trying hard to keep the peace
SS14 was here over night, he really has a hard time being bothered with showing at all, and I am beginning to have the same feeling about being bothered with him coming - well let me rephrase, with having to accommodate him at all in my life.
He came in I said Hi SS........I get a yeah.
Then nothing the rest of the night. Until DH gave him the socks I bought him (they were 50% off when I bought something for DD11) They were there and I thought hmm..that is a brand that SS likes.
Anyway, he barely talked to anyone again.
He did outside work at his grandmothers, comes into my house nasty and sweaty keeps his nasty work shoes on, and walks through my house, sits on my furniture. And I just bit my tongue. At dinner I said, DD11 wash your plate off and put in dishwasher - right in front of SS, who walks in and puts his plate in the sink. Again I just bit my tongue.
I text him and get no response, he has deleted me from his facebook, has deleted my DD18 and his half sister DD11.
I would like to beat the crap out of him, and say............you know what we are not bad people! What I would like to do is tell him- it's your loss. You have excluded us from your family, not the other way around.
Instead, I walk away, keep my mouth shut and try not to be here when he is.
Ok, that is my complaint, the vent is small much erased after I wrote it down. I'm just tired of the fight, wore down and don't much care if these two kids are a part of my family. The only problem I have is a) birthday presents, b) christmas presents, c) any family vacations we may take.
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Comments
Since he is behaving so
Since he is behaving so obnoxiously, I would have no guilt at ALL, about answering your questions
a) don't get him any
b) don't get him any
c) don't take him (I assume he doesn't live with you - otherwise this could be a bit tricky!)
Although I would not adopt a and b approach with a much younger kid - he is old enough to know that if he is going to behave like a pillock, why should you give him gifts which I 'm sure have few if any warm feelings behind them - its just hypocrisy, and why should you? I bet he doesn't get you any! He has made his hostility towards your children known, so why should he be allowed to spoil your holiday? Seriously, I would rather not have a family holiday than have this brat spoiling it.
I have lived with this same
I have lived with this same behavior for a couple of years, with my two stepsons (about the same age as yours). They will NOT speak to me, no matter what. Even to the point a couple of times that one of my kids was hurt (meaning physically) but they refused to come inside and tell me.
I quit doing anything for them. Period. No gifts, no "favorite" snacks, no nothing. I gave my DH plenty of warning this was going to happen. Yes, we went thru the "But B22, YOU'RE not trying hard enough..." WTFE As much as my DH doesn't want to admit that his precious Tweedles are rude, insensitive and don't care about others, he's finally had to admit he sees the way they treat me (and my kids) and doesn't like it.
My experience - my DH can't MAKE them like me, speak to me, etc. And I told him to not even try as it's a situation they will feed off of. But I don't have to accomodate them in this house, as this is MY house (yes, MY house, just check the mortgage documents) nor do I have to constantly subject myself to their ill selves.
If I want them to do something, I tell my DH to tell them. If they aren't following rules, he sets them straight (sort of), not me. This has worked to my advantage because DH is getting weary of having to call them out on things - therefore is being more stern about it instead of "pleading" gently with them to do this or do that (to which they never responded).
Get your DH involved. Push him to parent this child, since it's obvious this child does not view you as a significant adult in the household. Reassure your DH that you are only holding SS to the same standards as the other children in the house -- no more, no less.
And one other thing a couple people (StepAside to be specific) has advised me to do -- call him out on his behavior. Specifically direct him to put the plate in the dishwasher. If he doesn't, say, "Excuse me SS, but that plate needs to go in the dishwasher before you leave the kitchen." Make sure this happens in front of your DH so he too can see the insolent manner in which SS behaves.
Good luck. It's tough, maddening, and sad that we are sometimes put out by the rude behaviors of snot-nosed teenagers whom we feel we have no control/say over.
I feel your pain. ss15 is
I feel your pain. ss15 is miles away and won't be back until the holidays but I dread dealing with all this again when he comes back. It's extremely difficult when you have good intentions and you are treated with disrespect despite your good intentions - in your own home.