I had the same issue. I stopped doing ss23's laundry, dishes and stopped picking up after him so dh could see the pig him bm raised.

Same here! Cannot do a damn thing without being told more than ten times and then when the little bitch gets around to it, it's huffing and puffing and always half assed...

I have the same problem! My SD is 12 and my SS is 16. They do nothing! I've been fighting with my husband over this for 4 years. He wants to baby them thinking be will be liked better than the BM. He acts like chores are abuse. They can't even pick up after themselves let alone do chores! It drives me crazy, My 3 year old BD helps me pick up her room, and they do nothing. They are slobs and leave their shit all over the house. Once I told my SD to put her wet towel in the bathroom, and she did just that. She picked up her dirty towel, walked to the bathroom, and threw it on the bathroom floor! God forbid should she walk the extra 3 feet and HANG IT UP! I finally stopped fighting with my DH over it. It was a battle I would never win. If he wants them to be lazy slobs, so be it, but my BD will NOT be that way, and when she's older and asks why she has to clean up after herself and they don't I'll say "ask your father". I literally pick up their crap and throw it in their bedrooms and shut the door. If they want their rooms to be a mess then fine, but my clean house will stay clean! At least if its behind a closed door I don't have to look at it! It's not a solution, but its the best I could come up with. I completely understand your frustration.

Ah yes, Sterling. This topic is a very popular one. You are NOT alone.

I've been with my FDH for about 7 years now. My fskids aren't TOTAL brats like some of the ones you read about on here. They are generally good kids (in the sense that they don't do drugs, etc...). When I met FDH they were FSD9 & FSS6. Now they are FSD16.5 & FSS13.5. They do almost NO CHORES, yet they LIVE HERE 50% of the time (we share true 50/50 custody of them with lazy BM). So the excuse that most Disneyland Dad's have, such as "I don't want to make them clean & do chores when they are only with me every other weekend", etc... DOES NOT APPLY to our situation. Yet still, my FDH makes them do absolutely NOTHING to help out around the house.

You are NOT alone - I can totally understand your frustration.

My advice to you: Nip this in the bud IMMEDIATELY! If you wait a few years (like I did and most of us good-hearted SM's do) hoping that the skids will "grow up" and take on responsibility for themselves, it'll NEVER HAPPEN! I used to fight with my FDH for the first year of living with him over this exact issue. I moved into my FDH's house and rented my own house out. I am basically a very neat, clean person. I was raised by fairly strict parents that REQUIRED me to clean my room as a basic thing - not considered a chore and I never received allowance. However, his kids are TOTAL DISGUSTING PIGS (JUST.like.their.mother). FDH never required them to make their bed each day or do simple daily tasks such as putting dirty clothes in the hamper (not on the floor), vacuuming the rugs, cleaning the windows with Windex, etc... NOTHING! When I moved in, it would literally make my BLOOD BOIL to see their bedrooms each day look literally like a tornado hit them! Disgusting.

When I found this site (StepTalk), I learned a lot about the concept of DISENGAGING. The expression "Not my kids, not my problem" became my mantra - I did this to literally save my sanity!! I used to think to myself: "How can a parent not be totally embarrassed or mortified by their children being such TOTAL SLOBS?!? If that were my children, it would be unacceptable - I would literally be mortified if someone saw my kids living this way!". My FDH is a neat, clean person (in some ways, he's even MORE organized than I am), but when it comes to his precious angels (my fskids), for some strange reason, it all goes out the window. I still don't get it.

My advice: MAKE YOUR DH ACTUALLY "PARENT" HIS KIDS! Make HIM do their laundry, clean their dirty dishes, clean their disgusting bedrooms, etc... Just shut their bedroom doors and walk away! Trust me, this was EXTREMELY HARD for me to do, but I did it - and it worked! I do NOT go insane anymore - I don't have the time OR the patience to deal with these feral morons - it is totally unnecessary for your blood pressure to go through the roof over these kids. DO NOT DO THESE THINGS (cleaning up after skids) FOR YOUR DH/BF!! It will NOT be appreciated or even noticed - and even WORSE, he will EXPECT this from you for years to come!!!

I personally make my FDH do EVERYTHING for his kids (including the fact that I rarely lay out a DIME of my money for them). Too effin bad. Not my kids, not my problem. I didn't stick my penis in that whore tramp and make them, therefore it's not my responsibility to raise them or clean up after them. That's HIS job as their FATHER. What this ALSO does is it FORCES these men (who love to call themselves "fathers" but don't do any of the real work) to SEE THEIR OWN KIDS FOR WHAT THEY REALLY ARE - DISGUSTING PIGS!! Let HIM get his blood pressure as high as the sky and let HIM deal with it. Trust me, once you force your man to do the WORK, he'll be forced to see with his OWN EYES how his kids are.

The only thing I do for fskids is what I would do for myself normally anyway. For example, if I'm doing my laundry, I also do FDH's laundry. If I need to make a "full load" of colors, let's say, I'll go into FSD & FSS bedroooms and grab their dirty laundry. Otherwise, I let FDH do all their laundry (sickening that FSD will be 17 years old this year and has NEVER learned how to do her OWN laundry, but I digress....). If I'm making a nice home-cooked meal for FDH & I (during the RARE times I actually have time to do so, usually I come home from work later than FDH), then of course I'll cook enough for everyone, including fskids. I have no problem with that, because I'm doing the same amount of work I would've done WITHOUT them being there. Get it?

As for being the NICE person, trying to do things & clean up after skids to make your man's life easier? Yep, I've been there, done that, have the t-shirt. Did that for the 1st few years. I thought since FDH worked so hard (not that I didn't also!!) and took care of most of the work needed on the OUTSIDE of the home (i.e. mowing the lawn, etc...), that I'd take on keeping up the INSIDE of the house. Yeah, ok. That worked like a car without a battery once fskids were involved. Nope, no more Miss Nice Woman Milomom. She left.

As a matter of fact, I put my foot down fairly recently and told FDH that HE had to make a chore chart for fskids, decide on the consequences of noncompliance with it and enforce it - all himself (just told him to let me know what it all was, so I would be aware). I told him I'd give him some time to put it all into effect & to sit with fskids to go over it all, to be fair. What FDH doesn't know, is that if he does not follow-through with it soon, it'll me MILOMOM taking over with it.

The way I presented the chore chart to my FDH (in my sweetest, most innocent voice ever - lol), is that for each chore that fskids do at the house, that's one less thing that he & I have to take care of after working long, hard hours all week long. Not to mention, our weekends won't get wasted doing all the housework anymore if the fskids "pitch in a little". We are all a family and we are all a team. I told him even if he gets them to do 2-3 chores that they LIKE to do each week, that's less work for us (I emphasized for HIM, not as much for myself). The discussion with FDH actually seemed to have worked when I put it to him this way.

I swear, sometimes it's ALL IN THE PRESENTATION!!! LOL!!!! ::Evil Milomom grinning when she gets the results she wants::