Clothes – It’s Rocket Science
So I’ve struggled with the clothes issue in the past. I was the only one that seemed to care, BM, DH and SSs did have the issue i.e. not having season appropriate clothing, wearing clothes DH and I bought to BM’s (the black hole) never to be worn back at our house again – you get the picture.
So a few months ago I said f*ck-it. I stopped keeping track of SSs clothes. Well it came to a head this week when SS10 literally ran out of clothes at our house.
DH is like “what happened,” “I don’t understand,” ”why didn’t you tell me,” “blah, blah, blah….”
So I explained it like this:
“Sweetie it’s not rocket science:
SS10 has been:
1. Wearing his swim-trunks here from y-camp; not bring any shorts or underwear with him in his backpack; and then wearing shorts and underwear back to BM’s the next morning packing his swim-trunks in his backpack.
2. Wearing his baseball jersey here and not bringing along a t-shirt and wearing a t-shirt back to BM’s, as well as, taking his baseball jersey with him.
3. Wearing SS14’s clothes and socks here and leaving for BM’s in his own clothes.
The result is SS10 has no clothes here. No socks, no shorts, no underwear and no t-shirts.”
DH:”Why didn’t you remind me.”
ME: “I’ve told you these things when I noticed what was going on. The only difference is I didn’t bring it up again because and I quote: “I’m tired of listening to you nag about clothes.” So I stopped nagging”
DH just looked at me red faced.
So DH talked to BM and SSs and got SS10 some clothes. And though he was peeved with me, DH has no one to blame but himself.
~BettyRay
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Comments
Good for you, its nice that
Good for you, its nice that you stood your ground and let it go down the way it would go down. We all could learn about you about these things we always say we will but out then we can't help ourselves its great that you were able to.
It was hard. I hated seeing
It was hard. I hated seeing our clothes walk out the door knowing they wouldn't return. Of the clothes BM gave us for SS10 NONE of it was ours! Not even the underwear or socks.
~BettyRay
I just got tired of cleaning
I just got tired of cleaning up after BM and DH. The boys could be more responsible but I think it's up to their parents, not me, to make sure they have clothes.
~BettyRay
We're going on vacation later
We're going on vacation later this summer and I'm dreading packing for the boys. I already know SSs won't have enough underwear and socks and of the clothes BM will send, if she holds true to past experience, none will match. So the boys will look like hobos.
~BettyRay
It wasn't so bad when we had
It wasn't so bad when we had the boys EOW, but now we have them an additional 1 to 3 nights a week; and it just is really hard to keep on top of the laundry and with the boys getting older they don't want to wear the same clothes 2 days in a row.
DH got peeved when I would tell SS10 or SS14 to change into different clothes to go back to BM's in the morning. If I didn't make SS10 lay out his clothes the night before DH would never remember to do it and SS14 thinks he's above laying out his clothes the night before.
~BettyRay
I remember those days.
I remember those days. Luckily with girls when they reach a certain age (12 or so) clothes mean everything to them. For us that meant no more back and forth with BM. SDs brought their own clothes that they were not embarrassed to be seen in. We would give them gentle reminders if needed (ie: Next Sat. we are going to Tom's wedding. Bring a church dress & shoes)
Looking back it is amazing how time takes care of many skid problems. So keep up your spirits ladies. This too shall pass.
I waiting for the day when
I waiting for the day when clothes aren't an issue. But I think that day is a long way off.
~BettyRay
Good for you. DF and I are
Good for you. DF and I are debating the clothes issue now. He wants me to help him buy things for his younger girls to keep at our house. I'm against that idea. We did that last summer with under pants. I got sick of a 3 year old walking around in pull ups so I got her a bunch of panties. She always left our house in panties. None of them were ever returned. I refuse to spend any more money on them because their mother expects me to. Even if I did buy them things, she will just bitch about them. I like girly girl things in cute, bright, fun, girly colors. She buys dull, boring things because she worries about them getting dirty. She's the only mom I know who will not buy her girls pink sneakers, sandals, coats or jackets. She not only expects me to buy things for them. She also expects to have final say on what I spend my money on. LOL
We tried buying clothes for
We tried buying clothes for the boys but have stopped.
Last summer I bought 8 pairs of underwear and 10 pairs of socks for both boys and haven't seen them since. That was the last straw for me.
I would suggest if you are going to buy clothes, to buy them at Goodwill, it's been my experience that it doesn't bother me as much if the clothes are secondhand and end up at BM's.
Who cares what BM thinks of how you dress SD. When SD is with you, you should be able to dress her however you see fit.
~BettyRay
DH will ask BM for underwear
DH will ask BM for underwear and she'll give him 3 pairs for each boy.
And I'm thinking, "um...no I'd like 8 pairs of underwear for each kid, BM. You know the ones they wore to your house and you didn't bother to send back."
If only DH would man-up and say it. But he doesn't want to confront BM about it.
~BettyRay
I try to do the same but
I try to do the same but sometimes our clothes end up at BM's. I have resorted to keeping some of the nicer clothes from BM's house here by always having them in the laundry when SSs are going back to BM's. It works some of the time.
Oh, and SS10 doesn't like to wear underwear. When DH asked BM if she knew about it BM laugh it off and thought it was cute which has made correcting the problem a nightmare.
DH and I have resorted to a no underwear no video games rule at our house and also have him scub any stains out of his pants or shorts because of not wearing underwear. These approaches seem to be working for now.
~BettyRay
I know. DH will ask BM for
I know.
DH will ask BM for a specific t-shirt that we bought and she'll say, "I don't know if it's here I honestly don't keep track of the clothes they wear over from your house."
BUT
When SS10 wore a nice sweater over to our house for Christmas BM was on the phone the next day (Christmas Day) asking for it back.
I had complimented SS10 on the sweater and SS14 made a point of telling me that they were supposed to change before they came over but SS10 didn't.
It's annoying too cause BM always sends them for Christmas or Easter dressed in play clothes instead of dress clothes. DH and I buy them dress clothes but still if BM isn't keeping track of the clothes it shouldn't matter what they choose to wear to our house.
~BettyRay
This clothing battle has been
This clothing battle has been going on the entire three years I have been living with SO. We have clothes here for SS12 and SD10. They hate having to change back into the clothes they came from BMs in; however if they don't we will never see our clothes again. BM is a total slob who rarely does laundry. I find it hard to comprehend a woman who allows her little girl to wear the same underwear for days, and a 12 year old skid mark boy to do the same! It is so disgusting!
The clothes we have here are nice, we shop sales for them and really don't spend much. BMs clothes for the kids don't fit and look awful. She is too lazy to take the time to get them what they need. Plus she always claims to be bankrupt. Yeah right, bankrupt on $2500 a month CS and a full time job on top of it.