - he would just keep flipfloping if we let him. I only have to see him 4 weeks a year - of course DH has now moved his 90 year old Foster Father in with us - but that is a whole other blog and website I am sure!! lol

So I say Kudos to all of you who have to do this full time. For the 4 weeks we have SS I have to say I drink every night and take my Ativan religiously - and have on this last visit have actually disengaged with him and have not spoken to him since August 15th and he has not tried to contact me or even ask DH if I am doing okay - but do you want to know something it does not bother me in the least. So I guess because I don't love him unconditionally I am not really that hurt by all of this as I would be if I really loved him.

I will say that being a stepmother is a monumental challenge. My stepson is 18 (married when he was 7). When I was first married, I used to feel that I could never want any children of my own b/c he was so misbehaved. I thought he was nothing but a brat, but over the course of a year or two that started to change. I became mom in my stepson's life (his bio mom walked out when he was 2). I can now say it's a blessing, but there has been a lot of heartache as there was, and still is, involvement with bio mom's family, as well as court action at one point.

Currently, I find my heart breaking as this child that I grew to consider my own is now in contact with bio mom. It hurts to see him drawing closer to her and further from me (so it appears).

My husband and I were not able to have children of our own, so he is the only son I have. Would I do it all over again and marry his dad? - probably - but the expectations of a "brady bunch" family would be much different.

As much as DH wants me to, I dont love kiddo like he's mine. I love him very much, but not like that. I feel protective of him; I want whats best for him; I raise him... But that child is not my child. He doesnt look like me, he doesnt have any trace of my personality, and you know, bm and i are both 22 - she was 16 when kiddo was born; so while she was running around, working at the mall with a 9th grade education and getting pregnant with her second child at 16, I was an exchange student studying in europe. Not my child...i have no delusions so why does dh? It hurts dh and I cant fathom why. I know why but it just seems like ridiculous denial to me. He hates bm, bm is unfit, bm hasnt been there. I have and he wants to pretend like im kiddos mom while at the same time dealing with kiddos actual mom. Its weird. He had that expectation of me but I didnt. I just wanted to give kiddo a good home and be there for him. DH wanted me to love him like my own child. He got hurt. I got confused. Whatever.