Advice please???? SS's birthday
Okay, here is the deal. BM is non-existent. DH is a man and thus, a card and dinner is sufficient for birthdays. Ever since I came along I have gone all out for his children's birthdays because all they used to get was to pick where he took them out to dinner and a present. No cake, no guests, no games, none of the stuff that makes a birthday complete for a child. I guess my feeling like I need to do this is from my childhood. My mom had four children and on our birthdays we were pretty much Kings and Queen for the day and she always threw us big, elaborate birthday parties (even though looking back we probably couldn't ever afford them). Well, when I assumed the role of missing BM, I set out to be exactly like a mom to them which I found out is not as easy as it sounds. But here is the issue at hand..... SS-9 is going to have a birthday in two weeks and for the past 6 months, he has been sure to make my life a living hell. And he kicked that into high gear the minute DH and I got married two months ago. I reminded SS that all of the fun things that he gets are because of me and that I do not have to do these things for him. As long as I provide him food and shelter in a clean home, I am doing my job. He didn't care, it didn't phase him, because I always get guilted into doing the fun extras for them that I do. So, I really do not want to do a birthday party for him. I want to let DH do the dinner and one present with no friends thing like he wants to do. Every birthday has been a fight between DH and I about the money he has to spend for big parties. Should I fight to provide something that is unnecessary and not required for a child who will not appreciate it anyway? What are your thoughts? Suck up my pride and do the party or don't do the party and let DH have the birthday reigns?
PS... if your reasoning for saying do the party is that it will make SS realize what I do for him, and maybe boost his behavior toward me.... yeah, that was last year's reasoning for doing the party and he never thanked me and shoved me out of his way when I was trying to help him feed his tickets into the ticket counter to get his Chucky Cheese prize. Then walking to the truck after the party he said, "Thank you.... Daddy!" and turned and glared at me. And then I got to sit and defend why I thought it was a good idea to spend as much money as we did when we got home and behind closed doors. :?
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No birthday party for
No birthday party for unthankful children! My skids get a cake (because I remember to order it) and presents and we make them their favorite dinner meal on their birthday. I wouldn't be doing anything for my skids if they behaved that way towards me and only thanked DH.
Sit back and relax and take the money you would have spent and get a pedicure and massage for yourself!!
DO NOT DO IT!!!! I know why
DO NOT DO IT!!!! I know why you would, but don't!!! Let his dad handle it. Don't lift a finger, don't even get him anything. Put your babe on the card if anything. That little shit didn't deserve you to go out of your way, and all he will do is act worse if you give in. Then he will see his behavior gets the same results no matter how he acts. DON'T DO IT!!!!!!
I would most certainly NOT do
I would most certainly NOT do the party.
I would do nothing. It isn't
I would do nothing. It isn't your responsibility and he doesn't appreciate it anyway. I got to this point this year too. I usually bake a chocolate cake from scratch. It is SD's favorite. This year, dh bought her a cake and since they didn't have chocolate (he waited until the last minute) she ended up with white cake. She wasn't pleased. Too bad. I warned her 2 weeks before her bday what would happen if she didn't change her attitude. She tested me. She found out I was no joke. Of course, she'll never accept her responsibility in my decision. In her mind I am an evil bitch for not letting her treat me like crap and continuing to do what she wants. Good thing for me, I don't really care what she thinks of me.
I should mention that she
I should mention that she thought she'd get the cake because her bday and dh's bday fall within days of each other and of course I'd make him a cake. I did - when she was at her mother's.
Thank you all so much. You
Thank you all so much. You all said exactly how I feel but I wanted to make sure I am not being overly sensitive and unfair to a child. I feel like it is my responsibility to do things a mother should do since his crack whore mom doesn't and I know that because she doesn't and I do is the only reason he and sister treat me the way they do. I try to put myself in their shoes. I just seriously have had enough! And I am no longer willing to be the family's emotional punching bag because she had second thoughts about being a mom and a wife. All I am guilty of is trying to give them what they deserve from her and I don't expect much, I just expect not to be disrespected in return. I am not doing the party. He doesn't deserve it, and I don't owe it to him. All I owe him is a genuine, "Happy birthday, buddy!" and that is all he will get from me. I say 10 is a good age to start learning some hard lessons in life. And to start taking back what is left of my beaten and bruised heart.
Thank you, just to know that
Thank you, just to know that I am not alone helps so much. I talked to DH about it last night and he not only told me that he supports me fully in my decision, but was actually thinking about suggesting to me that I do not go out of my way for SS. That was a huge relief.