Sorry you feel you are gonna have such a rough holiday. I was like that last year, SO had his kids and refused to make other plans with them after I encouraged him to spend xmas day, he convinced me to allow them at my house xmas morning and it was going well until presents were all unwrapped and his kids started bawling and screaming about it and then accused the other kids of getting more which was also untrue but kids will be kids right? He took his kids to his moms house while I hosted xmas dinner at my house, they could have been there had they known how to behave but my grandparents were coming, it was very important for me to have my papa there who was very ill and I felt it would be his last xmas (it was, he passed 1.5 months later) he had a heart condition, bad blood pressure, Alzheimer's and even little amounts of stress would make him sick for days, my SO was not down with his kids being there because he knew their bad behavior could make him ill. Anyways, not even an hour into dinner SO's mom called basically demanding SO come get them ASAP because her and her husband couldn't handle them any longer. Sigh..... The following 2 days were eventful as well with SD6 screaming at the top of her lungs all day long. For some reason his weekend fell on xmas again this year but BM offered to switch because she was suppose to have them, so I know he doesn't have them xmas but I really don't know what his plans are for spending time for them now after I've been advised not to have his son in my home right now by CPS and his daughter is infested with lice again and probably won't be clear for the holidays, last time it took over a month to get her clear.

Anyways I'm rambling, I feel your pain and anxiety worrying that it won't be a peaceful holiday, here's to hoping you are pleasantly surprised! Or at least get a really great gift! Lol

Bloody well TELL him he has to pay his half of his utilities/bills and whatever financial obligations you jointly have because YOU arent going to bail him out. In fact demand the money upfront if the bills are in your name or you dont trust him just to say to you "ok we will default on x..." in anger and actually go through with it. Come up with a reason to have this money if necessary.

I learnt you have to protect yourself first and foremost when it comes to stuff you dont trust your DH to do.

I would also make plans to do things with friends and family over xmas, so you can escape and leave DH to it. If he complains, then tell him these are his kids, you are doing enough as is and need to have some speace/time for yourself over the holidays too - it isnt only about the skids you know. The holiday season is for every one!