Need help asap
So sd13 came over last night random. She was texting some guy I look over her shoulder to see a picture of her butt in a thong in there messages.
I tell DH he takes the phone. At this point he goes threw everything.
Bm is letting SD skip school, sd is telling kids to go kill them self. Sd is talking to random guys she doesn’t know and dirty talk. A few convos pretty much tell us she is having sex.
In a convo between sd and bm. Bm tells sd to steal from us and SD tells her ok and tells her it’s done.
Now we hace the ohone ( we pay for it). What should we do at this point. DH told me he is sure this is the last time sd will come over. Because she is upset I told him she can’t get mad because we have rules sd is more out of control then I would of ever thought I knew it was bad but these are only part of what’s going on
Bm convo is talking major crap about me and DH. DH did have a dui along time ago. Bm has sent the mug shots to sd as a joke. Sd has locked her self in her room. DH is mad like beyond poised right now. What do I need to do? Should DH take phone to social services since sd has pics she is sending guys on it? Or should he just let it go? I get it privacy but at 13 if your sending dirty pics to dudes you don’t get that option any more.
If DH gives the phone to
social services or law enforcement, SD can be charged with possessing or sending child pornography, even if it is of herself. While I generally am in favor of kids facing the legal consequences of their actions, in this type of case that may do more harm than good. She could be forced to register as a sex offender for life.
DH should keep the phone. I am not familiar with your back story - so don't feel comfortable giving more advice.
Bm is awful. She is sd friend
Bm is awful. She is sd friend not mother. DH is mad now because he walks on egg shells around bm cause she can take his kid away. She is 13 and he thinks she gonna stop coming over. And bm wont make her.
I am upset for him he is at the point now he is thinking of giving phone back just to make her happy. What can he really do two weekends a month?
You are right,
there isn't much that can be done on two weekends a month. I don't think he should ever give her the phone back, unless her attitude changes. She will get another one, but at least he will know he is not faciliting her dangerous and possible illegal behavior.
He may be at the stage where he needs to "drop the rope" and let her go. He should contact her weekly or so just to say he loves her and the door is open, but make no effort to force her over to visit. Keep in touch so she doesn't feel like he has given up, but don't put any pressure on her.
My DH did this at the advice of a therapist when SD was about the same age. She was not as bad as yours and while BM was difficult, she wasn't this bad. However, she did a good job of alienating SD from DH.
The therapist said DH was doing more harm than good by forcing her to see him and by forcing her to therapy, when she had no desire to do either one. She would sit in therapy for the full hour and never talk! After a year or so, SD did come around. She and DH started talking and seeing each other once a month or so. She is an adult now and while they aren't close, they do stay in contact.
What can he do?
What can he do?
He can start by sitting her down and explaining the risks she is taking. She's not going to believe you about the guy being a danger but she should at least listen to the LEGAL aspect and how, should her photos fall into anyone else's hands she could be charged with detaining child porn. Make sure there's a back up of documentation. The legal aspect of telling others to kill themselves would be another thing to explain to her. Finally, ask her how she'd take care of a baby because that's on the horizon too.
Don't give her her phone back under any circumstances because that would just be enabling her. Then let the chips fall where they may...
Good luck.
It really shouldn't be the
It really shouldn't be the case that we can't turn to the police when a 13 yo is being groomed by older boys (men?) to send nekkid pictures of herself. But I completely agree, this situation is such that it could do more harm than good.
You need to get a good handle on this and what's on that phone and while I know BM is awful and sounds like completely out of control he is going to have to lay down the law with her. Because if this behaviour doesn't stop then there could be serious consequences including someone else finding those pictures and turning her in.
This is British advice: https://www.internetmatters.org/hub/question/steps-can-i-take-child-sent... but you may find some of the info helpful.
I would be more
I would be more focused on BM telling her to steal from you and her doing it. She is a child but BM is an adult and can be charged depending on what it was and how much it was worth. Consult your local police.
Can Dad look-up this 'dude'
Can Dad look-up this 'dude' vis social media et and figure out his age?
If he is 18 (legal adult) he could be charged with 'training' your SD. She is a minor. A stupid ignorant one. Do some homework and learn what you can on the guy. Dad has the phone, figuring out this 'dude' shouldn't be too difficult.
If this guy is eighteen, then you can have a better idea on what the next move on the situation might be.
I would cancel the phone and
I would cancel the phone and no longer fund a phone for SD. Then never speak of this incident again to SD. She will know why she doesnt have a phone that dad pays for. I would not go to BM about it at all. When SD goes home without a phone she will know why. If BM starts a fight, ignore her.