My choice is to go home pack a bag and go to a hotel. Get some rest and make some decisions about your future. This does not magically get better as they get older, or even graduating will not change this. This is only the beginning. 

I remember hating to go home. It was awful.

Sounds like you have responsibility and no authority, and the household isn't working.  If her father isn't home, she should be with her mother or another relative, not with her father's wife.

You can move out and still stay married to the guy. Others have done that. 

I sit here 2 hours after your post and don't want to go home either.  I just wanted you to know you are NOT alone and I care. The day my step monsters move out will be the happiest day of my life, if I make it that long before moving out first.

Your H seems to sweep your feelings under the rug and expects you to "get over it". He's not acknowleding how you feel which leads to bitterness & resentment. This will not magically go away, especially after she's 18. Book a hotel room tonight and do some soul searching. Figure out which of the options stated above you are willing to take and move on from there. The main goal is that you have to make a choice. You can't leave it up to your H or anyone else to live your life.

Make a decision, own it, and follow through.

I can relate. With my SD17, if or when she returns I feel DH will cave and let her return home. He's a lot of talk behind the scenes but once this whole "runaway" scenario spirals down I think it'll be a different story. I'm fully anticipating "She's my daughter. I can't turn my back on her." ...Then what will I do? Sorry you're dealing with this. Do you have a friend to take off with for a weekend? Girls trip? Sounds like you need to breathe a little bit.

But you don’t have to kiss her a$$ or sit in your room.  It your home and you are paying the bills, So you can do what you like. Say what you like,  If SD doesn’t listen, Tell her even through you are not her mother, thank goodness,  she is the child and has to listen to you to live in your house. Then disengage, don’t take her anywhere, don’t buy her anything ect,  do as much for her as the neighbor down the road, who also is not her mother 

It wouldn't have mattered if you had waited for skids to be out of high school or college. I waited and SD is still in the middle of my marriage from a distance of two hours away. So don't kick yourself for that. Who can predict these little cusses can wreak such havoc?

We have the same dynamic: she behaves badly, so I've disengaged. He sees her alone. I'm left at home so he can see her alone. We STILL fight about it.

I've been engaged; now I've been disengaged. We still fight about SD.

I'm convinced that unless you can break down these husbands to the point of hating their own kids, the alternative is SM sucking up all the crap. The only time you read a sort of triumphant post on this site is when the husband finally breaks down and admits the kid is a nightmare. Anything short of that is just the same old, same old.

Wish I were single too.

"H told me to make sure she was at school the next day so when her buddy showed up to get her I told her to leave I was taking her or she was riding with her brother. She screamed "You're not my mother and I don't have to do what you say!" "

Here's the problem.  Your husband is putting responsibility on you to make sure his daughter does the right thing, but you have absolutely no control over the daughter.  I understand that he was out of town, but what are the alternatives for the next time he's out of town?  Does she have to be at your house when her father isn't there?