It has been almost a year since I have posted or visited this site, but I'm back. A lot has happened over the past year, some good & some bad. I disappeared for a while because DH said that the advice I was getting from some of the people on this site had changed me and not in a good way. So I left for a while, but now I'm back. Because I just can't deal with the daily issues of being a SM without having some place to bitch about what I'm dealing with. I have also recently started seeking professional help from a therapist, because I just can't deal with everything anymore. I have my first visit on March 8th, I can't wait. I have so many problems that I don't know how to deal with and DH is no help at all.

Things between me & sd16 are constantly up & down. Tho sd16 doesn't realize that I am very depressed right now and have problems of my own and can't give sd16 the relationship sd16 thinks we should have. What sd16 is asking for, I don't feel is appropriate. SD16 wants me to discuss everything that is going on in my life with sd16. I am sorry, but I feel that there are certain lines that you should not cross when having a conversation with your kids. The only reason why sd16 is asking this of me, is because BM tells sd16 everything. I'm sorry, but I don't think that our kids should know every detail. Tho, maybe I'm wrong. :/

I have also found BS12(soon 13)father. I have not spoken to him in 12 years. Before DH & I moved, from time to time I would ask my xh's(ex-husband) family where he was or how to contact him. Because there were a few things from our divorce that were never settled. But they all told me the same thing...we have no idea where he is or how to contact him. Well,I got lucky one day and friend requested an old high school friend on facebook, who is also his cousin, and wouldn't ya know it...there he was on her friend list. I hesitated at first, but then got the courage to send him a message. Stating why I was contacting him, that I have been trying to find him for 12 years, and would like to discuss some lose ends from our divorce. Well, to my surprise....we are now friends on Facebook, we txt each other from time to time, and we have talked on the phone a few times. We have put our past behind us, moved on, and have become friends. We are currently working on settling the lose ends from our divorce, too.

DH & I have been having some problems to. Mainly not seeing eye to eye & being on the same page about different things. Just to name a few of them...1)me & xh being friends, 2)bs12 needing vision therapy, but insurance not covering it & having to pay for it out of pocket, 3)sd16 wanting us to give her a car, but sd16 not wanting to get a job to help pay for gas, ins., & repairs, 4)Budget to spend on SD16 for prom,and 5)DH not confronting BM, when SD16 told us that now BM's BF is giving SD16 his truck this summer(without discussing it with us first)...umm who is going to pay for title & tag transfer, ins., and gas?? DH & I can't afford to keep 2 vehicles running, let alone adding a 3rd. I love DH to death, but some days I wonder why I stay.

Tho yesterday DH said something that just amazed me and I wanted to say...."it's about time you realize that", but I didn't. We were all watching the news and they were showing the footage from the tornado that touched down in Kansas. DH could see the look in my eyes and see how badly I wished that I was a storm chaser. Yes, I would love to do that, but DH won't let me. And when he saw that look, he said "you can't go chasing storms because if something would happen to you, who would help me take care of the kids?" SD16 says "why should mom put her dreams on hold because of us?" DH says "because I can't take care of SD16 & BS12 by myself." It shocked me, DH basically admitted that without me, he wouldn't be able to care for the kids. Tho every time we argue, he says he could...yesterday he finally admitted that he wouldn't be able to.

Well, I know this blog is all over the place and it's just a little bit of what has went on over the past year. I will post more soon. It's good to be back!!