I was trying very hard to be understanding of SD situation (see my prev blog) the past few days.  I tried ignoring her ignorant behavior and told myself that it isn't my responsibility.  After one million times of trying to correct poor behavior I decided to try and disengage and let DH step it up - or not.  And if he doesn't, she is not a reflection of my like my other 3 biokids are and there will be a definite differences of the genetics involved once they are grown.

I almost went against the disengaging last night after watching Stepbrat(6) 'play' with my and DH's DD(20 mo.) on the living room floor.  First, she would play with anything DD was going to play with so that she couldn't play with it. Mind you, she doesn't play WITH DD but only her toys so DD can't play with said toy.  All the while, DH says nothing and whenever he does, it is typically to tell DD to share....not the Stepbrat.  Then I caught she had something in her hand and when getting DD a stuffed animal out of her playpen, sneakily try to hide something under the blanket in the playpen (where DD can't get to it because she is playing on the floor).   The whole time, DH sitting 10 feet across room with me watching tv and notices nothing.  I caught it and asked her what she just put under the blanket.  I got her 'oh shit, i'm busted look' of deer in the headlights and she glanced to see if her dad was paying attention - which I don't think he was.  Then she slowly leans back in and pulls out the small baby from DD's my first dollhouse (the dollhouse and majority of DD's toys are in corner of living room where she spends most of her time playing, NOT in the playpen). I said 'why would you put that in there where she can't reach it?' No reply and did not to intend to reply unless DH takes notice. DH says nothing and Stepbrat strikes again.  She later was hiding a ball behind her on the couch that DD wanted.  She wasn't playing with it, just hiding it so DD couldn't have it.  I finally said to her that if she isn't going to play with it she needs to put it back on the floor.  I also asked her not to throw the ball up in the living room (they actually aren't to do this at all in the house with any balls).  After stating this, I added to please only roll it on the floor so nothing gets broke.  Few minutes later she barely does it again, testing the waters.  DH says nothing.  I say nothing.  Then does it again, higher and more out of control and DH finally tells her not to throw the ball up.  

IF this was one of my biokids, there would have been more warning and repercussions.  But no, Stepbrat is just a stepbrat and can continue doing her stepbrat behavior while everyone feels sorry for her shitty biohag mom's behavior. And I have to deal with DH not addressing it, like he should, which will again cause another argument in our home.  I don't care if stepbrat does bad things that affect herself but I am not going to let her influence my DD, ODS, ODD or myself in the process without me saying something.

The most frustrating part is that because of everything that Stepbrat is going through, her therapist suggests that we let these behaviors slide because she's dealing with 'much bigger problems.'  The problem I see with this is at what point then is it okay to address her shitty conniving behaviors that she learned from biohag and quit excusing them out of pity?

Suggestions from anyone on how they would've handled last night?