My husband and I have been married for a year and together for 3. He has two kids, 6 (son) and 9 (daughter), who we have 50% custody of. When I first met them they seemed like nice kids but very delayed in behavior and in school. I've done my best to try and teach them and catch them up with their peers. But as time has gone on, they seem to be regressing and their behavior has gotten ruder and more out of control, due to their mother and paternal grandmother (husband's mom). Neither see a problem with the fact that SS can barely feed himself, can't read, doesn't know how to clean himself, wets and sometimes poops the bed, has the verbal skills of a 3 or 4 year old and never actually speaks, only whines and cries. SD does ok in school, but has no social skills to speak of, she is always spying on us (hanging around outside our bedroom door after bedtime, faking bathroom trip and/or magically needing something from another room when she hears us talking, knocking on my bedroom door anytime I close the door, etc.), she gets upset if my husband buys me anything or shows me affection, she has serious anger issues (to the point where she is not allowed near my dogs, as she kicked one and said she was so angry she couldnt help it. Her brother isn't any better though, as I caught him holding down my 11 pound dog and poking her eyes), she beats up her brother when he doesnt do what she says, she has scared my nephews friends (ages 11-13ish) with her sexually agressive behavior (at 8 years old at the time!!!). Both grandmother and bio mom completly cater to the kids and treat them like babies and never see anything wrong with them.

My husband used to be strict with the kids and I could see him trying to help and teach them, but if I wasn't there to push him to do it, he gets lazy. Over the last few months, I've completly pulled back from the kids. The crying, whining, throwing fits and complaining constantly was detremental to my mental health and I've made it clear to my husband that I won't cook or clean up after them anymore. I won't go out with them because their behavior in public is just as atrocious as in private. I won't eat meals with them due to no table manners whatsoever (food everywhere, talking about gross things, mouths open, farting...)

My husband has been caring for them completly since I pulled away, but he doesnt discipline them or get on them to be clean, have manners, etc. He just does the basic minimum now: fed, homework mostly done, basic standards of cleanliness...

So that means when we have them during the week, I work overtime to get home when they're already in bed. And every other weekend I hide in my bedroom with my dogs. 

I know he needs to stand up to his own mother about her behavior with the kids, but their bio mom is a lost cause. They have no consistancy in their lives and they are getting messed up more and more because no one will parent them. And my husband has just seemed to give up all together. Our relationship has gotten so much better since I disengaged from the kids, but that came at the price of not interfering with his parenting at all, so the kids have gotten so much worse, too. And while I dont feel the stress of being responsible for them anymore, I still feel like a prisoner in my own home half the time and I am scared for my animals. And honestly, I am worried I will have reason to be afraid of the kids as they get older and bigger. They seem to not have real feelings, no compassion for anyone, no empathy, nothing. 

I am just counting down the days until they are much older and on their own (and i think my husband is too, even though they are his and he should be doing something more for them!!!). It's just so frustrating and I feel like I have no one to talk to about it.