BM (hogwort) is a good decade younger than I am - but I look a decade younger.

That is hysterical!

I think our BM was against me in the beginning because she literally is old enough to be my mother! She's 20 years older than me! The funny thing is that DH is only 5 years younger than BM, but he looks closer in age to me while BM looks similar in age to DH's parents!

It is funny lately I have been showing my friends pictures of BM (we live 600 miles apart) and I am finding out that they all think she is in her 50's and about 8 - 10 years older than me and in reality she is only 1 month older than me - I had no idea that all of my friends thought she was so old!!!

Hilarious!!!! I never had this experience, but the BM that was in my life looked like she was 55 when she was 30 and I still have people think i'm in High School! She was horrible to me and my evil side delighted in rubbing it in that she looked so old and ugly }:) We got in some nasty, petty fights (that i'm not proud of...) and I vividly remembering her telling me that when I got to her age, I would look worse than she did (she was 6 years older than me) and blamed her weight problem on having her two kids... It was very satisfying to be in fantastic shape when I hit 30 and have her see that I did not, in fact, go horrifically downhill like she did. Even when she was 18, she was dumpy and ugly and it just got worse due to her eating disgusting junk food and sweets constantly and never exercising. I have always eaten very well, don't eat sugar and do a variety of exercises every day. I haven't had biological children, but my sisters have and many of my friends have and they all got back their pre-baby bodies because they freaking exercised and didn't pig out on junk all the time! My friends who struggle with weight problems, do so because they don't exercise, take care of themselves well enough or eat right, but they take responsibility for it and don't blame the weight on everything but the actual problem! It was like BM was angry at ME because she couldn't control herself, ate horribly and sat on her butt all day! It's been a lifelong habit for me to stay healthy, but I do have to make an effort! I dance, rock climb, do yoga, mountain bike, use my Wii Fit, go running, walk as much as possible, take stairs instead of elevators, rarely drink alcohol, drink tons of water and eat three or more servings of steamed green veggies every day, don't eat wheat or processed grains and avoid sugar unless it's in fruit! That takes a lot of effort! BM was so angry with me because I was (and am) in really good shape, but nothing was stopping her from doing the same things! I work my ass off, literally, and get results...while she is baking double recipes of Betty Crocker brownies on a daily basis...she told me that if I had had two kids I would be fat and dumpy too, but I beg to differ! My best friend has two kids, the same ages as BM's and she danced/took yoga throughout her pregnancies, ate really well and looks fantastic. I found BMs excuses hilarious and pathetic...on top of everything, she had/has long stringy hair that always looks dull and greasy, loads of smeared and blurry tattoos (enmeshed with stretch marks), an overly gummy smile, boggly eyes, un-tweezed caterpillar eyebrows and a dark brown mustache!! (she's a dishwater blonde too!) She wore/wears extremely unflattering clothes and always looks disheveled and walks with her shoulders slumped and never stands up straight. What did she think people would think of her appearance? Looking well-groomed, self-respecting, healthy and stylish all take effort and no matter how poor you are, you can always be clean and nice looking (exercise is free too!). People that don't take care of themselves are announcing to the world that they have low/no self-esteem and they won't attract healthy partners into their lives (like attracts like!).

It's important to not be superficial and value the person, not the appearance, but at the same time, humans are social animals and we broadcast what we think of ourselves by how we take care of ourselves. I have hippie chick/hipster friends who rock dreads, don't shave their armpits/legs and wear clothes that I personally never would, but they look great because they are confident in their own skin, have their own style and grooming and are confident and comfortable with themselves. You don't have to be rail thin (healthy curves are beautiful in my opinion) and all body types are beautiful...but whether you are anorexic or overweight, if you aren't taking care of yourself and obviously don't make an effort in the grooming department, yeah, you aren't going to look good and people will take the cue from you about what you think of yourself and how you want to be treated! Maybe the BM in my life should have channelled her anger at me and exH by getting fit and healthy, taking up an exercise regimen and being healthy so her kids didn't look like they were adopted by their grandma! (not that there is anything wrong with being a grandma! I just wouldn't want to look like one when I'm still in my early thirties!).

After my exH left her, she just went even more downhill and dated a series of gross bar flies/drug dealers...the only men that would have anything to do with her. In retrospect, I actually feel sorry for her, but only to a certain point. After my divorce, I definitely went through a rough period where I was too upset to stick to my usual health regimen, but I didn't blame anyone else and eventually I pulled myself out of my depression and got back on the horse. Desperate to get married, BM eventually married a guy from a Third World country, who barely speaks English and obviously just wanted US citizenship...Obviously there's nothing at all wrong with marrying someone from another country, culture, ethnic background or socioeconomic background, but there is something wrong with being so desperate to snag a man that you take anything you can get when it's clearly not a genuine love (for either party involved). She would literally sleep with ANY man that showed the slightest interest in her and it was so sad and desperate that it just made her more unattractive to normal men with healthy self-esteem and standards. (When she was 31, she dated a 73 year old man that was, uh, extremely unattractive both as a person and physically...she just wanted to be with anybody and literally had NO standards at all. To make it worse, HE dumped her after a couple of weeks!!) Suffice it to say, due to her lifestyle and desperation, she aged extremely badly and always had such a "poor me," sour facial expression that the lines on her face formed so that she always looked angry and bitter no matter what...just a sad, sad woman all around. If she hadn't been such a nasty, awful person and a horrible mother, I would have had more compassion for her.

I am fully aware that no matter how much I take care of myself, I will age and lose my youthful prettiness and age, but I do my best to work on myself as a person, invest in friendships and family, stay as healthy as possible and practice humor, gratitude and kindness and I hope that that will help me age gracefully and have something of substance to base my confidence and self-esteem on. I get self-esteem from being a loving girlfriend to my amazing fiance, an involved and caring auntie to my nieces and nephew, being a good friend, sister and daughter and continually seeking educational opportunities. I also know how to have fun and laugh a lot and have tons of fulfilling hobbies. I am fit and pretty now, but other than enjoying my looks and having fun expressing my personality through my own fashion choices, I pretty much ignore that aspect of myself and do my best to focus on my inner qualities that I need to improve. I'm very, very aware of my flaws and am always working on them, but I am a decent person, care a lot about people and just do my best every day. I am blessed with a loving fiance who is my best friend, a fantastic, loving and supportive family and hilarious, kind and loyal friends. I can't ask for more!

As messed up as BM is, if she worked on her inner qualities as well as basic grooming and healthy lifestyle choices, she would have all the same things in her life that I do! If she liked and respected herself, accepted her flaws while working to improve herself as a person, she might actually gain some self-esteem and attract positive, healthy and loving people into her life. It's all her choice!

Instead, she's extremely angry, bitter and has a victim mentality and blames her train wreck of a life on everyone but herself. Her basic genetic package is unfortunate, but if she was a nice person and took care of herself she could be attractive to a decent man. The weight, grooming and the way she carries herself are all within her control, she just chooses not to take care of them...

This seems to be a really common theme among the BMs of the SMs on this site...is it any wonder so many of them got dumped? And why they are so petty, bitter and pathetic? It's all a choice!!!