I asked for a mothers ring when everyone first moved in, luckily it kept getting postponed. Originally I wanted a "family" ring with all of our birthstones. But Im glad he never followed up with it because now it would be another piece of jewlery I had to pack away.

Id say if you dont want your SS in it (which I totally understand, lol) then pass on it and get something else just not to cause more turmoil between you and DH.

Luckily for me, my BD (well really my sister) had a necklace made for me for my first Mothers Day with BDs picture on it. I have worn it every single day since that Mothers Day up to today and my DH never said anything to me about it because it was already a habit long before they ever exsisted in my life. SD daughter always hated it but there was nothing she could say or do about it!

I agree with you...Tell if it's important to him he should get a Mother's ring for himself and put SS birthstone in it...

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!

You just never know what the future holds. And im not just talking divorce. What if, heaven forbid, dh passes away? If you dont have a relationship now with ss you more than likely wont have one in the future, then you have a stone on a ring that holds no meaning. KWIM?
Then there is the "passing it down" factor. If you have a daughter and that is her Step brother (not half) it probably wont have as much sentimental value for her. Looking at that ring saying "yea thats my mom's mother's ring. Oh that stone? That is my stepbrother's birth stone. We dont even see him anymore. She didnt even want that stone in there. I would wear it if it was just me and my siblings, but im not gonna wear it cuz of that stone."
Maybe it wont happen, but it could.
If dh has such a problem then buy your own ring. Or maybe your kids will buy you one someday when they are older.

But please dont put ss on there.

I know I wouldn't want SS stone in mine! Don't do it if you don't want to. I wish I knew what you could tell DH so that you wouldn't have any problems or hurt feelings between the both if you, but I don't. If I think of something, I will let you know.

I agree wih you I have two mothers rings that my DH bought for me, he never once asked if I wanted one with Ss's, I guess I'm pretty lucky in that regard as I probably would have felt the same as you though I am lucky that I am actually close to one of my SS's.

SD already has a mother. I don't understand why DH wants to make this an issue

I have ass mother's necklace. I've had it for about 7 years. It does include ss's birthstone. It was purchased back when things were much better. We were custodial and I was ss's primary caregiver. I had no issues at the time with having it included, it was not even a decision. We were a family. I havent worn the darn thing in years now-ss and I have had essentially NO relationship for probably 5 years.

WOW!!!! Just WOW...

anonymoussm: You can take this for what it is worth... i am sure you have read what everyone thinks...

I am a SM. I am not able to have my own children. My DH constantly states that HIS children are mine as well... (No, I do not believe that, I feel as though he is just trying to be inclusive), but... If he were to buy my something like a Mothers RING, then I would have no choice because I do not have BK... BUT... Would I wear it? Only if the kids were around. Because my Skids do view me as mom... but BM has caused such an issue about them calling me mom, they are now terrified to do so...

They are not my children, I did not give birth to any of them, YES I have been more of a mother to them then their Own BM, Yes, I have more of a maternal instinct then she ever will have... But I'll be damned if I show off a ring that does not represent ME AND MY LIFE!

No, There would be no hesitation on whether or not that child's stone goes on a mothers ring. Sounds more like BD is trying to be to much kiss ass then thinking about reality. If you want a M.R. go get one your self. Do not allow anyone to make you feel bad YOUR CHILDREN are being represented.

Don't get me wrong, I love my SKIDS with everything I am... But BM has brainwashed them so terribly... They have to have a counselor prove to them that BD AND I are not what BM makes us out to be...

Your Ring, Your CHOICE... do not get bullied into something that is not meaningful.

My mom has a Grandma necklace. Until last year it had just 2 stones (my BDs). Then at my wedding in June she surprised me (and the rest of us) with having my SS's stone added.

She didn't consult me on this by any stretch - as I would have told her NOT to include it. He is only with us until he is 18 or graduates. Then my DH says he's OUT. (He is a complete and total pain in our collective asses, and my DH is the hardliner on the kid - kinda refreshing eh?) In fact I'm already in count down mode, and have plans for how I am going to re-decorate the bedroom he is using...heartless bitch- Party of 1! I would NEVER get something with a lasting value with the SS's name or such. I hate that he is in so many of my wedding photos! (my truly fave candid of us, has him in prominently in the background...sigh...)

I say if you have no relationship with the boy, then don't put his stone in any jewelry. If your DH can't understand why you wouldn't want it then wait until you can buy the jewelry for yourself.

I love my SKs, but I would not include them in a MR. I'm not their mom.

Since I feel that way, I'd never request that type of gift from DF. It would hurt him to exclude his kids.

Would a 19 year old boy even notice or care?? I think your DH is making this more about HIS feelings than anyone elses...

The guilt trips are so pathetic and selfish. You do what YOU want, youre the one whos going to wearing it..not DH

DH bought me a ring about 10 years ago with his, mine, my DD, and my DS's stones, he asked if I wanted his daughter's, it was up to me, he really didn't care...I was the clueless idiot who thought this selfish bitch would change. The ring has 5 hearts with 5 heart shaped stones, very pretty. Now that I can't stand the bitch, it's been put away for years until I realized..stepbitch has the same birthstone as my dad who lives with us(in an in-law apt)So I have started wearing it again as a "Family" ring.I guess I was lucky in that respect because I really do like the ring.

SO would NEVER ask me to do this, as I believe mothers rings are for those that have carried and birthed children, now of course there are some exceptions, like for those who adopt or even those that are in a child's life from a very early age with the BM not involved and accept that child solely as their own.

Why doesn't HIS mother get a mothers ring with his stone in it?

Now if it were a family ring that would be different, because then you would include everyone in the family, but this is a mothers ring and you are NOT his biological mother.

And yeah if the kid is 19, I'm sure the kid isn't going to have his feelings hurt if you did not include him on the ring.

ask him how he would feel if he was expected to pay cs on kids that you already had when you got together if you were to divorce. would that be fair? expecting his kid to be a part of your ring is no different, imo.

I have 1 BS & 2 SS's. I am not a huge fan of mother's rings, Dh ordered me one once and I made him cancel it because we had an escrow shortage and paying that was more important to me than a ring that my husband paid way too much for fake stones for. A couple years later I ended up getting a beautiful ruby ring which is BS's birthstone. BS knows that ring represents him, and my stepsons could care less. They are boys and I am not their mother. I love them, they love me, but I am not their mother, I didn't give birth to them and we don't have the undying bond that BS4 & I have.

Sometimes I think that our men make this way harder than it ever needs to be.

I'd say, "you want SSs stone on it, good that means I can now kick his ass for being a twit!" What is it with these men? Ask him if BM has a ring if he would expect your kid's birthstones on it as well ... lol

I have a blog similar to this and a pandora bracelet I got for Christmas. I know the bracelet is a little different because I can remove charms at will. But the simple fact of the COST involved... I'm not going to spend a lot of money on a charm that will make my hair stand on end when I look at it on my bracelet (my SK's will have absolutely NOTHING to do with me, refuse to speak to me, acknowledge me, and that's the way it's ALWAYS been), nor will I spend that kind of money on a charm just to appease the DH, but never wear it.

I also am not a fan of mother's rings and I will never request one because this very issue would come up. However I have a separate ring in each of my kids birthstone that I wear everyday. They represent the birth of my children - to me, no one else knows the significance and it's not all out there as a 'mother's' ring.

I say forget the mother's ring and find a diffent piece of jewelry that allows you to represent your own bio kids.

Presenting mother's day birthstone ring can be the finest way of expressing your gratitude and say thanks to your mom for loving you unconditionally.