Jealous of a Crib
So, the SD's are already jealous of the baby who is still in my womb. DH and I bought a crib and changing table off of eBay and Craigslist and painted the nursery a couple weeks ago. We also helped the girls fix up their room, bought them new bedding, ran cable to their tv, etc. Their reaction?
"Daddy, how come the baby gets a crib? We didn't get a crib!"
Um, they're 9 and 11 years old. They each have a full sized bed. I am sure when they were babies they had a crib. But that is besides the point. They are seriously jealous that we bought the baby a secondhand crib off of Craigslist. They are also jealous that I elected to buy a $10 can of paint from Walmart and paint the baby's room, which was previously a puke green color and have been telling DH that now they want to paint their room. Which would be fine except we are renting this house. I painted the baby's room from puke green to a soft gray. They want to paint their room from beige to neon blue. We have lived in this house for 8 months and this is the first they have mentioned painting. I am all about making sure they are comfortable for the every other weekend that they are here. This is why they have an entire floor of the house to themselves, their big beds and new bedding. But I feel like they just want to paint the room because they are jealous of the baby who is still in utero.
When they say that I framed my baby's sonogram picture, they asked DH how come he doesn't have their sonogram pictures. They seem to think everything that the baby has that they don't is somehow their father's fault and that he is to blame. I want so badly for him to explain to them that they and the baby have different mommy's! It's like I can't do anything for my baby without getting some sort of guilt trip from them. This is my first baby and I feel so resentful, like they are taking away from the joy that I am supposed to be feeling. I know they are young and have to come to terms that their dad is having another kid, but I just hate that I can't even buy a crib without them needing to be at the center of attention. End rant.
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"OK, I will buy you both new
"OK, I will buy you both new cribs but your beds get sold. If you want to sleep in a crib go ahead. But then the TV goes as well. Babies don't watch TV."
Painting the room? How about some of those wall ahdesive stickers instead? And a new lamp and cushons for their beds? Or tell them they can either paint their room or spend the money going to the movies.
"Oh honey, ask your mother for your sonogram picture. I don't have them because I aren't your mother."
I just think they are adjusting to the idea of another baby around who will get to be with their father every day, whereas they don't. I can see how that may make them jealous.
The whole thing is that DH
The whole thing is that DH and I both just spent so much money getting their rooms all nice BEFORE we did anything to the baby's room. We bought them all new furniture, bedding, pillows, everything. I really feel like they are complaining for the sake of complaining. I understand that they are jealous, I really do get it. I am just resentful of the situation as a whole because I do not get to just enjoy my first baby. I'm sorry that their mother is a money-grubbing loser who refuses to use any of her CS on her children, has her children sleeping on mattresses on the floor, and dresses them in rags, but is that really my fault??
Don't allow them to stop you
Don't allow them to stop you from enjoying it. Remember - they can act however they want, it's how you chose to handle it - emotionally. I am a SM and not fortunate enough to be BM yet. I can just imagine how you are feeling. They are raining on your parade. Put up your umbrella, friend and keep doing your thing. It sounds like you and DH attempted to manage the jealously really well by re-decorating their rooms first. But they are kids and kids don't always see the message we are sending. I agree with other posters - definitely have DH chat with them. Also - have you thought about asking them to help do something for the baby? That way they feel included? Maybe ask them to design something you can frame and put in the baby's room?
The Crib Bedding Your little
The Crib Bedding
Your little one will have fun counting these adorable monkeys. The 4 Lil' Monkeys collection features an arrangemnet of extured fabrics including corduroy, knit, and faux suede and prints in vibrant primary colors.
That is awful. I am so
That is awful. I am so sorry. You should be able to enjoy it. Has your SO spoken to them at all about a baby needing a different level of attention and different items to live day to day? What are they going to do when you and your SO have to do special store runs for diapers? Are they going to be jealous of that too? I really think that your SO needs to speak with them it will only get worse, and they shouldn’t take your joy away.
I think your dh needs to sit
I think your dh needs to sit them down and explain to them that when they were babies they had the same stuff and when you are a baby that is what happens! if they want to be treated like a baby then he can do that too. Sometimes you just have to sit them down and have a GOOD talk with them and I bet it will stop. But your dh has to do it. Explain to them that when they were babies they too had a crib and other things that sm is doing for baby. And now that they are big kids they have big kid things and it is all new so they shouldn;t be jealous of anything.
Oh goodness gracious! Buckle
Oh goodness gracious! Buckle yourself in now.. and enjoy every second of this pregnancy and your new baby. I had my 1st this year, and my SD4 ruined my coming home, and often tries to be apart of every second I have to spend with my son when shes is here.
I cant imagine having 2 SDs when I brought home my son. You will need to remind them that you are his/her Mommy and that you take care of and tell him/her what to do. SO will also need to assist with this special time. Dont allow the thought of 'hes already done this' to ruin it for you.
My SD (3 at the time) and fully potty trained pee'd herself many times that visit. They regress, expect that for sure. Hopefully you wont deal with the peeing at that age! Good luck enjoy that baby!
DH is great at acting like
DH is great at acting like this is his first baby when him and I are together. He has been going to all my OB appts with me and now that we know we are having his first baby boy he is ecstatic.
I think I will definitely tell him that he needs to sit down with them and explain to them that when they were babies they each got baby things and now it's this baby's turn. If SD9 starts peeing her pants though, I may have to call it quits LOL!
That is really important. My
That is really important. My DH acted like "been there, done that" and it was incredibly painful. Just because we're the second wife doesn't mean we rate being treated like second best. Wish my DH had been like yours.
Good to hear! My FDH was
Good to hear! My FDH was mildly supportive. He had told me in the past that he went to EVERY appointment with BM when she was preggo with SD. He went to 2-3 with me?
I needed him to be excited about walking around babies r us and talking about crib styles and it just wasnt there. Thankfully his sister (who already had 3) was able to be that person who kept up the excitement about it.
We too had a boy, so that was something that made it even more exciting for FDH. We both wanted a boy, I can imagine it being much different had we had a girl.
When we were first talking
When we were first talking about having a baby I made it very clear that I didn't want him comparing my pregnancy to BM in any way. I guess he remembered.
Also, it helps that this baby was very much planned. With BM he knocked her up in college and then went down to the courthouse because "it was the right thing to do." With the second baby he figured he was already trapped so whatever. So he never went to the doctor or any of the ultrasounds with BM for either baby and was only there for one of their births. He also said he never put together a nursery before so all this helps because these are firsts he really is sharing with me.
Had he married BM b/c he was SOOOO in love with her and they had planned all these babies, I might feel different, but that's not the case.
First of all, congratulations
First of all, congratulations to you! No kids yet for me, but it's something I hope to look forward to in the nest few years. Here's hoping that your DH can get those girls excited about being big sisters instead of harping on all the things they feel they are "missing".
Here's my thought - if the girls are really pushing the painting thing, why not try the ol' fabric and starch wallpaper trick? I've used it before in rental properties, it's easy to do, stays up well, doesn't smell like paint, and doesn't cost too much if you look carefully for the fabric. When it's time to move out you can just rip it off the wall and it doesn't leave a trace. Other plus side is it protects the wall from kiddie damage - good when you're asking for your security deposit back!
Not that I'm a believer in catering to this kind of jealousy, but if it would make your life easier it might be worth considering!
I've never heard of this
I've never heard of this before! I'll have to look it up on Pinterest. I'm not into rewarding inappropriate behavior either but I'm a sucker for DIY.
There are plenty how how-tos
There are plenty how how-tos out there on it. Might be a good way to add some funky trim to the new baby's room!
SDs: "Why can't WE have a
SDs: "Why can't WE have a crib??!!"
DH: "Seriously? You girls need to grow up and act your age. . .now scat and I don't want to hear another silly word about this; aren't you ASHAMED being jealous of a BABY??!!"
SDs: "Why can't we paint our rooms neon blue?"
DH: "Your SM got permission from the landlord and neon blue is one of the paint colours that he/she will NOT allow; now stop being silly and enjoy the nice pillows and cable TV that we put in for you; not another word or we'll take away the TV in your rooms."
Silly Auteur. That would mean
Silly Auteur. That would mean Daddy would have to tell the little princesses (gasp) NO! Seriously, though, that is the most common sense thing for him to tell them. I told him if he does give in to their demands that he alone will be responsible for painting it back to a more neutral color before we move out because I will be busy with my baby.
I think you will find this other quick story amusing. This weekend when I "forced" the girls to clean their rooms because DH wouldn't (I know, I am SO evil), DH told me when the baby is born I will love the baby so much that I won't want to make him to do chores. To which I replied, "My mother had me scrubbing toilets by age 8 every weekend. Are you implying she didn't love me because she made me do chores? Because I thought she was teaching me to be a part of a family and carry my weight. All this time, I didn't realize that if she loved me she would have just let me live in filth."
I would keep one eye on my
I would keep one eye on my baby at all times
I have decided not to have any kids with DH (currently I have a BS11 and SD11) His daughter is a little different. I'd hate to have to cut somebody.