Where are the guy's rights?
A little food for thought, where are the guy's rights?
First off, if you are sensitive, then read no further. The purpose of me writing this blog is not to try to offend anyone or judge anyone or put anyone down. Any of you who have read my posts in the past know that while I may bring up heated topics, my intention is never to be derogatory or mean and I understand everyone's situation is unique.
So I can't be the only one who observes the fact when it comes to the reproduction subject, guys really seem to get screwed over on their rights and what they can do in regards to the situation. I read and hear a lot of women always say "it's my body, I have the right to choose what I want." Okay, this may be so literally. But, once you have sex with someone and you "choose" to "share" your body with another person, if you get pregnant , shouldn't that be a "shared" decision on what to do? I mean, unless you are going to a Dr's office and using a sperm donor, then it did take two people to make that happen, so really it isn't JUST your decision.
What if it was the other way around? What if men were the ones with the ability to deliver children and an "oopsie" pregnancy happens and the man decides to push forward with it knowing that the woman made it very clear that's not what they wanted? It would be insane! There would be so many woman's right's activists ontop of that it's not even funny, saying that the woman has the right to have a decision in the situation too.
Hell, if I were a guy I wouldn't be putting my junk anywhere near a woman until I married her. Why? Because I wouldn't want anyone to be in control of whether they decided to get pregnant or not without my consent or knowledge then try to force something equal to or greater than a mortgage payment on me for 18-21 years of my life.
Yes, I understand it "takes two to tango", but that is my point. It takes two people to make a baby, how does it not take two people to decide what route they want to take once the baby is made???? Okay so accidental pregnancy happens and both man and woman want it? Fine, go for it. Just the woman wants it and the man is very clear he doesnt? Then maybe that should be taken into consideration. Don't believe in abortion? Then why would you not consider adoption???? Why would you take the biggest decision someone has to make in their entire life and turn it into a solo performance then act surprised when the man is a "part time father" and has a hard time meeting his CS commitment? Or if just the woman wants to go through with it and not the man and they are completely against abortion or adoption then don't harass someone who explicitly told you they weren't ready mentally or financially for a child. If you want to make the decision on your own, then deal with the responsibilities on your own and don't complain when it gets hard because that's what you wanted.
Even with being a woman, I cannot help but get frustrated when I see men get screwed time and time again in unplanned pregnancy situations. I wish someone would do something about giving men more say about this and then maybe, just maybe, all of the greedy, manipulative, underhanded women that get pregnant for selfish reasons can get sorted out from genuinely nice, caring women with good hearts who aren't just out for a monthly pay day.
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Comments
Can we be best friends,
Can we be best friends, because I am pretty positive we are the same person... you said everything and more that I believe in, AMEN!!
Lol, consider us bff's I am
Lol, consider us bff's
I am just amazed that with this country's advancement in people's rights that nothing has been done on the male front.
We learned that you have to
We learned that you have to still be careful even if you ARE married. BM1 was married to DH and they had a verbal agreement that he would put her thru school, then she would put him thru school, THEN they would go off birth control and start a family. In-laws even offered to help cover birth control costs so they could meet this goal.
Well, geez, BM1 went OFF birth control WITHOUT telling DH in time for her to graduate and him not getting a chance to go to college. She even told me years later that she 'got pregnant' so that DH would 'grow up' and then couldn't understand why he 'couldn't/wouldn't'.... maybe because you, BM1, didn't give him a chance by going off the pill without telling him!!
I just figure that BM2 wanted a baby so bad and she saw that DH could reproduce, since he already had SS, so she 'took advantage' of the situation and.... well... got him drunk one night and took advantage of him. Golly gee if 9 months later, welcome to the world SD. Yeah he had a paternity test done for that one, especially considering she and her family had told him multiple times that the baby 'might not' be his. And she took SD away from DH for 3 1/2 years so he couldn't see his daughter.
In my case, we were together for 2 years before we got married. Only 1 miscarraige while we were dating, and 6 weeks into the marriage, we are both shocked to find out I was pregnant. And no babies since (BS is now 7).
So should the man be involved in ALL the decisions regarding having children??? HELL YES!!!
DH tried a couple of times to go back to school.... and unfortunately it correlates with SD and BS's pregnancies. My DH is only a High School graduate because he took the responsibility of providing for his children and got a job so he could support them all.
Now, we don't believe in abortion, so don't know how he would've changed those first 2 pregnancies, because it's hard to think about SS and SD not being here.
What your BM did is just
What your BM did is just plain rotten....To cheat someone out of them wanting to further educate and better themselves by getting pregnant and roping them into it, wow.
You can't "force" anyone to grow up by "forcing" a kid on them. If a person isn't ready, then they aren't ready! What is that old saying? Oh yeah, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink....
If the man isn't ready then
If the man isn't ready then he needs to either protect himself or not have sex. Yes sometimes accidents happen But I'm a tad curious why all these men are having sex with all these crazy women?
I totally agree with you by the way
I ask myself that too. In my
I ask myself that too. In my DH's situation, BM said she was on b.c. and they used a condom for std purposes, but condom broke. Okay, well if I were him at that time, knowing that condoms can break, I would have made sure I saw her take her b.c. And for her, when she got pregnant, she should have weighed her options when she wanted to have the child, and he made it very clear he didn't.
God yes. BM told me once that
God yes. BM told me once that DH asked her for a divorce, so she got pregnant on purpose so he wouldn't leave her. Well excuse me, DH, but if you are so miserable that you are cheating on your wife for almost your entire marriage,and miserable enough to ask for a divorce, what the hell were you doing having unprotected sex with BM so that she COULD get pregnant????
Same here! When SD14 was
Same here! When SD14 was conceived, DH and BM were already considering divorce. He has accused BM of getting pregnant to keep him in the marriage. I told him that he was just as much responsible as she was because he slept with her, knowing he wanted to get divorced.
SusiQ- Agreed! I can't blame
SusiQ- Agreed! I can't blame BM for not using her protection when DH was stupid enough to even "do it" with such a person...
I told him, "Hey! Even though you told her you did not want children, you still took the risk and did it with her enough to get her pregnant without being weary."
Yeah, we can put people into
Yeah, we can put people into space, but we can't get some sort of decent b.c. on the guy's end? Lol... it's crazy. And I've heard a lot of people say that "well, if they had b.c. for men, they wouldn't take it like they would need to anyways." Well, I beg to differ. I think if guys had some decent reliable form of b.c. that they could take as well they would jump at the chance to put some control in their hands to prevent unwanted pregnancies!
I think you make some
I think you make some excellent points. It makes me think about my DH's ex. They were married very young because she got pregnant which was the right thing in his eyes to do and I respect that. However, she thinks that because she squeezed 2 babies out of her vagina she should lay on a white couch day in and day out and be fed grapes. She is the laziest, most manipulative person on the planet. She took no part in raising her kids and DH did most of the work. Perhaps if those kids were born to a woman who was caring and nurturing (much like the women I have seen on this site) they would have turned into more confident, independent young women. If he would have had a say at that young age things wouldn't be the way they are.
I LOVE babies and most children yet I have none of my own and really want to. It makes me crazy thinking about women who have all these babies by accident but take no pride in raising them to be genuine, caring individuals. If it were me...I would be fascinated and committed to any child I have and even better - a PROUD mother to any baby of mine.
Tofurkey, I agree with your
Tofurkey, I agree with your thinking 100%!
One of my MAJOR pet peeves are these BM's that just go around getting pregnant (sometimes with multiple different fathers) and just expect to sit around and collect a monthly paycheck in the form of CS. I have absolutely NO respect for those lazy, manipulative BM's and I am very surprised that nowadays, the men don't have more rights.
I also believe that it's because most of these men are so COMPLACENT and just ALLOW these things to happen, that they do. They prefer not to "rock the boat" with a woman to avoid confrontation than actually standing up for themselves and fighting for what is right.
Yes yes that is a pet peeve
Yes yes that is a pet peeve of mine also. Women like that who then suck in and hunt for all the "single mother, poor me" attention. Please, give me a break!!! A wife and a husband who plan and want to have kids together and it doesn't work out and they get divorced? Okay, you are a single mother. A wife and a husband who plan and want to have kids together and the husband passes away? Okay, you are a single mother. Even a bf and a gf who BOTH want and plan to have kids together and it doesn't work out, okay you are a single mother too. Some woman who gets involved with a guy knowing she is going to manipulate the situation for her own monetary self-gain? Okay, you are just a POS
Tofu- As usual, intresting
Tofu- As usual, intresting variant points of view here.
I would ask you one thing in a certain "situation."
Assume that a woman becomes pregnant by an abusive partner who wants the baby? Should this man have any rights? :?
* I love you for your thought provoking posts!
"Assume that a woman becomes
"Assume that a woman becomes pregnant by an abusive partner who wants the baby? Should this man have any rights?"
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I know this was addressed to the OP, but I wanted to share too. There are exceptions to every rule. If a person is abusive...be it the man or the woman, they should have no rights to children. To put a child with an abusive parent is committing abuse toward that child yourself.
I wanted to "add" that some
I wanted to "add" that some states are now assisting financially for vasectomy programs to men with limited incomes through their local health departments.(about time they thought of that)
(of course DH did not meet the criteria)
This is fantastic! The only
This is fantastic! The only way to make it better would be to make it mandatory for men AND women who live on my dime to have a vasectomy/tubes tied. I have no issues with temporary assistance. However those who LIVE on it & continue reproducing need to stop! It's GOT to be cheaper than paying for all these babies!
stormabruin - I completely
stormabruin - I completely agree. People who work the system and just keep at it and keep at it really get under my skin. There is nothing like being behind a woman in the store who is using food stamps, carting around 8 kids and look at her stomach and she's got another on the way. Seriously?
That is why butterfly has
That is why butterfly has only had one child in life. You are right, have some dignity, you know?
" Respect Yourself"
Not to mention she's got a
Not to mention she's got a buggy loaded down with a month's supply of steak & shrimp while my buggy is lighty loaded with Ramen...yet I'm paying for all of it.
That's awesome to hear, it
That's awesome to hear, it sounds like it's atleast an attempt at a step in the right direction!!!
For the abusive partner thing, that's tough...I think in that situation both sides really need to be looked at as well (having had been in an abusive relationship prior)and that the woman hasto take responsibility to be extra careful to protect herself from any unwanted pregnancy.
Oh, rest assured that not all
Oh, rest assured that not all "men" would even think of doing such a thing.
"Man, I ain't getin my damn **** all messed up..."
I've lived in areas where it was seen as "cool" to get as many girls prego as possible? :O
Then you see them working 3 jobs later on from a Burger King to whatever to pay for their "babies." (please)
It makes sense that a man has
It makes sense that a man has no right to legally force a woman to have an abortion or take her birth control pills. I think men should get off their asses and find a male bc pill. If just one scientist in that field ends up in the same boat as some of the fathers mentioned here, maybe that would happen.
What are the men's options? Wear a condom or don't have sex. So many of the men are just plain in denial. They run into the storm without wearing a raincoat because they like the thrill of it. What they don't realize is there could be a F5 tornado waiting around the corner to ruin their lives. And yes, my DH is one of those frikkin' idiots. So hopefully, his idiocy can be a lesson to someone else.
I think every teenage boy who is considering sex, should have to come here and read some of this website. Maybe we should bookmark a few choice threads about manipulative BMs looking for a free ride via getting knocked up to point them to.
In the case of the condom breaking - hmm... I dunno, grind up some morning after pills in her food maybe???? That or shove them down her throat!
That would be a good idea to
That would be a good idea to have teen boys come on here and read some of the crap people go through.
Yeah, maybe every man should get an alotment of morning after pills for certain oh shit situations....use them wisely, lol
Option #1: Keep it in your
Option #1: Keep it in your pants , dumbarse.
Womens right seem to trump
Womens right seem to trump mens ridiculously in family court after birth, you really think rights before birth would even be considered??
Semifan - No, I don't think
Semifan - No, I don't think anything will change anytime soon. But just because it is doesn't mean it should be.
Deliciairene - Everyone is entitled to their opinion. No, obviously no one can be forced to have an abortion or forced to keep it on the flip side. But, I dont believe it's right for something that took two people to make happen that only one person has a say in the end result then expect two people to go along with the decision. If a woman wants to completely disregard what the man wants ALSO in the situation and make a life changing decision with a blatant solo attitude, then maybe she should deal with the fincancial consequence on her own. IMHO of course. Agree to disagree.
It isnt fair that women hold
It isnt fair that women hold all of the cards in regards to kids. Men arent going to not have sex. If you tell a man we can have sex and I wont get prego because I cant/I'm on the pill/etc. and you get pregnant anyway there should be ramifications for your deceit. That would be ideal. Unfortunately its just not practical. My DH would have no children if it were up to him. He didnt want either of his ex's to get prego and he believed that they wouldnt/couldnt because they said so. You can convince yourself to believe anything when you want to get it in I guess.
I think if its just a case of not being responsible tough....but when there are lies and manipulations to trap...its just not right.
I also think that its crap that if your not legally married and you are a man you basically have no parental rights and you have to fight for what little rights you can get. If a man has a child with a women married or not, and a dna confirms it...and he has no convictions, no drug history, no abuse history...he should AUTOMATICALLY have equal rights, physical, and legal custody - 50/50 to THEIR children. Pooping a kid out of your V should not make you automatically superior.
The only problem is that
The only problem is that being a mother is one of the lonliest jobs in the world... So if a man talked you into keeping something you didn't want, and then didn't end up helping, you might end up resenting it, neglecting it, abusing it, or abandoning it.
Yes, but this works the other
Yes, but this works the other way, alot right now. Women have children when men make it clear they don't want it, and the same consequences you pointed out can occur. It's no more right for a man to talk a woman into having a baby she doesn't want than it is for a woman to talk a man into a baby, or better yet tells him that she is going to have a baby he doesn't want and there isn't a damn thing he can do about it.
men get the financial end of
men get the financial end of the deal. it sux! some men would be better parents than some of these jack wagon bms