Mother's Day Blues
OK I’m a little hurt! My SD6 is coming home every day this week with some new mother’s day project they did in school. She talks about giving them to her mother in late June when her BM comes to pick her up for summer break. BM lives half way across the country, never calls, never writes, or emails, sees the kids about 50 days a year, and I’m around the rest of the time doing things a mother should be doing with their kids. True this little girl is a spoiled brat who gets on my everlasting nerves, and it hurts she obviously doesn’t see me as enough of a mother to do those things for me. I know this sounds selfish, and I know she’s only 6, and loves that no good of a woman who gets the privilege of being her real mom. Am I wrong being over sensitive? I understand she's young, and loves her mother I guess I’m jealous, and wanted some appreciation some acknowledgment from her.
- audi_coupe.tt's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I know the feeling, audi. I
I know the feeling, audi. I say, look for the other ways she appreciates you. My husband points this out to me because I get down in the dumps when I feel I am not being appreciated. He will rattle off 5 things the girls did as signs of affection, or good deeds and I didn't even notice it because I wasn't getting what I wanted. Makes me feel bad but it also makes me realize that yes, they will love their mothers differently than us. But, doesn't mean they don't love us AND see our value. Take comfort. I am sure that little 6 year old is so pleased she can even share what she intends to do with someone she trusts - YOU. She has no fear that you won't love her if she talks about or shows love towards her mother. Wish it worked the other way around sometimes! LOL! Those crazy BM's. That's why we were invented.
^^ This is so true! I was
Aww thank you! Happy early
Aww thank you! Happy early Mother's Day to you too!!! And very true about the projects at school.
This is so true. My niece
This is so true. My niece lost her dad when she was 2 (she is 7 now) and she always feels lost when they start doing crafts for dads. She now makes them for her poppy (my dad).
I also think that kids tend to try harder for a parent they think they have impress. When a child's parent isn't emotionally available to the child, the child often thinks if they do something different or better they can change the parent. They want that affection from that parent and they make things, do things and sometimes buy things to try to gain that other parent's affection. The parent that is doing all the work shows that child everyday that they're loved and the child is safe and secure (and relieved) in that relationship and don't feel it is necessary to try so hard. SD tries way harder in her relationship with her mother and it sometimes hurts my dh, but more often he realizes that the kid is trying hard there because something is missing.
I am 42 and I still do this with my parents. My dad is the best. He's supportive. He's compassionate. He's always been there for me. My mom is...a narcissist. She's selfish and rude and is always right. I work much, much harder on that relationship because even though I recognize she is crazy and my dad is the one who made me who I am, she is still my mother and I want that acceptance. I'll never get it. I know that, too. So rest assured that even when a child KNOWS what is happening, they often can't let go of the dream of what that relationship should be.
SO well put.
SO well put.
Your comment's actually made
Your comment's actually made me tear up! It really mean's alot to hear your true comment's! Your right she and I do a lot of mother daughter things. I paint her nails, and do her hair just to name a few. Those things mean more to the both of us than some silly craft she made for a woman who isn't really in her life.
I think ppl get hung up on
I think ppl get hung up on titles too much. Yeh, her mom is the one who had her but to me... that is just a title. When you get old enough you realize who it was that kissed your booboos and made your soup for you.
I think it's sad that this little girl has the idea that her mom is so great. She prolly thinks that if she gives her mom all these things, she'll love her more. Or that she'll act like a mom like you do.
I know it hurts but at the same time, I don't think it's personal to you, just a mindset that this little girl has or a fantasy that she wishes was true.
Thank goodness for mommies like you who love little girls and boys regardless of whether they came from their own wombs or not!! It's easy to say you love someone but the everyday mundane actions of laundry, dinner, homework, bath time and just shaping a person is real mommyhood. Not just popping out a kid.
GREAT POINT! I think about
GREAT POINT! I think about that all the time. When she looks back at her child hood I'll be the one she really remembers as the real motherly figure in her life, and that means so much to me! I try to be there in every way and treat her like a real daughter because she needs a good woman figure in her life. Thanks so much for you kind words.
I totally agree. My SD12 used
I totally agree.
My SD12 used to have the same projects in school when she was younger. She always thought about BM and never about me, SM. It did hurt becasue I put more time and effort and love in to helping her with school projects, being a better person, and teaching her responsibility. And still do, and it still hurts each year now that they dont do projects in school at her age my husband buys her a card to give to her BM, thankfully he has helped push the issue and has her get me a card, but you can tell her attitude is why do I have to give you a card, your not my "real mom". It hurts but hopefully when they are older they will look back and realize who the "real mom" has been over the years!