OT -DH family not including me...
So - perhaps I am being overly emotional about this ch!t.
DH has a big - very big famiy on his side. And I feel like the entire time I have been ignored, and blocked out, over 4.5 years. Like an appendage, a wall flower. I only go to gatherings and the occasional dinner. But I have been to pretty much EVERY gathering. And its the same thing, always. They get into their cliques. Its all about them. And what an awesome, loving family they are. Ive never been engaged in a conversation, I have tried many times to engage them in conversations, only to be ignored.
This morning, Munchkin SD12 said how she "keeps getting all the group family texts". About Christmas plans, for the "family getting together".
What the ever living eff does a 12 year old child care and what does she have to do with it? They have been told by DH to please not include her in things that arent relevant to her. Forget about the fact that she isnt even going to be there.
When I got upset, DH got mad and then I told him his entire family can eff off. That got him madder, and me even more upset. So he has just been lashing out more and more over the course of the day.
Its to the point where I just want to excuse myself from anymore of his "family gatherings", especially after he shared with me that many were "angry that they werent invited to the wedding". What wedding? We eloped. 4 people were there. I didnt get an engagement ring, honeymoon (the ex spend our wedding night texting DH about how devasted "the girls were") I didnt get the wedding presents or the showers, well wishes from family. So what wedding are they exactly upset that they didnt get to attend?
Im glad that I didnt have a big wedding - his side is over 60 people alone. For what? So they can eat and drink and be merry on MY dime, and still ignore me?
And DH is mad that I texted they can eff off. He said "be careful what you say about my family. You need to respect them." Like they have respected me? Oh please, get over yourself. My family on the other had has embraced him completely, and always respected him and his daughters.
Maybe Im just being a baby about things.
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Let me get this straight?
Let me get this straight? They are mad cuz they weren't invited to your wedding??? Were they also mad that they weren't invited to your DH's wedding? As if you made the decision on your own!! smh
My favorite part is at the family gatherings when they decide to do the group family pictures to post online. I don't think my husband's family does it on purpose but I just don't matter to them. I am guessing BM was in his old family pictures.. I should ask to see Christmas past pics and find out... hmmmm
Sidelines only please!
Photos are easily cropped if you keep the appendages, er spouses and SO's on the side.
DH was previously married and his exes father paid for everything. It was an outoor backyard wedding with bbq, and he spent most of the time cooking for everyone. SO, yes, the first wedding, everyone was invited. I didnt want to spend what is essentially a downpayment on a house, on a big wedding. We did it very inexpensively. Bare bones.
It took over 4 years to be included in photos. And yes, she probably is in some, since Golden Uterus bore him his golden chidlren.
Now he said that he doesnt deal well with emotional texts, it needs to be in person. So I called him to talk it over.
It sounds like things started
It sounds like things started off badly with his side of the family from the beginning. Even though the two of you "eloped" you still had 4 people there and none were from DH's side. Are you really surprised that no one gave you gifts or a shower when you didn't invite them to your wedding? It may seem petty but resentments at being snubbed (how they see it) can be taken to the grave. Your intentions don't matter it's all about how they perceived it.
They may think that since none of them got an invite to your "wedding" that you must not really want to be part of the family so why bother including you. I know mothers who would never forgive their kid if they eloped. I'd be a bit peeved if one of my kids ran off, had 4 important people at their wedding and I wasn't one of them. I'd be hurt because I thought we were close and should have shared such a special moment together. Obviously this is not all your fault, I'm sure DH was in on it too but of course they will take it out on you rather than one of their own.
I think the first thing for you to do is eat your humble pie and acknowledge their feelings and admit your part in it. Next receive your lashes then keep moving forward. Once you admit your fault they can't keep punishing you with it. About the group texts, just let it go. In their mind they're doing you a favor by not including you. Don't punish DH for that.
4 people, 2 from each side
Sorry - I wasnt clear. My two parents were there, he had 2 to choose from. He decided only 2 from each side. He chose 2 close friends. With his family being so large, if you invite 2 you piss off 100...One reason, also that his mother wasnt included - she is almost 98 and very fragile. I did suggest a few family members but he was a solid "no".
Also, I didnt expect all the extras...I know its the trade-off - you elope, you get nothing lol. I guess that I am regretting my decision to elope, but still happy we did it. It was so lovely, in the forest, by a stream, sunny day. the ceremony was gifted us by my friend.
I see your point, however. Not including me might be a blessing in disguise. And I also agree that not including them, caused them to think I did not want to be a part of the family. I did not think of this - thanks.
I cannot imagine that the
I cannot imagine that the wedding is really the issue. The wedding took place recently. Her DH's family has been excluding her and ignoring her at gatherings for 4 years.
Rigjt?
If they weren't comp!aiming about being left out of an elopement, it would be something else.
Clove, your H needs to straighten his rellies out. They sound like a lot of drama.
I was married to my first
I was married to my first husband for over twenty years. I always felt like the odd one out. The sisters and sister in laws would on holidays and family gatherings talk about things they did together. I was never invited.
When my husband died I only kept in touch with them because I still had a minor child (who I thought should have contact with his dad's family). Once he became an adult, and was on his own, I figured I'd never hear from them again.
But life is funny. I've remarried. They seem to like me now. They invite me and my husband to weddings, showers, significant birthday parties, etc. The nieces and nephews still call me aunt. They even call my second husband uncle.
I didn't do anything different. I was and am the same as when my first husband was alive. Well, not quite - older, grayer, heavier.
Find someone you like and likes you, and sit with them at these family gatherings. I had an aunt who was my family buddy for years. There are a limited number of these things a year. You can get through it.
I don't associate
With any of his family. SD has poisoned all family members. Bahumbug is all I could add to their gathering. I choose to not be part of the dysfunction.