1. Skids were happy. I had a good relationship with them and they were happy that I was "a keeper".
2. BM snorted and said something like "let's see how long this lasts" then "I should talk to her and warn her about what she is getting into" then " *I* am the MOM. SHE is NOT to PARENT MY CHILDREN" etc.....
3. I am not sure which relationship you are talking about but I am assuming relationship between DH/I - Yes, that did get better. Turns out the "security" of being engaged/married was something I needed more than I realized.
4. DH's parenting stayed the same. He was doing a good job before though so I didn't feel anything needed to be changed.
5. DH's interactions have always been through email for the most part. Interactions didn't "change" per se but because BM became more and more enraged he had to go through all of that.
6. BM was never after DH and wanting her ex back = she just liked to maintain control. No, she has never gotten over that she has lost control. It has been five years. I don't forsee this ever changing.
7. BM and I have always ignored eachother so no she did not congratulate me! Ha, I would have wanted to punch her in the face and cut her with my new giant diamond so it's probably a good thing }:)

Congratulations on your engagment! VERY exciting!!!!

Congratulations Milomom! How exciting!

I dated DH for 7 years before we got engaged, then we waited another 1.5 years to get married. We've been married for almost 9 years now.

1 - SS became withdrawn during visitation. We asked why but he could never really explain. Then his grades started to suffer after we got married. Don't know how much of that was caused by mine and DH's engagement vs. the changes at BM's.

2 - BM decided she would get married too, and she picked a date 2 weeks ahead of mine. (I never noticed this until reading a blog when I first joined ST.)

3 - Yes, at the time things seemed better because everyone was busy planning weddings. But the honeymoon did not last forever (pun intended LOL). Once married, everything went downhill. And later when I decided to have kids of my own... YIKES!!!

4 - FDH did not make any changes to how he parents SS. He had/has some guilty tendencies, but overall he's always been a good dad.

5 - Interactions with BM almost disappeared as she expected SF to communicate to DH. Everyone wanted to co-parent except BM.

6 - No. She was more of the "if I can't have him no one will" type. Reality didn't hit BM until her 2nd marriage ended in divorce and I was still here.

7. No, but I never really spent any time around BM. She never had anything nice to say.

1. How did skids react? SD seemed a little bothered. Which is understandable because she was only 3 BM is known for PAS and DH didn't tell her until the night before because he didn't want BM to know and try to crash the wedding SD got over it quickly. She had questions about why daddy never married her mommy.

2. How did BM react? LOL LOL LOL Funny Story; Someone (unknown) sent BM our marriage license (in our state it's public records) BM FREAKED!! Called DH non-stop the whole night before, tried to keep SD from him the night before-but...BM never admitted that she knew of our wedding date until the actual wedding DAY. BM blew up DHs phone soooo much the morning of our wedding that his phone went dead. She left voice mail after voice mail until his mailbox was full. She begged him to call her because they really needed to talk and work some things out. lol

3. Did things get BETTER for you/your relationship? Eventually.

4. Did your FDH become any better/worse at parenting skids (i.e. making and enforcing rules & consequences)? YES! DH became much more strict with SD.

5. Did your FDH/DH's interactions with BM get better/worse? Hard to say, BM has always been a certifiable nutcase.

6. Did BM finally face reality that she wasn't getting her exH back? I'm not sure.

7. What happened the first time BM saw you after the engagement? Did she congratulate you? BM and I have never, ever said one word to one another, not even a smile or hello. I did elbow her one time on "accident".....The room was very crowded }:)

1. How did skids react?

SD10 stopped eating lunch and shredded her napkin into teeny tiny pieces. SD14 said, "You don't expect me to be happy, do you?"

2. How did BM react?

We don't know. She didn't acknowledge it to us.

3. Did things get BETTER for you/your relationship?

No. But having had a wedding in front of everyone we knew helped keep us together during the tough times that followed, where if we hadn't been married we'd probably have just walked away.

4. Did your FDH become any better/worse at parenting skids (i.e. making and enforcing rules & consequences)?

Big NO to that one. Still and forever a pushover.

5. Did your FDH/DH's interactions with BM get better/worse?

No change.

6. Did BM finally face reality that she wasn't getting her exH back?

I presume so.

7. What happened the first time BM saw you after the engagement? Did she congratulate you?

No. She never acknowledged our marriage in any way.

I meant BD14 in above comment #1.

First, Congrats Milomom!

I should mention we did the same thing as Druzzilla and eloped. My parents knew and my SD7 knew but no one else. I didn't want a "wedding" but a marriage instead and we knew his mom wouldn't go for that. SD spilled the beans when we were on the way home, since we were gone a week and she was only 5 then, she did pretty good.

1. How did skids react?
>>My hubby told her I was going to be her SM and she was excited. We have a pretty good relationship, only once has she tried to pull that "you're not my mom" crap and I cut her off at the pass real quick.
2. How did BM react?
>>At first it was NOT a plesant experience, she went around telling everyone we weren't really married that their divorce wasn't final. She had to complete parenting classes before the judge would sign off on the divorce and she kept stalling. Since the judge is friends with my father in law, he made an exception. Now she has a bf and we are slowly becoming friends.
3. Did things get BETTER for you/your relationship?
>>Between me and the hubs or my SD7? Me and SD have had our ups and downs but seem to be leveling off nicely. Me and the hubs had a tuff pregnancy about 6 mos after we married but an unexpected twin pregnancy would be hard on most anyone I believe.
4. Did your FDH become any better/worse at parenting skids (i.e. making and enforcing rules & consequences)?
>>Hubs is tuff on all the kids so it's stayed about the same. Since we have 4 girls (SD7, BD3, and twins that are 11 mos) you gotta stay on top of them to behave. He is the "mean" parent, I'm the softy both the older girls come to for sympathy.
5. Did your FDH/DH's interactions with BM get better/worse?
>>They got bad right before we got married, she would call him if she found out I was around while he had SD and cuss and raise cain. They got worse (see above) right after but now we have an understanding and are actually borderline friends.
6. Did BM finally face reality that she wasn't getting her exH back?
>>He told her to leave but she caused it right by herself, so I think she knew it wasn't going to happen. The were seperated almost 2 years before divorce proceeding started. It was final in August, we met in September and married in December.
7. What happened the first time BM saw you after the engagement? Did she congratulate you?
>>She has never commented to me about us being married at all (no one knew we were planning to get married or that we were engaged). She has told others she is glad D has me as a SM and that I'm good to her.

1. How did skids react? The oldest adult SD complained that it was too soon (yea, seriously brat we've been together over a year and are in our 40's....that's considered SLOOOWWW for most people our age)......both adult SD's went in and out of toxic PASing over it.....good days/bad days (....only because they KNEW they were losing control over their father once we officially got married......he would eventually not take their crap and be their door mat.....which is exactly where we are today)
2. How did BM react? Typical PASing went from BAD to WORSE
3. Did things get BETTER for you/your relationship? YEP, both SD's are so busy hating me, they've forgotten to still love their dad....so, essentially, we don't hear jack from them right now, which is what we needed.......to behave like newlyweds and have some peace and quiet in our lives without the mamma-baby-girls-drama)
4. Did your FDH become any better/worse at parenting skids (i.e. making and enforcing rules & consequences)? He didn't change, but we were living with an entitled 18 year old BRAT....she didn't last long though
5. Did your FDH/DH's interactions with BM get better/worse? Better....PASing BM got call/text blocked
6. Did BM finally face reality that she wasn't getting her exH back? She could care less...all she wanted was to continue to control him.....and lost that permanently...she's probably still crying about it somewhere on this planet
7. What happened the first time BM saw you after the engagement? Did she congratulate you? She's a raging bitter-fur-ball -- never acknowledged me (thank goodness for me!!)

Well I met DH one month after BM kicked him out of the house on Match.com - that was in April by October we were engaged - (we are older and I wanted a baby) and then at Thanksgiving he spent it with SS and BM and her family (stitch there was he lived where we live now and flew back to see SS) after dinner he told BM that he was engaged to be married - I am pretty sure she was shocked but also told him that SS was giving her a hard time and she did not know if she could handle him - funny that was the first time she mentioned that to him. Then in December SS flew out to visit DH at Christmas and that is when he told him - SS pretended to be happy - SS had the habit of acting like an adult even at the age of 9 - it was why I was so fooled by him and in for the surprise of my life when he joined us 3 months after getting married. We were married in April exactly 1 year to the day from when DH wrote me my first letter on Match.com.

It has been 6 1/2 years of marriage and for the most part it has been great - I do think BM while not wanting DH was not happy that he was able after 14 years of marriage to move on so quickly but then again she did cheat on him repeatedly and even after that he still wanted to try to make it work and she said no way - so in that moment she killed whatever hope or love he had for her and was ready to move on. I do think some men just like being married and need to be and I think DH is one of them. He has never been a player and at the age of 46 did not want to start. I will also say while he could have been very resentful and hating women after what happened to him he nots - in that way I am very lucky!!

Forgot to add BM refused to meet me - so on our wedding weekend - we drove back to his home that weekend - I met her for the first time because I told DH that since I would become SS stepmom I thought his BM would want to know something about me. SS asked me if he could call me mom the day after we got married!

Congrats and when is the wedding and are we all invited?!?!?!

SS was 2.5 at the time so we didn't really discuss it with him but we have a pretty good relationship (hopefully this won't change as he gets older!!)

We didn't tell BM. DH asked out of the blue one night when we were watching a movie at his place, he wasn't planning to do it and there wasn't even a ring. We were waiting to tell everyone once we got the ring, but we got too excited, told some friends and DM ended up finding out from them. DH never discussed it with her and she never asked about it.

My relationship with DH definitely got better! We became closer and more confident in our relationship. Relationship with BM did NOT improve. If anything, they got worse because she realized I wasn't going anywhere.\

He definitely got a lot better at parenting! He used to really spoil SS and not implement any kind of consequences. The kid was a real brat! MAJOR tantrums! But once we were engaged, we began parenting together which really helped. He will occasionally brush off my opinions (after all, I have no experience with kids since I have none of my own ..UGH) but for the most part he understands that he can't always give in simply because SS throws himself on the floor and starts crying. Also, he has ALWAYS backed me up w SS and if I say something to SS and he doesn't listen to me, DH always tells SS to "listen to Steph, she is talking to you" or "did you hear what Steph said?"

Wow. Things between them got bad and then worse and then disasterous! After DH and I got enganged, I started going with him to pick up SS and drop him off. I never got out of the car, but I guess the fact that I was even on her street pissed her off so one time she refused to hand SS over. That's when we went to mediation and things got a little better...for a while. They are back to shit again (pardon my French).

It's funny because BM was fooling around w some guy and then broke up w DH to be w him. When that relationship failed (within about a month, which is how long it took DH and I to get together) I guess she started to realize she had made a mistake. She started coaching SS to tell DH to "kiss mommy" whenever DH went to pick up or drop off SS (one of the reasons I started going w him to pick up SS) and once we were engaged she said she wanted to talk about "their relationship" at which point DH said they had no relationship and he just wanted his son. That was the end of that. Bitterness ensued.

BM completely ignored me after the engagement and after we were married. DH and I ended up eloping (it's a long story) and again, she found out through friends. The only thing she asked was "is it true?" at which point he said "yes" and that was the end of that. DH and I had been married for about 9 months before she and I spoke for the first time, which was only to say that I was not to have anything to do with her son (at which point she LITERALLY ripped him from my arms and walked away with him). She is quite a treasure and I look forward to all of the drama to come!

1. Horribly
2. Yelling and screaming- mostly beacuse of our nice house and her dump
3. Yes- we now ingore eachother for the most part
4. Better at enforcing- but we also now spend less time by choice
5. Leveled off- still bad; we try to avoid all contact now that last kid at home is older
6. she had someone move in same time we got married and moved in- so that helped I thin
7. hell no; to this day I am still not sure she has ever acknowledged we are married...for sure not that I am a STEP mom...although her now husband is for sure a STEP father...she is just a waste- we ingore her.

1. Horribly
2. Yelling and screaming- mostly beacuse of our nice house and her dump
3. Yes- we now ingore eachother for the most part
4. Better at enforcing- but we also now spend less time by choice
5. Leveled off- still bad; we try to avoid all contact now that last kid at home is older
6. she had someone move in same time we got married and moved in- so that helped I thin
7. hell no; to this day I am still not sure she has ever acknowledged we are married...for sure not that I am a STEP mom...although her now husband is for sure a STEP father...she is just a waste- we ingore her.

We didn't have an engagement - we eloped after knowing each other for 4 months. I had never met BM, and had met SD once. DH didn't tell BM or SD for at least two months after.

1. How did skids react?

We had an episode of "I always thought my mom and dad would get back together, they were SO IN LOVE!!" which is what BM told her. I set her straight, which led to this week's blow-up between DH and BM - over 4 years later.

2. How did BM react?

"Is she PREGNANT?" Nope, just crazy.

3. Did things get BETTER for you/your relationship?

No, but that was my/our fault. We got married for the wrong reasons, and it took me a couple years to figure out how much the man really does mean to me.

4. Did your FDH become any better/worse at parenting skids (i.e. making and enforcing rules & consequences)?

Better, but I wasn't around for the bad parts. I was around for the 'fixing DH's parenting' part, which also led to some tantrums on SD's part - I had taken away her 'fun' Daddy.

5. Did your FDH/DH's interactions with BM get better/worse?

Better eventually, after she remarried. She got engaged a couple weeks after DH broke the news, and ended up with a big white wedding the following year.

6. Did BM finally face reality that she wasn't getting her exH back?

No, never. She threw herself at him a month before he met me, she cried to him while I was deployed about how unhappy she was with her new husband, and she wastes no opportunity to tell him that I must be cheating on him. (or that she hopes I am) Of course, she's 'madly in love' with her DH (defensive much?) now that DH told her that he spent their entire marriage pretending to love her and trying to make it work for SD's sake.

7. What happened the first time BM saw you after the engagement? Did she congratulate you?

She gushed all fake at me. No congratulations though. I bought myself a whopper of a CZ ring to make her jealous because she's all about the bling.

Congratulations on your recent engagement. That is exciting. Have fun.

We were engaged for a week before we eloped. So this does not exactly apply completely to our situation.

1. How did skids react?

He was 1yo and as far as he was concerned I was daddy. He did barf in the car on the way from Reno to Tahoe for the wedding. Is that a reaction? :?

2. How did BioDad react?

Don't know, don't care. But, he did whine to mommy when he found out my wife was dating someone. SpermGrandMa filed for custody in BioDad's name and the game was on from that point. That was 8mos before we eloped.

3. Did things get BETTER for you/your relationship?

No change. We just kept on the adventure we had already started. It has been going well so far. We had our 16th anniversary a few months ago.

4. Did your (Wife) become any better/worse at parenting skids (i.e. making and enforcing rules & consequences)?

My wife had become a great parent during the course of our relationship. She was pretty good to start with when she was single teen mom. With the advent of maturity she went from good to outstanding ..... for the most part.

5. Did your (Wife's) interactions with BioDad get better/worse?

No change really. He was a cheating looser then, he is a bigger looser now. My wife went on to graduate with her HS class (with honors), a dual major BS with honors, an MBA with honors and become a CPA. The SpermIdiot went on to spawn three more out-of-wedlock children with two more young mothers, dump the kids on his parents door step for them to raise, lives in a home owned by his parents and pays no rent, and lets the SpermGrandParents pay his CS obligation for my SS.

My wife barely deals with any of the SpermClan and when she does she usually rolls up the CO and beats the snot out them with it.

6. Did BioDad finally face reality that he wasn't getting his exH back?

Intermittently. He does occasionally ask my SS if "your mom still loves me". Pathetic looser that he is, this is proof that he is also a clueless toothless stupid POS. He abandoned my wife, a then 17yo teen mom and the baby (my SS not yet 1yo) to run off with yet another 16yo. He was ~22.

7. What happened the first time BioDad saw you after the wedding? Did he congratulate you?

Nope he did not congratulate us, we were in court where we were shredding him with a long line of witnesses to his idiocy including police officers, truant officers, former employers, friends, etc...... He did have a back of the court room discussion with my wife but he did not congratulate her. He asked if she and the baby were "all right?".

My wife just saw BioDad for the first time in years and likely the last time when she picked up our son from his final court ordered visitation. Her only comment to me about seeing him was was "I sooooo laughed out loud, he has not changed a bit and he is still NOT a catch".

Sd was only 4 didn't much understand.

BM told SD we were getting married because were going to have a baby & forget her. LOL, I wasn't pregnant but BM was less then a year later. SD gave her hell.