Should I make a rule and consequence chart!?
Just wondering if anyone has tried this. I am thinking of a big bright poster size chart with rules of this home and consequences for breaking them! Seems 2 kids in this house know the rules but the SD10(other 2 are my D9 and his son 13)can't ever remember them...no let me say I know she knows them just chooses to break any or all of them. So with this big poster no more fighting with dad over what the punishment will be if such and such is done. Or for that matter not done
Example:
1. No horseplaying in house.(and if need be spell out what horseplaying means) consequence you spend the rest of the night in your room with no tv..nothing. No Warnings anymore because its posted right there your not to do it.
2. Respecting others property...means you dont touch anything without that persons permission(you cant wait till that persons gone then ask someone else to use that persons stuff) if this rule is broken they get to personally go in your room and take anything they want for 2 weeks!!!!
3. etc etc etc
I think it could work for her...she is ADHD...but that isnt the reasoning for her big mouth, ugliness or not following rules...she just chooses to do this. So I figure with a big ole sign with everything spelled out that it could work
Anyone!?
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We do a expectations and
We do a expectations and consequences chart for our kids the start of every school year. It has helped out a lot on certain things----usually get a reminder one time to check what expectations are, but if 2nd infraction in same day---there you go, you made choice, so here is consequence.
Well I can say with the other
Well I can say with the other 2 children in this home they should get a 2nd warning...as for the she-devil she shouldn't get any warnings. The reason I say this is because the rules are gonna have to be posted because she can't seem to "remember"what they are. The other 2 have no problems following them. So it seems day in and day out she is breaking some rule or the same ones over and over. So when I go to the store and get this poster board They all will be in there helping me with the rules. They will tell me them so I can write them down and we go from there. I have to get across somehow that I am tired of this game with her and if it works it works if it doesnt step 100 lol! I don't want to give up but will! Not but so much one person can take!
Kids are used to having rules
Kids are used to having rules posted at school, you might as well do it at home too, if you think that will help. That way you can always refer to the rules when you are dealing out warnings or punishments.
We don't have rules posted as the skids can't read yet (3 and 5), but we do a sticker chart. There are 10 spaces to fill up with stickers on a poster (for each). When they get all 10 stickers, they get a prize. We periodically explain things they can do to get stickers, such as using good manners for an entire evening or day, cleaning their shared bedroom, helping a parent do a chore, etc. They know by now that if they ask for a sticker they won't get it, that it needs to be a kindness that they do without expecting anything in return. They've both filled up their sticker chart once and we took them to the store to pick out a prize ($15 or so) and they're both half way to their next prize after a few months. We only have them half the time so we try to keep on the lookout for the good things.
Keep in mind if you post rules, make sure they are simple. That's a general rule of thumb for teachers as well -- they should only be a one-step rule each, and you shoudl keep it to about 10 rules or less. For example, instead of saying "No hitting" say "No violence" so it covers biting, scratching, pulling hair, etc. "No disrespecting adults or siblings or items" and make sure they understand that disrespect means not listening or following directions, not taking someone else's property without asking for it, not destroying property in any way.
I would also keep your consequences out of it. They should understand that you are the adult and capable of forming the consequence to fit the behavior. If you say they will automatically get "consequence #1 for behavior #1" what happens if they misbehave in many different ways in one hour of time and deserve harsher consequences?
First I think you should take
First I think you should take an honest assessment on how realistic your rules are. Just because 2 of the kids are able to refrain from horseplay, doesn't necessarily mean the other one is the devil because she's more active. Sounds like she has different needs from the other kids, and I do think a chart could possibly help if done the right way.
lol crayon you crack me up
lol crayon you crack me up with your sayings. Your right ...if he isnt with me this will really show me how much a parent he wants to be and if he isnt willing to be a parent and man up to the situation then he will be doing his nonparenting elsewhere because I will wash my hands of it.
Active...yes all kids are active I know this...they have bikes etc and plenty of room to romp and horseplay outside it will not be done in my home anymore...I like my things and I like to keep them intact.
But I will give this a try...cant hurt to try I might end up being disappointed in the end but at least I tried!
Wind...this is my name for
Wind...this is my name for her no one else even knows I refer to that...its not the horseplay that heck I could deal with its the lying, stealing just being down right nasty to others. She find someway in anyway to manipulate any situation whether its that she went in her brothers room and took something or went in my room and took something...she is an eye rolling stomping child that my own child doesnt do and I will not tolerate from her either.
I made this chart last night...with them all...along with a chore chart for them all and my goodness I couldnt believe how many times the other kids called her out on something she was doing wrong....I couldnt believe how many times she actually stopped and thought about what she was doing before doing it.
School has rules and consequences and most of the time they are posted....so maybe this is what I have needed all along...now if the daddy will enforce what is written this home may exactly become a home!
Oh, and I definitely disagree
Oh, and I definitely disagree with consequence #2. If you're purpose is teaching the kids to respect each others' belongings...it seems you would be doing the opposite by saying respect each other's belongs, unless they disrespect yours.
Wind....if you have told
Wind....if you have told someone not just a child over and over to stay out of your room...stay out of your brothers room whatever over and over and over and no other punishment has worked...i had to take a next step....if she feels its okay to take her brothers cell and text his friends making them think it was him...or taking it to school...or any number of things she has done...sending her to her room for a few days with no friends no tv...hasnt work the last 20times...nothing seems to work but when this child heard that her brother could come into her room and take her favorite thing....she was like oh no he isnt...i said why not...you didnt give him a choice whether he wanted you to touch his things or not....if it works it works....gotta do what you gotta do
if this rule is broken they
if this rule is broken they get to personally go in your room and take anything they want for 2 weeks!!!!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
This will make the kids start to hate each other. I would tread carefully with this one.
What would make the
What would make the difference...she takes what she wants when she wants she doesnt care whose it is!!!!!! But no one takes anything that is hers! Example I have told all children in this home to keep your things in your room not piled up in the living room...one pair of shoes that your planning to wear the next day is fine but no need for 3 pairs of shoes...one which she had thrown in the car and bags and clothes...i looked around my living room for 2 days and her things were the only things in there...so that showed me the other 2 listened knew the rule she did to she just didnt care...so she got them out after being told once again...i come home the next day...there sit shoes she left in there because she was going to wear them to school but didnt so they are mine and have been mine for 1 week...she cried crocdile tears...tried to tell me she would get F in P.E. etc...anything to make me out to be the bad guy..and dad stood behind me on this...he said we told you over and over to keep your things up...she gets them back tomorrow and she is overly excited and guess what since I took those shoes.....NOTHING has been in the living room!
Vick...your so correct. It
Vick...your so correct. It seems he doesn't know rules etc himself...so we(3 kids and I) talked each rule out and talked and talked ...so now dad is sitting on sofa and daughter tells him what she isnt gonna do...he said what is rule #1...maybe he needed to see it in writing to. I dont know....my first attempt...it might fail but its worth a try