SD16 has almost everything handed to her and still expects everyone to drop everything.
So, SD16 texts me this morning shortly after I get to work.
SD: Are you working?
Me: Yes.
SD: Until When? My windshield wipers need to be changed and Step Daddy (not his real name) has new ones for my car and I couldn't see anything when I was driving and I don't want to drive home like that so I was going to drop if off at moms for the weekend after school but I get out at 11 and I wondered if you could pick me up.
I did not pick her up.
Seriously? I wish that DH would explain to her that her car is her responsibility and that she needs to be sure to have those things fixed and/or replaced way before it gets to this point. But DH, being the nice person that he is won't say anything to her. He will either fix it or just take care of it not trying to explain or teach her along the way.
For one, I can't understand why she drove all the way to school (20 min. away) if she couldn't see out her windshield.
For two, apparently she has needed new wiper blades for a while to have a new pair at her mommy's house.
For three, It must be nice to just drop your car (that was given to you) off somewhere and expect someone else to deal with it.
No, I am not leaving work to pick you up because you have decided to wait until the absolute possible minute to replace your wiper blades.
This is minimal compared to what I have been struggling with lately. And I am so tired of feeling so hateful and resentful towards SD16. I am so tired of not saying anything because inside, it is just tearing me up. I need to find a way to summon the strength to stay disengaged and make it work because I can't continue doing what I am doing.
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Oh yes, I have totally faced
Oh yes, I have totally faced this. But SD18 is worse (in my opinion) because she does things like:
Drive to our city from college (1.5 hours away) to see friends. Don't arrange to see daddy at all because you're too busy partying and shopping, even though you only see him maybe 4-6 times a year. But what does she do when the battery on her car dies at 8 pm on Sunday? Call daddy up and ask him to come give her a jump. And what does he do? Run right out to see if we have any jumper cables (we don't), then check with the neighbors to see if they do (they don't). Then decide to run out anyway to rescue SD18, only to have her text back and tell him never mind, it's taking him too long, she found someone else to take care of it.
I am going through the same
I am going through the same thing. Luckily DH tells me to say what is on my mind (perhaps a bit nicer than I would say it in my head). I had this epiphany earlier this week, "I’m much more upset with myself that I failed to say what I wanted to say to SD16 and that I felt like I couldn’t because I didn’t want to cause conflict."
Screw that. I'm not worrying about causing conflict, she can get the hell over it. Everyone in the house needs to take responsibility for their own misery. Their misery is not my problem.
Good for you for not dropping everything and going to rescue her.
If SD16 doesn't like what I have to say that's too damn bad. She'll have to live with it.
Your epiphany is exactly the
Your epiphany is exactly the way that I feel most of the time.
Also, I like how she didn't
Also, I like how she didn't even ask you. She just expected you to go rescue her. Ugh!
She never asks for anything.
She never asks for anything. She more or less demands it or it comes out like a statement. It is appauling (sp?) to me that DH acts like he is whipped by his own daughter. And whenever I bring this to his attention, he gets mad at me as if I just tore him a new one.
We need counceling. That is for sure. And I am going to be sure to put that at the top of my list. SD16 almost tore our marriage apart last summer before I disengaged and laid it all out on the line for DH as to what to expect from me in regards to her. It got better, but recently, it just seems to be coming right back around now matter how hard I try to continue with my disengagement.
I have many more recent stories about her demands/expectations but I don't think that I have time or the emotional strength to share them all right now.
Not that I am happy to hear that others are or have been just as miserable as I have, as I wouldn't wish this upon anyone. But it really is nice to hear that there are others out there to relate to. Thanks!
No problem My main issue is
No problem
My main issue is that SD16 has to be the center of attention ALL THE TIME. It's smothering and ignoring it doesn't change anything. It's starting to drive me insane .. so much so that I can' stand to be in the same room with her.