"your kids count too"
What if your SO wants to hear you say those words --- and what if you can't say them?
I am NOT in love with my skids and yet SO seems to like my kids a lot. He really does, and so he thinks I should like his. And SO really feels that my kids count, and yet when he asked me to say those words (back) to him, "your kids count too", I simply could not say it.
Why is it easier for a man to accept skids then for smoms to accept skids? It seems that way to me anyhow. SO takes my boys places and does guy things and buys all sorts of yummy guy food and laughs and talks it up one sport and down the other with them, yet I am lucky to barely be able to be in the same room as his kids.
Ss18 is now moved out but still ss15 lives here and though he is a very polite kid and never gives my any trouble at all, hardly, I almost run and hide when he enters the room. It's almost a fright and flight thing - literally. He's like a big teddy bear, but I still am so uncomfortable around this kid. My boys have had dozens of friends over and even ss15 has his friends over, non of those boys bother me ever, yet my 2 skids just don't draw the fuzzy fluffy soft warm feelings out in me.
Any ideas on how I can change this b/c I truly want to be a nicer person for ss15 to hang with.
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Comments
I've heard a lot of sm's say
I've heard a lot of sm's say this about their skids.There are so many theories floating around about why this happens but none of them seem to fit.
My opinion on why it seems easier for men to accept skids: It seems to me that when a man has a skid, he just has to put up with the skids father on an every other weekend/extracurricular activity attendence basis. Some dads are highly involved with their kids even when they don't live with them but for the most part the stepfather has room to bond with the kid and accept the kid as part of the mom instead of viewing the kid as part of the dad.
Men seem to be more straightforward with their drama than women (there ARE exceptions obviously.)A BM will drag out drama and manipulation for years with no care as to what it's doing to her child or to the stepfamily.A dad will usually just back off and move on while trying to be a good dad to their kid.Out of all the dads and stepdad's I've spoken to over the years it seems the only thing they care about is the stepfather being good to their kid.
I don't know why you feel the way you do about your skids but I have a feeling it might be tied into your feelings about their mom and not wanting to step on anyone's toes.It's almost as if you're afraid to bond with them and get close to them bc you don't want to rock the boat or send BM into a tailspin. You seem like you're stuck in the on guard mode.
I have to say I agree with
I have to say I agree with Indentitycrisis the most. I'm expected to cook, clean, do laundry, shop for clothes, etc for skids and my SO does none of that for my kids. He cooks the odd meal and maybe does the odd dish or whatever but nothing ongoing and daily. I even wake ss15 in the mornings and often drive him to school if he wakes too late. I bought my son an alarm clock so he'd be more responsible to get up but didn't buy one for ss15 b/c SO said he still has one somewhere - BUT HE DOESN"T USE IT. I am temped to just not wake him from now on.
The BM is not involved in ss15's life at all. I do have abetter relationship with him b/c of her not being involved.
Anyhow, it's not really too concerning for me just thought it'd be something I'd like some feed back on. Thanks.