This to a large degree is my ss13-who has adhd AND Odd-so we have both those factors at work. One of his major problems is that he also does not understand consequences-I think logically, theoretically he gets it as he does have at least average intelligence-but he cannot see how they apply to him in any way, shape of form. If he does X and gets in trouble-he does not think, Oh, wow I got in trouble for x-instead he thinks, "poor me, my sm is a biatch, my dad is always picking on me, or my siblings always get me in trouble". These are always his thoughts. At school it is the teacher, his classmates, his mom's fault. There are times when he is receiving consequences for an action and he may change his tune and say, "oh, I'm really sorry i did xyz (so he knows what it is that evryone is upset about)" Then if you accept his apology at face value-15 minutes later you may catch him doing it again, reference when he apologized for it and acknowledged it was wrong, and he will tell you he never did any such thing.

He is also very slow with any task. Often he feels if he puts off a task long enough he will get out of it. Even if he knows he has to do it-he would prefer to do it at his own-extremely slow-pace just to show you who's boss.

These things may never change. i dont really look for them to in my ss13's case. So what I do-is just not let him push my buttons. If you dont want to do what I ask-then yes, you will suffer the consequences. I dont care if you think you did anything wrong, I dont care if you think I am just picking on you, I dont care if you get it or not. I am not going to let you frustrate me, make me mad, or ruin my day. When he sees that he is not getting the desired reaction of pissing me off it does take the wind out of his sails a little. And it makes me smile.

This is a classic technique that is old as the centuries. It's called STALLING.

Children will naturally do this when it's time to do something that they don't like. That's when you threaten to leave the house without them and then DO IT! It's an old fashioned parenting technique long abandoned by the modern day "discipline is abuse" crowd called "putting the fear of god into a kid."

It worked well for centuries but now it's much more modern and better to put kids on dangerous mind-bending, health threatening drugs, doncha know. :sick:

Or, alternatively (if kid is too young to be left alone) take the kid as-is. If kid is miserable because s/he is going to school in pajamas and gets laughed at, well, who's fault is that? It can be mortifying as the adult if you think others will perceive yo as being a poor parent for this, but better mortified a few times until kid learns than to constantly be in this battle of wills...

Totally agree. SD6 has gone to school with two different shoes because she threw a fit in the morning and threw the shoes out of her room. She didn't get those back for a long time. Guess what, she hasn't thrown her shoes again.

LOL! sometimes you have to be extreme. I remember a couple of years ago my son made a comment about not liking the new basketball shoes I kindly picked up for him. It was just one of those days. I picked up the box, opened up the front door, and said, "fine, then dont wear them" and threw them out in the front yard and stormed off to my room slamming the door. He went and retrieved them, apologized to me, and said they really were ok. He has never made a statement like that again.