I am so sorry to hear that. Honestly, this is not unexpected given how much you have to put up with, and your SO should recognize this. But I know she does not, because my DH did not either.

It got to the point in our house where I could not address SD18 directly without her totally going off on me. Cursing, yelling, the whole nine yards. And every time that happened, DH would take her side. It got pretty bad. Luckily, she went to live with BM and my house was calm and peaceful again.

It's not uncommon for the two males in the house to have some sort of physical confrontation. My dad and brother did, and my dad put my brother's head into the wall. No, the police were not called. Nobody would have thought about it given they were biologically related and my brother was not seriously hurt and my dad was not wrong to attempt to restrain him (he was drinking, doing drugs, etc.).

I'm so sorry for you.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm glad you are taking a stand and getting the hell out! How is your daughter?

Stay strong. Promises are empty about 99% of the time. If they're not backed with hard evidence and a signed document, don't fall for them.

Good for you! I declare the year 2012 to be "The Year of the Exit for Unappreciated Stepparents"

I think all SP at some point fear that very thing happening. I'm sorry you had to go through that. We as Bio parents have to teach our kids to have respect. The Kids that are held accountable for their bad behavior are the ones that do not act like your skids just did. Accountabilities start when kids are small. From crawling really -because they crawl up to things and we say no no don't touch that. I hope SO can put herself in your shoes and understand what you've been going through. At the skids ages I have little hope that SO can make the changes you need. I feel for you. (((HUGS)))

So sorry to hear that this happened but you did the right thing 100%. Yes, it will be sad to see SO go, but YOU will be a much happier man without her demon seeds in YOUR house. Applause to you for standing up for yourself. Please know we are thinking of you and wishing you much luck.

sorry you are going through this.

but i think you did the right thing.

What everyone else said. Id be present when they move out as well, if there's any trouble you can call the cops if necessary. If not you then maybe someone you trust.

I am so very sorry that this happened. However, I must agree with the rest of the posters - you dodged a bullet. The engagement period should be the happiest time. Once the marriage took place I have a suspicion that things would have devolved even more rapidly with your then-wife making even less of an effort to control the skids behavior.

Please take this in the spirit of totally platonic friendship and support - I use my situation ONLY as an example. I am in my early 40's, a professional with advanced degrees and major earning potential, and as I have had no children, am frequently mistaken for early 30's. Although I deeply love my FH, I do not know how long I am going to be able to contend with the major baggage that comes with him. I can think of at least 3 other women in my situation right now and they are all every bit as much of a "catch" as I am. I say this to assure you that there are MANY interesting, beautiful and intelligent women who would be delighted to be with you. You will have NO problem finding a woman who will both love and respect you and be delighted to have a happy and properly raised step-daughter when you are ready. Don't sell yourself short - there ARE women who want a peaceful and loving home and are willing to work to make it so.

I wish you all the best. Your life will continue to improve and you will look back on this with a sigh of relief. Please take some R&R for yourself and your daughter and heal once the initial "storm" of their departure has passed.

{{{{Hugs}}}}
You're right, but it's still hard. Best of Luck to you.

Put his scrawny lippy butt in jail.

I think the message to your wife has to be "since you did not get your kid's under control you gave me no choice but to get it done. If we are to get back together then you have to step up and discipline them before I have to or you nor they will like how I do it. Fix it or stay gone."

I am StepDad to my SS-19 and have been since he was 1yo. We had our version of your lamp battle. He took a swing at me when he was about 15 when I stepped in when he got lippy with my wife. He instantly regretted that major mistake. I put him against the wall and pinned him there to get him under control, with his feet about 6 inches off of the ground adn my hands around his throat. I then spun him out the front door of our home in to a driving blizzard with only one shoe on and no coat. He got the message after freezing his ass off for about half an hour that if he wanted back in to MY home he would keep his head out of his ass.

His mom and I had the "if you don't like how I discipline then you had better step up and get it done before I have to" talk. Our marriage was never in jeopardy because we generally are in agreement in most areas of our lives. But, she did step up. Our son hated that with a passion. With me he gets consistent firm expectations, discipline and accountability for his actions and behavior. With his mom he gets cruela deville who keeps him on the hook for extended torture and fly off the hook screaming banshee crazy woman.

I would think very long and hard on letting her back in to your home or even your life. Even with older Skids who are within a few years of launching you will have a lifetime of their crap to deal with if their BioParents have not raised them to be viable adults and to have character.

Based on even the very brief recounting of their behavior during the dog piss and lamp episode it is crystal clear that your SO and her X are idiot parents who raised toxic entitled POS kids.

I would want no part of any of that including their mother. People of character do not raise POS children.

Move on.

IMHO of course.