Can't take much more
My husband and I have been friends for 14+ years and will have been married for two years in October. I have one son who is 5 and is going to kindergarten, I share custody with his Dad who has him on the weekends. My husband has 4 kids, but only has visitation with his twins that are 4. He has been battling his custody case for joint custody for over two years and it's still not resolved. In 2015 his BM has requested that he has his kids on my days off so that he isn't overwhelmed taking care of them and the judge awared his temporary days. In February of 2017, we bought a house and his BM decided she didn't want to drive to our house for drop off and stopped letting him see the kids. He didn't take any action until Fall of 2017 and got a lawyer, in February of 2018 she started dropping the kids off again. In August of this year they went back to court, her lawyer doesn't show up, but now the visitation schedule has changed again to my new days off. I don't understand why he doesn't get his kids on his days off and why I'm forced to spend my free time with them. Even though they are only 4, they are terrible. The girl lies and gets away with everything and the boy must have a learning disability that neither parent will discuss with his doctor. They don't listen and there are no consequences for their behavior. My husband expects me to parent them as if they were my own child. When he's "watching" them, they are destroying my house, tearing up my son's room and going through my stuff while he's on his phone not paying attention. Neither parent believes in accountability or consequences for their actions and just ignore it. It's to the point where I want to change my days off so I don't have to deal with them. When they are coming over, I wake up with a headache that gets worse as it comes closer to them being dropped off. My son is in school and I can't even enjoy those 6 hours of free time because of these monsters. I understand I married a man with kids, but come on. Step up as their Dad and parent them. I shouldn't have to get them dressed, feed all their meals, give them a bath and put them to bed.
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That is so bizzarre! You aren
That is so bizzarre! You aren't the one sharing custody, DH is. I thought our judge was off his rocker.... the one you deal with might be just as nuts!
Did your DH say that HE FELT overwhelmed? Or were those only BM's words? Why was there no objection to him being in court basically being told he isn't equipped to care for his children? I would throw that back on BM so fast her head would spin. He was good enough of a father to create a family with but now that she isn't in control of every waking moment, he isn't parenting material?? Doesn't work that way.
The judge is ridiculous. The
The judge is ridiculous. The BM said he's overwhelmed and is stressed around the kids. His lawyer brought up that they had kids together and he was left alone with the kids when they were dating so what's the difference now.
I wouldn’t be home on my days
I wouldn’t be home on my days off. I’d be at appointments, in hair salon, in the stores or if that’s not working I’d get a second job. Nope no nada, no watching stepkuds on my days off
He had the nerve to ask if we
He had the nerve to ask if we could split watching them so he could nap. I don't get to nap when my son is home, I'm responsible for him. I don't get how his kids are my responsibility.
Have you tried talking to
Have you tried talking to your DH? I might try to change my days off again.. and continue to do so until the judge gets tired of changing custody lol.
Thats terrible! You are
Thats terrible! You are getting physically ill thinking about them coming over. Your husband needs to step up and be a parent (however he choses, crappy or not) and be the person caring for them and at a minimum preventing them from destroying your home! Its nice to help him out, but that should be your choice. At 4 years old they are barely out of toddler-hood si its not their fault obviously, but frustrating none the less. The most important thing here is that YOUR SON NEEDS YOU. At your best and completely able to spend your time and attention to raise him. Any time you start feeling guilty or whatever, just repeat to yourself, MY SON NEEDS ME, MY SON NEEDS ME....you can't be expected to be the best mom you can be if you're dealing with anxiety headaches etc. You have to put yourself first, for your son, if nothing else....good luck! I wish you well...
WAIT!
Am I understanding correctly that their visitation time is NOT scheduled for DH’s days off? They are scheduled for your days off and he’s at work?
No freaking way! He needs to either go back to court or make child care arrangements that don’t include you. And yes, if you can, change your days off again.
You are understanding
You are understanding correctly, he used to have Monday and Tuesday for visitation and now the judge changed it to my days off so I can supervise. I don't feel the need to supervise a father and HIS kids. The BM even asks him if I'm home before dropping them off and if I'm out when will I be home. The only reason I don't change my days off is because I will miss out on time with my son. I don't want to sacrifice my time with him because I don't want to be around them.
It only gets worse, the BM
It only gets worse, the BM calls every weekend to FaceTime with them which causes them to cry and ask to come home. She doesn't care and the unnecessary stress she causes everyone. BM has had a boyfriend for about 3 years and let's the kids call him Dad so they don't even know which man is their Father. They call their Dad by his first name and think we are babysitters.
girl yes
I get anxiety dreams the night before the sks are scheduled to arrive, and they continue until they leave.