Actually I wouldn't like this arrangement either. Especially if bm has now vacations during the summer w/the kids.
ALso-are you sure you want the ENTIRE summer and no break for yourselves to do anything? That's a big bulk of time that I would honestly not like.

We are IN THE SAME state and BM has thrown SD at bf and his parents for almost 6 weeks-and it's been excruciating.

Anyways-I think 4 weeks might be more standard. Where they both get down time "summer time" for fun stuff w/the kids. Perhaps add a spring break week in addition to the 1 week in Christmas? Yes it will be added flying cost but a bit more equitable in my opinion.

As to your move, hope you like GA...big change from PA. IF you need any help w/school/locations, etc send me a PM.

DH and I are long distance NCPs.

He is allowed up to 6 weeks in the summer, but this year it was 4 - SD15 had to be back 3 weeks before school started for band camp.

BM allows us to get SD15 any other time we want - but we pay for all of the travel costs. We usually swap years; one here in NC with my mom, one in LA with his mom. So we get SD15 for Christmas when we're in LA, and she comes to NC the day after Christmas the other years.

School in the south ends in early May, and starts up in early-to-mid August. I know that the school district I grew up in (NY, 10 miles from Susquehanna, PA) ended school around the 20th of June, and didn't start again until the Wednesday after Labor Day. There's quite a difference from region to region.

My dh has a similar request. Long story short, he requested 2 months during the summer (which is upsetting for me bc I don't want them that whole time) but said they are free to visit for 7 days for vacation with their mom. He will see them every other weekend throughout the school year, odd years for Thanksgiving, Dec 19-24, originally he then wanted them Dec 29-Jan 4... I told him he was crazy. For God's sake, do I not get a break from them for holidays?!!! I want to have my New Years too! Anyway, I think they did every other new years. He wants spring break. Every other Easter, Presidents week. As you can see, any vacation, my husband wants them. Hell, do we get a vacation without the kids??? Ugh... makes me sick.

A long distant parenting plan should be agreed upon by both parties and personalized to meet the needs of the child. I doubt the Judge is going to decide anything at all. If it goes to court the Judge will usually send you to mediation $$$ over and over again until the parties have agreed on a schedule. One thing that helped us finally get an agreement was to pay for all travel expenses. We also added a clause that the schedule was flexible to meet the needs of the child, as long as the number of days remained the same. This allows for the child’s changing needs.

We have found that anything longer then 6 weeks gets really uncomfortable during the summer. Our SD14 gets bored and crabby because she's not in school and has no friends in our area. We both work. Summer camps usually don't fall neatly within her visit schedule. And so 4 weeks usually works out pretty well because we can take a vacation together and hang out with family. We take her for the week after x-mas because she has a little brother and she likes to see him open his presents. We also have her half of spring break and every other T.G. Yet lately she's asked to come visit every T.G. and her BM lets her. She has been making the 2 hour RT flight 4 times a year since Dec 2008. So far so good. Only one spring visit was cancelled so she could visit her grandma and we made it up with the following T.G.

Something you should be aware of is the distance is extremely hard on the kid emotionally and dilutes your ability to do any actual parenting.

Good Luck.

Thats the other thing-what about summer break time w/his friends? All summer is honestly not something that the child may like...and the 10 months for BM are during school time (no down/play time). I think he should start with 4 honestly-and perhaps alternating week in Christmas/New years break (our kids in GA have two weeks there)..and perhaps alternating spring breaks (again in GA there is a random week in Feb and in April kids have breaks on-don't know how PA is.

If the child wants to stay longer go from there. But it's coming across as "unreasonable" to BM and I can see why.

Also as others have said-wouldn't you like a few weeks of the summer to enjoy yourselves w/out kids there the whole time? I know I would.

I know..and honestly having your kid around all the time (mine are also) vs a stepkid aroudn all the time...BIG difference lol.

If/when we move down the road-our idea of "extended" visit would be MAX 2 weeks. Maybe a max of one week lol

LD = Long Distance. And do keep us posted!

I can only share my own personal experience. BP's divorced when child was 3. When SD was 5 we had to move to IL from MI due to BF's job situation. The agreement before moving was every other weekend, alternating holidays, split school vacations, and 6 weeks during summer. Since we lived in the same town, SD was also with us a couple of days a week but we didn't have that in the custody agreement, it was just something we agreed to. We would split the 6 weeks up where she would go home to BM every other weekend during the summer due to her age.

When we moved, we continued this visitation schedule, we would fly her over on our weekends (1 hr flight). We paid for her flights. BM would drive her to airport and pick her up on her end. When it benefited BM during summer, she would drive half way to pick up SD. Once summer was over, she did not return the favor of meeting half way. We took her to court and won. More and more cases nationwide are going to shared transportation. I have a friend in WI that drives 15 miles to meet halfway & it is court ordered.

When SD was 11, BM had remarried and things were not going well so SD came to live with us. By then, summers were 6 weeks straight. We just flipped the visitation schedule but since BM made less than BF, we waived her child support in lieu of her paying for her transportation. We always included BM in SD extracurricular activities with plenty of notice so she could plan. SD also knew that summer visitation was more important than summer activities. Long distance takes lots of communication.

SD is now 17. She says the traveling was never a big deal to her & kind of fun. Yes, sometimes she would be bored. Even in intact families kids get bored. If she wanted a summer activity, it would just be where she would be. She did not have friends to play with most of the time in either location during summer due to schedules. BM, BF, SM, SF all worked during day. She would go to day camp or some activity for day. Other times, she had daytime babysitter who did fun summer stuff with her. You make it fun, you make it work. Summer planning means you start planning early. She played soccer for 6 weeks instead of the full 10 weeks. Which ever parent had her, paid for her activities/daycare. We did split school costs.

In late teens she did start competitive dancing which took a toll on her BM visitation because her BM wasn't willing/able to take her to competitions they were in multiple states. BM did come attend a few of them a year which was great. We always tried to find time outside of her competition schedule so she could have extended time with BM. We gave BM all school vacation times to adjust for it. We helped with transportation to accommodate child's desire to compete. It's a give and take. Plus every child's personality is different and that needs to be considered.

As for parenting/rules, yes we had different rules in each house but we all had same goal. If there was ever an issue that needed to be addressed we had a family meeting with all of us there to discuss it with child. Sometimes SD had problem with a parent, we discussed it in a family meeting. It eliminates the he said/she said. Obviously it was easier since we were only a 4 hr drive apart but nowadays you can skype to stay involved. If BM doesn't have computer or webcam, buy her one. As with any move, initial costs are higher. You just include the costs to stay involved with your child.

You probably would get shared transportation in court. It is best if you can work it out because you want that foundation but sometimes you have to go to court. You would go to a mediator first, it is usually court mandated now. Mediation can be helpful. The most important thing to remember is that the focus should not be what you want but what is the best solution for the child to get time with both parents. Sometimes people get so stuck on their positions, they forget what the child needs.

Good luck to you! It's hard no matter what.