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He doesn't like the term Baby Mama

allinall's picture

Submitted by allinall on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 11:23am

So recently I referred to my SS's mother as the baby mama to my husband. My husband got upset and said that he doesn't like that term and that I should only refer to her as SS's mother or by her name. Now normally I would respect someone's request of this nature. However, I asked him how come he wasn't bold enough to correct her in the same way when I was being referred to as "that bitch" "dumb-as girlfriend", "stupid-as girlfriend", "ugly-as girlfriend" and so forth by her. (Those are the only terms I've heard/seen via phone/text) I've NEVER heard him correct her like he did me. His response of course: "it doesn't matter what she has said...that's her. I'm asking you not to talk to me that way." If he thinks I'm gonna change anything in my vocabulary to respect someone who for years disrespected me...he's surely got another thing coming. I always feel like he is in some way taking up for her when it comes to me.

Comments

ms.blessed.n.distressed's picture

Submitted by ms.blessed.n.di... on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 11:32am

Ugh I hate feeling like this. I can however call BM whatever I want except to her. To her "I must keep the peace.'' Whatever!!!! She calls me whatever TO YOU and you don't stand up for me so why can't I tell her off from time to time. He says "you're being immature." Again whatever!!!! It does feel as tho they will stick up for Her and not US. Pisses me off!!!!!! I swear its the BM's fault! I know she had a toll on DHs stupidity when the were together. It like having to petty train a 10yr old dog. Never guna happen.

allinall's picture

Submitted by allinall on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 11:34am

@ Frieda...right!!!! I call it like I see it. She has 2 kids by 2 different men who never married her or even asked to marry her. Soooooo....isn't that what she is? In my situation, she's not even an ex-wife. So, to our husbands, it's not the problem that something "sounds" ghetto...it's that you fathered children by ghetto women....Like I said, I call it like I see it.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 11:46am

This is the underlying reason right here... by defiling BM, you are in essence making fun of DH for being dumb enough to sleep with and procreate with trash and men don't like it pointed out that they are idiots. However, if they don't like it they should have saved themselves the embarassment by let's say.... wearing a condom, removing their beer goggles, or just saying "no"

Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 12:27pm

EXACTLY! Thus my tagline. I have called the Behemoth by the name of a famous children's show character and he does not like that one bit!

lostinbrazil's picture

Submitted by lostinbrazil on Tue, 01/01/2013 - 5:46pm

Oh great idea I am totally going to start thinking of a nice "nickname" for BM! }:) }:) hehehe

smileygirl's picture

Submitted by smileygirl on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 11:34am

I agree with you. I know where he's coming from, I'm sure it's hard for him too but he was in bed with her not you so it's his problem to deal with. You are 100% right he should standup for you with her and if he can't now...don't every marry this man. It will not change.

The only solution I found as this was kind of a very small issue for DH and I prevously, only in that he didn't like the name that I called her, was that he and I choose an appropriate horrible thing that we would both refer to her as. Now, if he calls someone else that in traffic or something for instance I immediatly look around for her. Even she knows it's her name, it's what come up on the caller ID when she calls, is written on the calendar...he's even slipped and used it with her. LOL Blum 3

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 11:39am

He doesn't like how it makes him look. Saying that makes him feel like an idiot because he has a baby mama.
That's his problem.

No he should not tolerate the name calling of you from her. If that's how she is going to speak then he can tell her to discontinue communication until she wants to get it right.

shielded2009's picture

Submitted by shielded2009 on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 11:40am

I wish DH would come at me like that...DH actually calls BM "baby mama"...It pisses her off, too...lol...

I'd tell him that when she stops acting like a "Baby Mama" I'll call her something else...but until then...Baby Mama...Baby Mama...BABY MAMA...

allinall's picture

Submitted by allinall on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 11:48am

alwaysanxious...I looked at it that way too. Actually, someone else offered me that analogy...which is the only reason I didn't shove my engagement ring down his throat. J/J (We were only engaged at the time) Someone also told me that men don't like feeling like it's being thrown in their faces that they picked a "bad' mother for their child/children. For some reason, they take her short comings personally.

However, keep those feelings to yourself. I have never frivously referred to his baby mama as any of the negative things she refers to me as. (The term bitch may have slipped a time or two when I've had to snatch a yellow court order of my front door) I kinda feel like since I'm not calling her a "dirty, dusty-looking, nappy wig wearing, gold -tooth having, poor grammar using, jealous 10th year community college student, can't-get-a-man psycho" he shouldn't have a problem.

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 11:54am

LOL
"the only reason I didn't shove my engagement ring down his throat. "

He just feels stupid when you say it, he knows its true. That's on him.

So yeah, since she has more colorful names for you, I'd just call her bitch then. When he complains say, "well you said I couldn't use baby mama"

allinall's picture

Submitted by allinall on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 11:51am

Frieda...my man tries to deny she cheated on him too because "he has no proof". Yeah, no proof other than EVERYONE you know telling you that they saw her with the other men. But since she denied it and he didn't see it for himself...it may not have happened. Men are so dumb!

overit2's picture

Submitted by overit2 on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 11:52am

YES I agree they take bm's shortcomings personal, they do feel attacked, like they were idiots...and they were lol

I have called her bitch, golden uterus, baby mama, and worse...in fact this past wknd when he was rushing to another one of spawns 'required' bullshit 'events', I said well...enjoy time w/your baby mama and her family...I'll be cooking dinner.

Smile

shielded2009's picture

Submitted by shielded2009 on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 12:03pm

I don't think men take it personally...at least in my experience...

My DH is the FIRST person to tell folks he was a dumbazz...When I saw BM for the first time (DH wasn't with me, but I recognized SD), he said..."OH...was she (referring to BM) really, really ugly? If so...that was 9 times of 10 her...She's really ugly...and her teeth are jacked up worse than her face..." I was like REALLY? Who says that...?

Then he went on to say that he was a dummy...Glad he has his daughter, but his choice of not strapping up with BM was his biggest mistake...

So...he calls her what she is...a Baby Mama...They were never married...never in a relationship...she was what guys call "the back door whore"...*shrugs*

Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 12:29pm

It also gets back to the "big brother" syndrome in that "big brother" can call little brother/sister all sorts of names and tease, but if ANY OUTSIDER does that, WATCH OUT!!

File under: blood is thicker than water! Now that their "blood" has mixed with the golden uterus' blood, these men consider the BMs "family" and SM an "outsider."

SisterNeko's picture

Submitted by SisterNeko on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 2:56pm

I tell people that I have "Baby Mama Drama" all the time and I don't even have a baby (but BM likes to think that they still are babies.) Smile SO just laughs.