Christmas gift dilema...
My SS is 11 and he is the definition of the kid who has everything. BM gave him his first tablet when he was 7 or 8. He got his first phone when he turned 10(BM just got him a brand new one about a month or so ago). He's got an xbox too and he pretty much receives anything he asks for. He is still a great kid with a huge heart, and I know deep down he's grateful, but it's as if nothing surprises him anymore. There is no "magic" anymore in giving him gifts. Like I said, he gets almost everything he ever asks for so it's almost impossible to "wow" him. I know Christmas is not all about gifts, but DH and I are out of ideas on what to get him.
There is only two things he is really asking for. Giftcards and a laptop. DH and I both told him absolutely no for laptop...we told him maybe when he's a bit older. Well, not too long after that BM sends text to DH to tell him she bought laptop for SS as a Christmas gift this year. Again, I know it's not about the gifts, but we're feeling a little lost. BM seems to just keep shoving the latestest and greatest tech gifts down SS throat and it's like he's incapable of enjoying the smaller things...I joked with DH that I guess we get him a car because that's about the only left that he doesn't have!
We want to still be able to get him the little things, but we want him to enjoy it and not be dissapointed. My huband knows that gifts don't equal happiness, but we only have SS during summer and holiday breaks and DH is constantly worried about dissapointing his son...and it's hard to keep up with BM and the lavish lifestyle she gives to SS...it breaks my heart.
Hope this all makes sense...I just need advice, or maybe ideas for what to do 
How about going somewhere
How about going somewhere like an indoor waterpark or a nice trip somewhere that he will enjoy as a gift? It doesn't have to be a physical gift but one that he'll have fond memories of that will stay with him. Like hey I remember one Christmas dad and SM took me to a indoor water park or a weekend trip to _____________ and we had a blast.
More so a wonderful memory than an actual physical gift if that makes sense.
Totally agree here, there are
Totally agree here, there are all kinds of destination gifts out there, pick something he likes and then find the matching destination. Legos = Lego Land, Sci fi stuff = sci fi convention, museums, waterparks, etc, doesn't have to be expensive either sometimes there are great places in your own backyard that are more reasonable than you think.
Go for experiences. Like
Go for experiences. Like baseball games in the summer.
Time spent with SS will mean
Time spent with SS will mean more than some piece of electronics. He won't realize it until later in life when he looks back on it but that's what you do with kids, plant seeds liberally and hope they take root.
If BM wants to raise him in a shallow way, that's fine but if DH's values are different, this is a perfect way to practice them with SS.
I agree with those who've
I agree with those who've said give him an experience. A ballgame with Dad, a show, a concert, a theme park, a trip . . . . Something where he can spend quality time with his father doing something they'd enjoy. Does the boy have any non-tech hobbies? Does he like to fish or golf or build things?
We've discussed redoing his
We've discussed redoing his bedroom as his "big" gift and just give him a few little things to actually open. SS has been wanting a "cool bunk-bed" and a few other things for his room. DH is just worried that SS wouldn't receive that well as a gift...
You can be creative with the
You can be creative with the "gift" part. I agree that at this age, it's good to have gifts to open. You can put a picture of bunk beds in a box and wrap that. Wrap up new pillows. Get him a new alarm clock. Decorations he might like based on his interests. Bet you can come up with six or more gifts on the redecorating theme.
Kids remember trips
There whole life. Trip to Disney, Trip to *******. What we did at this hotel. And we are talking Days inns type hotels. Trip OKC or Texas. Has to be some find thing going on . Train trip, living on a train for a day or two, YELP it ?
Thanks everyone for the
Thanks everyone for the suggestions. I really love the idea of a trip or just taking him to his favorite place. I'll be bringing it up to DH
I try and reassure myself that when SS grows up a little, (hopefully) he'll be able to see and look back at how DH and I prioritized giving him quality time and good memories vs. just spoiling him with expensive gifts.
The greatest gift is giving.
Agree with the other suggestions about experiences/activities, where SS can have memories to last a lifetime. One slight comment about the bedroom over-do, however. As adults, we would look at a room redecoration "gift" positively but no so sure a 10 year old would. I could be wrong but I think at that age they are considering this is stuff that just happens as part of the household not something they get as a personal gift. I just think of his friends asking, "What did you get for Christmas?" and he says a room redecoration. I don't mean to be critical of the idea, I'm just thinking cautiously.
If his gift is a fun adventure or experience (including a "gift" to open - like maybe a golf club(s) with time at a driving range, fishing pole with gift card so he can pick out tackle, art supplies with class in art/cartooning, etc.) he will enjoy it and can also brag to all his friends how cool it is! Who knows, maybe start a whole new trend where kids get off electronic devices for awhile (ha ha).
However, one thing you can do with him (if you don't already) is to go together and do some kind of service/project/gift for those less fortunate. Whether it's wrapping gifts for kids in the hospital, helping out with holiday events at a senior center, buying disadvantaged kids Christmas gifts, etc. Let him experience the true meaning of the season.
You said he has a heart of gold. That in and of itself is a wonderful thing! Give him an opportunity to use his good heart for good things. Make it a new holiday tradition that he does with his dad each year. The gift of helping others is a present he can give himself over his entire lifetime, unlike the latest expensive gadget that his mom gives him.
This also.
This also.
I once was employed by a man
I once was employed by a man that gave his 13 year old DD a horse for her birthday; he had it delivered, on her birthday, while he was on a business trip, which was most of the time, as well as his excuse all the time.
They lived on a beautiful ranch, in a beautiful home, with all the conveniences for all the toys. I was there the day the horse was delivered and helped prepare the private stall for it.
While we were getting the beauty settled in, DD turned to me, with tears in her eyes, said to me: "Sammigirl, all I want for my birthday is for my Dad to be home."
Planning an inexpensive year together, putting it in a gift certificate, then keeping your promise, is the most perfect gift.
Let us know what you came up with. Good luck. Put some vacation clothing under the tree and his written promise with them.
I started a scrap book for my niece of all her adventures; you might start one with him to remember the time spent with him over these growing years. He can add to it, with his Dad and you after each outing.
I vote for memories
I agree with making memories. I am 44 years old and have never in my life had a birthday. My son is 25 and due to being very poor single mother he has only had a few as a small kid. I look at kids these days and they get everything. My step daughter has gotten some pretty expensive gifts and grows out of them fast. Let her waste her money and you make memories because kids always remembers where you took them.