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When should she go???

007Lostit's picture

Submitted by 007Lostit on Wed, 06/15/2011 - 1:57pm

Well, my SD graduated High school at the end of May.
Now my question is...when should she go? How long do I have to put up with her lazy ass?
For real...she has a "new job" at a local fast food place. She applied cuz she didn't like working the morning hours at her old job. So now she works until midnight all the time. DH goes to pick her up. He complains about being tired etc...but I don't really care....she isn't my problem and I ALREADY take her lazyiness to work as it is.

So she stays up all night watching television, then sleeps till 1-2 in the afternoon! Only showers once a week. Doesn't help with the housework. Stays in her room until she has to go to work, unless of course she comes up to get something to eat.

Remember, she has no friends. So how the hell am I supposed to get her lazy ass out of my house???!!!

I can't get my 8 year old to clean her room without threats and a lot of arguing, because she shares the downstairs with her sister who has been such a GREAT example to her....her room is a freakin' pig sty and she refuses to clean it at all....even after she is told to at least 20 times....hence the argueing with my 8 year old....monkey see monkey do...but I will be damned if I let my kids end up that lazy!! I make my daughter go down and clean her room.

What would you do? If you skid graduated and then just wanted to be a slug? Granted she has a job, but she just pisses her money away. I told DH that she will now have to start paying her way here. He still has not sat her down and had that convo with her....grrrr.....she goes across the street to the bookstore on her breaks and buys books to read too...part of what she does in her room till she has to go to work. She will drop $100 at the bookstore easy. Reading is good and all, but omg...get a freakin life!!!!

Comments

caregiver1127's picture

Submitted by caregiver1127 on Wed, 06/15/2011 - 1:59pm

Make her pay rent and then save the money and in 8 months you will have enough to get her her own place - don't let her live there for free or she will never go!!!

007Lostit's picture

Submitted by 007Lostit on Wed, 06/15/2011 - 2:18pm

oooh that is a good idea....it wouldn't take 8 months though i don't think. Rent is not that high around here. She wouldn't be able to have a room mate...remember....no friends. So not sure how that would work.

007Lostit's picture

Submitted by 007Lostit on Wed, 06/15/2011 - 2:20pm

Yep she is 18. I wanted her gone once she graduated. Her dad is dragging his heels.
Her brother is STILL living with their bio mom...he is going to be 21 tomorrow!! HE has no job and is a deadbeat dad too!!
I can't do that with my stepdaughter. She has to get her own place to live....I can't deal with the laziness.

MamaBecky's picture

Submitted by MamaBecky on Wed, 06/15/2011 - 4:10pm

DH and I have had this converstaion. We dont agree but since SD's are only 14 and 5 we have time to work out the details.

Noone aside from myself and my DH over the age of 18/or graduated from HS will live with us unless the following conditions are met

1. Full Time Student and Part Time Employement - savings account established and money must be being saved!

OR

2. Full Time Employment and paying a 1/3 of the household expenses (rent/mortgage, utilities) they will also be responsible for there own phone, car payment, and car insurance.

If they cannot manage either of the above, they cannot live in my house. End of discussion.

roseslady2's picture

Submitted by roseslady2 on Wed, 06/15/2011 - 5:09pm

DH and I have had a similar conversation. Our rules are:
1. Full time school & summer/weekend employment in that field--Don't want them deciding that they don't like it 1 year after they get out of school and moving back in to continue school again.
Or
2. Full-time employment and cover 1/3 expenses, including food, considering that our boys eat a bus once a week.

We also told them already that under no circumstances, even if they're paying rent, can they have girls stay over. We believe that they will be wanting to have their only places even before graduation (both will turn 18 before graduating). Unfortunately for her, BM has told them that they can live with her as long as they want... have fun with your 45-year old live-in son Smile

buttercookie's picture

Submitted by buttercookie on Wed, 06/15/2011 - 5:40pm

Realistically I can see you wanting her gone, 30 days isn't long enough of a notice, she's going to need a deposit and first months rent plus deposits for utilities, If you can tolerate her long enough I'd give her 90 days. Anything less your setting her up for financial peril or mooching off your spouse. Tell her 90 days and she pays for her own deposits. If she chooses not to save up, follow through and it'll be her loss. I see her brother needs a place too maybe a suggestion could be made they roommate. If she's being a pain in the butt 30 days is fair. It all depends on her behavior, she's an adult

ownpersonalopinion1's picture

Submitted by ownpersonalopinion1 on Wed, 06/15/2011 - 6:43pm

I'd push for her to get a college education. At least if she had some sort of job skill, she could support herself and probably won't be back in your household.

Most of the time, kids with a education don't have to return home because they can support themselves.

It's cheaper to help education them up front than it is years later when they return with kids and broke as hell with no education or job skills.

Done WIth It's picture

Submitted by Done WIth It on Wed, 06/15/2011 - 8:34pm

Now that she is an adult, charge her rent. Either use the money for a housekeeper or something that eases the tension for you.

It's time this girl either continues her education (and there are grants, scholarships....she just need apply and be earnest) or joins the rat race and working 9-5.

But she does need to be the adult, pay her share, and keep the house/yard clean.