There were moments yesterday when I remembered past birthdays with TheX- the holidays we had, the lovely thoughtful presents and the parties. He played a good game of making me feel special but it couldn't be sustained. I also remembered XOSDs insistence on taking me out for a birthday lunch- venue of her choice, rubbish presents, and the biggest tantrum I have ever seen in public from a woman in her 40s with children of her own. TheX did and said nothing, whilst I tried to placate her. I should have learned from that experience on that day.

Last year I had a great party, but something in me knew it would be the last- I had already met you wonderful strangers who had never met me but somehow knew the disillusion and isolation I was feeling. I owe you so much you will never know.

Yesterday was crazy- my daughter and grandkids somehow squashed themselves into my home full of boxes- but we didn't sleep great. I started the day feeling tired and depressed- but slowly it unfolded. I met up with some of my siblings, and my great nieces and we enjoyed ice-creams in the sun and ran through fountains in the rain. It was a crazy day but I ended it knowing how truly loved and blessed I am.

Thank you for your words-you are wonderful people and very special lo me.