Lazy disrespectful SD
My SD came back into my husbands later fe after years of no contact. She is 20 years old, she had no where to live at the time ( convienient I think) after falling out with her mother. She has systematically turned my own D against me because I appear to be the only one that can see what she is doing. NOTHING!!!! she refuses to work, is useless around the house saying she has never been shown how to do housework!!!! She can cook but my god she can certainly put the food away and all she does is sit playing in her phone. I work 2 jobs just to pay the bills and she does nothing to help. Her father feels guilty for the way her mother has treated her and because I get angry and upset by it I’m the bad one. I can’t stand her and wish she had stayed away. She is acting like her fathers shadow, never leaving his side, but again I am in the wrong. I wish things could go back to how they were with her not being in our life. I will never like her or accept her and her leaching ways. Harsh maybe but until you live with someone you can’t know what it is like. HELP
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Next time she says she can't
Next time she says she can't do housework and therefore can't help, show her how to do housework. Show her where the cleaning supplies are and how they're used. (*You already know it's a BS excuse but if that's what she's claiming, take that excuse away by letting her shadow you while you clean).
At 20 years old, her mother may have failed her but by allowing her to lounge on the couch, not help with chores and not have a job, your DH is also failing her NOW. Doesn't he see that? Does he understand that this is more than likely one of the reasons that her mother won't deal with her anymore? Lazy is lazy, and your DH has to stop making excuses for her.
Who is paying for her phone if she has no job?
Tried but now she just
Tried but now she just refuses. She claims benefits but manages to afford to smoke, have a new phone get tattoos but anything to help around the house not a chance. My DH thinks I am always in the wrong and refuses to see anything from my side. I just can’t stand the child. He thinks because she is her a daughter I should instantly fall in love with her......, not a chance, I can see us splitting up over this after 14 years together. And it will all because she has come back on the scene and doesn’t want me being with her dad.
No freaking way I'd work 2
No freaking way I'd work 2 jobs to pay the bills to allow a lazy adult to not work. Got "benefits" go get some welfare housing for your lazy @ss.
Hmmm
So the complaint isn't about your stepdaughter but rather her fathers behaviour in allowing his daughter to stay in your home this way.
Tell DH that it is very sad he has a daughter who is so disabled she is unable to take care of herself because many mentally challenged adults live alone and take care of themselves including cleaning etc. And tell him she is an adult and she has 3 months to get a job and move out. Because his lazy parenting isn't about whether you like or dislike his daughter. It is about him expecting you to take care of a grown woman. Would he feel it was OK to put up with some random cousin coming to stay for an undetermined length of time and stay home all day and not contribute to your home?
Make a Plan B exit plan. Give up the 2nd job. I would only work the 2nd job if it was my daughter sponging off me. In fact I would give the 2nd job to her! Be calm and clear. Use a Mary Poppins voice. Firm but fair. "Honey, I know you love your daughter but she is an adult. If she cannot help out around the house while we are both working then one of us will go in 3 months. It is either her or me. I am only saying this once. Aug 31st is the last day one of us is living here. It isn't about hating anyone. It is about not allowing your daughter to be an adult and responsible for herself. That is so wrong I consider it almost child abuse. She will never be a child again, There isn't any catch-up left. That is my decision. There will not be any discussion."
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your comments I feel a lot better. The 2nd job money is now going into a separate account and I have already moved my incomings away from our joint accomy as I am the main wage earner, he just doesn’t seem to see that she is doing anything wrong and that I am always in the wrong for getting pissy at everyone. My daughter has always worked and never ever asked for any mo way from us, she grew up watching us work but this lazy witch has no interest in working unless it involves being her fathers shadow or eating me out of house and home, I hate to say it but I f&@king hate her and what she has done to my relationship with her father. He is her one true love and I now surplus to requirements. Her need come before me and us . I don’t know what to do as I love my H and just wish he could see things for my side of the fence
I'm sorry this has happened
I'm sorry this has happened to you, but she didn't do it. He did. He is choosing to put her wants above your needs. And expecting you to support most of it (given you are the main earner).
I wonder what he would think about paying 2/3 of the household expenses?
yes, the budget needs to be
yes, the budget needs to be redone in light of this new responsiblity. He nees to chip in more and get a 2nd or 3rd job to support her. There should be no dent in your money at all.
Does she fawn all over him and think he is most wonderful thing to happen to her? If that 's so then she is the other woman in his life. Affairs are built on men getting their egos stroked.
I suggest locking up certain
I suggest locking up certain cabinets and keeping a small locked fridge in your room so Ms Greedy doesn't eat it all.
Lay out employment ads/job fairs
Remind Hubby he's responsible for all her washing/cleaning up.'
And remind her and hubby MOST normal people at her age are living on their own or at least paying bills.
If she's claiming benefits-doesn't she need to prove how it's being spent
?