SS7 cussed at his teacher... Time to re-engage.
Last night, DH told me we had to go to a parent teacher conference next Tuesday. We were both requested to attend. DH made it sound like SS7 was caught using bad words, when, in fact SS7 actually cussed at his teacher.
This week, SS7 had all bad days with notes from his teacher. DH did not punish him once but gave him a 'talking to.' Among the lists of offenses was: cussed at his teacher 3 times, numerous off task marks, being disrespectful and arguing with his teacher, he refused to stop tossing his pencil during reading circle after being asked numerous times, would not raise his hand and take turns, and had to be sent to the principal's office.
Not one consequence this week. Are you friggin' kidding me? And now I have to go to a parent teacher conference too?!
DH told me that SS7's punishment is not letting him go to his grandparent's house this weekend. Um, no. That's punishing me. The weekend is the only chance I get to relax and not worry about SS7's antics and now I have to be a prison guard because DH didn't discipline him to begin with. DH will be at school half of the day tomorrow and I'll be stuck. Plus, I had plans to take BD1 to the library to play and read stories. I guess that plan is shot.
I would normally tell DH to go to hell but our relationship is so rocky from all of this, I just agreed to keep peace. But, I think it's time to re-engage to get SS7's act under control. I just need to know how to re-engage without getting so caught up in between DH and SS7's drama. If that's possible.
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Comments
totally agree with Kay on
totally agree with Kay on this! If the child is not given consequence for their actions the behavior will continue. As for you having to play "prison guard" that's not fair to you nor is it fair for your SS. DH should most definitely get on the front lines of this behavior instead of expecting you to be frontrunner
DH and I talked this morning
DH and I talked this morning about how it's not fair I have to sit here and BD1 doesn't get to go to the library. I also pointed out that if he'd punished him this week, I wouldn't be in this position. But our only other options are to keep him here where we can try to get ahold of his behavior or let him go to his grandparents and let his behavior get worse. Being a prison guard is the lesser of two evils. DH offered to take SS7 over to his parents house while he was at school but that's just means he'll come back with an attitude - and I can't handle that either.
As a compromise, SS7 will do extra chores, extra homework and stay in his room while DH is gone for the few hours he's at school.
Ripley, I love your way of handling it. You're so warm and gentle. SS7's mother abandoned him long ago so she's never been contacted by a teacher or doctor. They call me because DH tells them it's ok. They know me because I attend all of his school functions, doctor appointments, daycare functions, etc. To them, I am his mom and they treat me as such. It's SS7 and DH that don't treat me like I am.
As a mother I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone that was totally disengaged to my children, wouldn't look at or talk to them, or just plain didn't want them around. As recommended disengaging comes from people on this site I just don't feel it's right for our family.