Why does BM punish Sk for talking to Sm?

My step daughter was talking to me on Instant messaging. All the sudden she said I cant talk to you. I asked if someone was telling her not to. And she logged off. I then got a nasty text from BM saying I had no right to ask that. Then she proceeded to yell and tell me that the SK dont want to talk to me or thier father and we need to respect that and not question them. Which is interesting because every friday SD11 and I talk on the computer. That has now came to a hault.

So this past sunday while talking to SD11 she said she got grounded from computer for not asking for permission to talk to us. Which is thier rules they cant talk to anyone without asking first on computer or phone.

So SD was punished for talking to us. That is soo hard.
Then SD proceeds to tell us that her BM and SDad gave her a new IPOD Touch for her birthday. Yes she is 11. And they told her she can only use it when they say and that is doesnt leave the house. She asked if she could bring it to our home for her Spring break visit. Her BM said no. Her SD said you will have to prove that you are not responsible and that will be very hard and you probably wont.

WOW! This poor girl I worry for her and SS8. But really until the court custody eval starts we have to just hold our breath that the kids are not being affected.

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I think that you need to step

I think that you need to step back so that sd doesn't get in trouble. That is what I did, my skids were always being grounded for just liking me. I found that if I took myself out and stepped that the kids were less to be put in the middle but bm. I know it sucks but I was thinking of the kids.

OK! I will not tell you what

OK! I will not tell you what to do, but I have in the past with ss13 texted very briefly. I have also explained to him WHY I don't text him and he already knows why I can't call him. He doesn't understand why his moms is "prejudice" (his word) against me. I do this to limit the grief I know his BM will give him. I have bonded with ss13 and don't want to cause waves. I and You need to remember. These are not are children. We where not there at the moment of conception. Unless the lives "like in ss17,16&11 are at stake" Adults need to let {parents} do their job? If you have read my blog you know his sons 1,2&4 have the same life threatening disease as father. BM refuses to acknowledge they have it or make them take medicine. I hate to say this but I think she would do a "poor me" if Dh lost a child. I visit my daughter ever year to put flowers on her grave. I do not do a poor me. I do do a so very much miss you. I do not wish you BM that pain. I pray you wake up.

I use to text Ss12 when he

I use to text Ss12 when he visited his mom if he texted me first. I would always answer him, but never instigated any contact. It never occurs to me to call my SDs if they aren't here. SD8 is always here except 3 Saturdays a month and I would feel intrusive if I encroached on it. SD4 is in daycare all day from 9 to 6 during the week when she's with her mom, so by the time she gets home their time before bed is limited. I would also feel like I was encroaching. I get more than enough of her the week she's here. Is it Friday yet?

I think I might feel differently if we weren't custodial. But as a custodial SP I don't care if the BMs call every day as long as they don't want to talk to us.

what a freakin low self

what a freakin low self esteem psycho. i get so tired of these piece of chits acting like that.

it only hurts the kids.

you pray it doesn't affect them? it screws with them constantly....talk about an adult behaving badly, she is such a BITCH.

WOW.. You really dont see a

WOW.. You really dont see a problem with the rules.. ?

We see the kids 4-6 weeks

We see the kids 4-6 weeks every year that is it. And we have very open communication rules at our home They want to call mom or SD. Call them. We are not going to hinder the relationship they have with thier parents. It is important that we support the kids... not hinder them

Good for BM for sticking to

Good for BM for sticking to the rules in her home.If more of them created rules and followed through with them half of us wouldn't even need to be here because life would be smoother by not having skids with no limits and rules.
If BM was iming her kid while the kid was in your home you or your Dh would probably have a holy fit about BM hovering and hogging your time with SD.So why do it to her?
I'll never understand why it's ok for the SM and Dh to do certain things but if the BM does it then they're the devil on earth.I admit MANY BMs are bogus and do stuff just to make life hard but honestly,people need to stop and think 'if bm did this,would i get angry?' if the answer is yes then guess what?DON'T DO IT.

Actually we are pretty open

Actually we are pretty open to them communicating with BM when they are with us. it is not a problem. My husband feels it is important for the children to see it as a positive relationship so they are not hurt. The kids really have had no chance at seeing a normal relationship. If you only knew the whole... story

WOW...... I think you really

WOW...... I think you really have some issues your self. SM and Dad are actually alot more responsible than you are acting.
Sad that you feel this way. If you only knew the whole story you wouldnt judge and say this.And BM is actually not parenting.. It is control and issues. Kids actually parent themselves... Custody eval found that one...

unless the kids are with us,

unless the kids are with us, i don't talk to them. i agree with bm here, although it looks like she's getting punished for talking to you (and that may be the case) but IS a house rule sm or best friend

Im not gonna lie-a few times

Im not gonna lie-a few times I jumped ss's butt for calling bm without asking. It's not that I cared if he spoke to him mom, but one time he called at 2am (he couldnt sleep). And the other time he called at like 6am, they got disconnected, and she called back waking everyone else up in the house. This was a few years back-he doesnt live with us anymore but I would still maintain the rule that if he wants to call his bm on our home phone (long distance call as well)then it is only courteous to ask.
I also had to explain to my ss that in our home, the phone is not to be used period by any child for any reason from the hours of 9pm-8am. I know for a fact he went home and told his bm that he was not allowed to call her anymore which was never the message I was trying to get across. Just because he has a bm out there doesnt mean he should get "special" rules.
Just because you are the sm doesnt mean that the bm should allow her to talk to you on the computer anytime she likes.

It may have been a house rule

It may have been a house rule or whatever.

But don't be mistaken, this is NOT for the best interest of skid. This is for the sole purpose of hurting the SM.

Our BM was really good at being vindictive in such a way that she could say, "No, I did it because of THIS..."

"No, I don't save all the medical bills for 6 months & then send then all to BF to pay in 30 days right before Xmas because I am vindictive! I just didn't have TIME to get them all in order before then!" (Ummm...aren't you usually MORE busy around the holidays??)

"No, I didn't refuse to co-parent with BF, HE has no RIGHT to know if his daughter has dropped out of HS. I AM THE MOTHER."

"No, I am not crazy when I come out of my house and stand in the yard screaming at your car. It is because I CARE TOO MUCH."

Get my drift? Just because you look at the situation and say, oh, (sane) BM is just doing her job. It is tough to be a single parent, yada, yada.

WE ARE NOT DEALING WITH A SANE PERSON. WE ARE DEALING WITH A PSYCHO WHO HAS NO QUALMS IN HURTING HER CHILD(REN) AS LONG AS IT HURTS THE ENEMIES AS WELL (DH & SM).

::skylarksms projecting her experience with BM onto another she doesn't even know::