Thank you, Mae! I'm sorry to hear that you went through the same thing but it makes me feel less crazy to know that I'm not alone. She's going to be 4. When I brought up the fact that I'm the adult and the SO, his response was "well, how could you weigh in on a discussion that you weren't there for?" Um...you can text me during the day for nonsense...how about you mention it then instead of "well, SD4 and I were thinking we should go to X for dinner." Seriously?!? Um...how about I stop paying the bills and she can step in for me. I'd love to see her play the adult role. And then she has the GALL to keep sneaking looks at me or acknowledging me half assed. He will never go to counseling. He doesn't "believe in it". I didn't know that we were going to meet the tooth fairy. Like my therapist and I have discussed, this isn't the right relationship for me and I need to focus on myself. Its REALLY hard when you have to endure the nasally panderings and whinings of a child you want to disappear.

Wow! Really? He let out in the atypical fight we had last night (atypical because he wrapped his hands around my neck and began choking me...pretty sure I'm pregnant and that's what happened...I had to say it again to someone...it still feels...surreal) that SD4 has been asking why I won't speak to her anymore but of course, he doesn't tell her that its because of him. When she says "hi MC" all monotoned and pseudo innocent with a splash of disinterest, I reply in the same. I have no where to go, no source of income but I'm leaving here...tonight if I have to. I can't believe this man claimed to love me and did what he did. And his mother-loving mother! REFUSES to acknowledge me as a human being because I told them that he needs help. He drinks constantly, dabbles in drugs, is a guilt ridden, lazy part time parent who has anger issues to boot but I'm "that woman" who spoke ill of her precious son. This is going to be hardest on my poor pup, who got used to them and his dog. He was already whining because X took his dog for a walk and left mine behind. I walk them together, no matter what, because dogs are pack animals. Of course I got the lame excuses and apologies but this time...nothing. No iota of sympathy or anything. You started to strangle me while saying you're going to kill me because I call you out on your slovenly laziness? Any chance of ANYTHING being right between us is done. I have half a mind to tell BM but I just want to get as far away from these people as I possibly can, right after rights are signed away.

Oh believe me, Miss Pinky. I do realize. More than any one can know and fathom. You see, I am the child of divorced parents. In that home, there was nothing (NOTHING) but domestic violence. He didn't threaten to strangle me. HE STRANGLED ME. He threatened to KILL me. I kicked him in the family jewels and told him that this (THIS) was it for me. I refuse to be with a person like this, solely because of what I watched my mother endure for "the children". I'm out of here, whether my stuff comes or not. Thankfully, there are people looking for roommates so I will be busy this holiday weekend getting a safe place to stay.

Thank you for the support, however. It is appreciated. I have to think about myself, my child and my pup now.

I know what you mean! Its like YOU have to walk on eggshells for a child. Could you imagine if we even TRIED that as kids? I found a room to rent. I can afford it on unemployment and the girl didn't ask me any questions. She's also going to help me pack and move. I'm going to hit up my savings account and get this ball rolling. I won't lie, I feel terrified! I've been living with him for two years and I've turned this house into my home. I took my paintings off the wall and he didn't say a word. I told him that I'm leaving (refused to answer when he wanted to know where) and told him that my responsibilities need to be discussed. He said not to worry about it but I'm no fool. He'll go and tell anyone who will listen about how I didn't contribute to the household but anything he ever needed and more was always here. He said that he needs time to think. Oh really? Where was that restraint when you put your hands on my neck? This feels like an AWFUL dream. I have acknowledged that this will be hard. I am mourning the loss of something I thought and hoped I had but never did. He tried to say that he thought that it was "fair" for me to pay $300+ for the electric bill when he took care of everything else and that I was "ungrateful" by not taking care of the house. Who did the laundry, made dinner, cleaned up after you and your child, bought your child stuff when you couldn't be bothered, is spearheading the renovations and renting of the upstairs apartment? But I'm ungrateful? Anything they wanted or needed, they had and all they ever did was ask for more. So I stopped. The dishes are STILL piled up in the kitchen from the last time he "did dishes". And he had the nerve to say to me that when he wasn't working, what he did (He tackled a different project every day! Oh! But my cleaning and studying for my medical school entrance exams is bubkiss! Not to mention, I don't need to take a week to clean a house) yet couldn't even acknowledge what was done in the house? When he paid for dinner or did anything a man wouldn't even hesitate to do, I thanked and appreciated him but has he thanked me? Never turned him down sexually but was always rebuffed when I was in the mood. "Hey, pick up SD4 please, I'm working late" and then he shows up at the house at his normal time.

The one-sided criticism has been building up but last night was the straw that murdered the camel's back. To say the vile stuff that he has said over the time we've been together (c*nt, wh*re, etc.) only to apologize for "being angry", the never standing up for me to his family (and hello! I was freaking right!), the never being there for me when I need him but his ability to drop EVERYTHING for his friends, family and BM, I can never look at him the same. Nor do I want to. I hope that I can heal from this and let real love into my life. And I hope that you ladies can establish boundaries for yourselves and end up happy with whatever decision you make. I will definitely still be lurking, even though I will no longer be in a step situation.