I'm not even sure where to start for this...

I guess I'll start with what just happened. DH got a voicemail on his cell from BM. (He blocked BM cell # about a year ago, BM and got a house phone also about a year ago. She called from her house for the first time since he blocked her cell) We have a house phone for her to call and DH's email goes to his phone so she can still contact him.

Hey Ex it's BM .... umm give me a call back when you can.umm idk I need you to take her. I need you to take her like yesterday. Can you call me back and let me know when you can have her I'm kinda done with this. Thanks. click

Now for the back story. We all(BM, DH, DH's family, Me, My family) lived in the same place in the same state. After the divorce, BM moved back home to her family in BFE in a different state, 8 hours away. DH ended up getting a job in BM's(short straw) but still 6 hours from where BM lives. DH works in law enforcement at a federal level a has a very sporadic schedule at best.

Oh SD is 4.5 years old. Prior to last year (DH and I have BS9months the end of summer last year) we had SD4.5 every 2 months for 2 weeks, give or take. We've had her for 3-4 weeks sometimes. Every time she was here, after she turned 3, was pure hell. She wouldn't listen, wouldn't eat, destroyed things, was mean to my dogs, mean to me(by "mean" I mean HIT) wouldn't do anything, not even play. She would just stare at us or throw tantrums. I didn't want her near my preterm BS. Too bad for me. She has been here twice since BS was born. I know that doesn't seem like much but DH has travels often for work. Months at a time for training. He has also gone through cancer treatment recently. Finished up 2 weeks ago.

The last 2 times SD was here, everyone hated it, including SD. It was just awful. DH hasn't been very excited about having her come back. He has been trying to get his schedule figured out to have her this month or next since he is done with treatment.

Now the real problem. DH and I(when BM called me) have talked to her about discipline and boundaries and how SD desperately needs them. BM won't do anything and then come running to us because she can't handle the disaster she created. BM has her whole entire family to help her and SD goes to daycare M-F all day long. Last I knew BM lost her full-time job and is now a part-time consultant(think avon.) How in the 3 hours a weekday and the weekend-not really the weekend because every time DH calls SD is not with BM) can she not handle her.

When SD is here I have to deal with her all freaking day long. She is not my kid and I end up spending more time with her that BM and DH. We don't have any family or any type of support system here. It's impossible to find daycare for such sporadic visits. I've tried. She was going to our friends house a couple days a week to play with her kids but SD is no longer welcome because of various behavioral problems.

BM can't deal with her mess so now I have to.

This all makes me so mad at DH for marrying and procreating with such a moron.