You are here

I would like some opinion on this

Sexybaby's picture

Submitted by Sexybaby on Sun, 07/10/2011 - 10:11am

My DH is thinking about getting a job overseas. I said okay whatever you want to do to make more money for us. But I told him think about it because you won't see your son or us while your over there. DH told me when its my time to have my SS4 to go pick him up but I said why do that if your not even here for SS4 to see you.I don't want my SS4 here while you are not, he visits you not me. He told you don't care about him, I told him I do care ( only not to get into an argument,because I really care he is not mine)My DH wants me to be a mother to him but my SS4 really don't listen to me and sometimes starts fights with my BSs just so my DH can take SS4 side so SS4 does not get into trouble and my DH always blames my BSs even when its not them just because they are older(10,9). It drives me crazy to take care of all three boys and my DD6mos when my DH has no clue how to do it. My point is why do I need to have my SS4 here with me if my DH is not here to spend time with him if my DH does decide to go through with it and get an overseas job.

Comments

briarmommy's picture

Submitted by briarmommy on Sun, 07/10/2011 - 10:35am

You need to put your foot down there is no reason for you to have his child if he is not there. If I was the BM I wouldn't want my kid to be there without your DH anyway. Maybe she will put her foot down, but I wouldn't send my kid to someone else if there father wasn't there so you might not even have to worry about it, she might take care of it for you.

Still Have Hope's picture

Submitted by Still Have Hope on Sun, 07/10/2011 - 10:42am

You shouldn't take over your H's visitation. My DH travels extensively for his job and this was a issue that came up early in our marriage. I refused to take skids for DH's wed. night and EOW visits. DH always brought out the song and dance about our home was a better environment for the skids. But I had my hands full with a toddler and infant. BM did not like losing her free time but I didn't care. Once when DH was gone for 5 months I did pick the skids a couple of times for a McDonald's outing so they could see their half-sibs (my bios). Stick to your guns. It is his visitation with his son not yours.

what-was-I-thinking's picture

Submitted by what-was-I-thinking on Sun, 07/10/2011 - 10:42am

Oh hell no!!! His kid comes to visit him. Why should you be the free babysitter for BM? If he wants to see his kid so bad then he should take the kid with him when he goes. I'm sure your sons wont miss the PITA while your DH is gone. Also remind him that if BM hears about him making more money she might try to get her CS raised

Sexybaby's picture

Submitted by Sexybaby on Sun, 07/10/2011 - 10:49am

Thank you all, I'm glad you get my point in this. And yes I told my DH about making more money BM would want the CS raised but he is adopting my BSs and DD is his also so maybe it go up that much but you never know. DH will be legally responsible for four kids not just two. but getting an overseas job is up in the air just thinking about it

Nette5's picture

Submitted by Nette5 on Sun, 07/10/2011 - 1:38pm

See if the Paternal Grandparents can/will take SS while DH is out of the country. Then see if they can take DD every other time or once a month when they have SS so that the kids and grandparents don't loose the relationship. Then your DH gets to know that SS still sees his family.

simifan's picture

Submitted by simifan on Sun, 07/10/2011 - 9:34pm

Change tactics....

Visitation rights are not transferable. BM would have to be agreeable for you to even take him, with your DH out of the country she is well within her rights to refuse. Surely DH wouldn't want his time with skid to be taken my BM's new honey.

Sure, you'll try to arrange for him to see his siblings now and then, besides wouldn't he rather change his regular visitation for skype visits or something? Good Luck.

Still Have Hope's picture

Submitted by Still Have Hope on Mon, 07/11/2011 - 8:53am

Unfortunately not all BM's will feel that way. In my case BM wanted her free weekends and Wed. nights to do her own thing kid free. This is a woman who had her kids in daycare from 6 AM to 6 PM M-F for 8 years when she did not have a job. Many of the BMs here are not exactly mother of the year. Their partying comes before their kids well being. They have no problem pawning kids off on anyone who will take them as long as they still get their CS every month.