Triplet SDS vs SM. AT MY WITS END

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Well it has taken me 3 1/2 years but I think I have finally figured out that my triplet SDS18 (OSD,MSD,YSD) are trying to destroy my marriage. We used to only get get EOW until a year ago when BM got married to a man she didn't care to introduce to her daughers. They literally came from school and found out she was married and have a new SF. I don't blame them for being angry/hurt over that. They've been living with us for a year now and I can't take it anymore.

This weekend the sabotage became so apparant that I couldn't believe I didn't see it before. The sad part is that their Dad still does not see what they're doing. He is so blind to their manipulation that he is letting them drive a wedge so big between us that I am not sure that I have the energy to try to pull it out.

Here is a summary of events. SDS moved back in with us last September . I tried to tell my husband that I didn't think I could take having them in the house again (They have no respect for me at all and constanly break the rules without having any consquences) and he accused me of not having any compassion when it came to his daughter. I was stunned.After everything I have done for this girl since I came into their lifes, I just couldn't believe he would say that to me. We let them move back in, but made them sign an agreement which outlined all our expectations and the consequences if they didn't follow them. Well, they has only lived up to 1 of them and it is just excuse after excuse. MSD has $2000 in credit card debt that we have been receiving harassing phone calls about since February. She has made 1 $80 payment on the one card and no payments on the rest. She gets a job and quits because she doesn't like it or some other lame excuse. What it really boils down to is that she doesn't want to work. DH ended up paying it off. She just wants to sleep till noon and then play with her friends the rest of the day and night.

DH developed the basement for them and put 3 graciously sized bedrooms so they could each have their own and YSD's room is constant pigsty. Their bathroom (Yes they have their own bathroom as well) hasn't been cleaned either. Clothes laying everywhere, dirty underwear, you name it. Laundry hasn't been in weeks. They has use the same bath towel during this time which normally gets left on the floor and is walked over and then used to dry the body the next time they takes a shower. The dog lays on it as well. OSD told her Dad yesterday (of course when I wasn't home) that I won't let her do laundry. So he asked me why I won't let her do laundry. I told him I had no idea what she was talking about that she was always gone before I came home from work and never home before midnight. I didn't understand why she couldn't do it during the day because I was at work. He proceeded to tell me that I just needed to loosen up and stop trying to impose my rules on his daughter because she was raised differently than my boys and it wasn't fair to them.

I tried to tell him that all I asked the SDS to do was basic stuff like: keep their rooms and bathroom clean, clean up after themselves in the kitchen and to work like the rest of us do so that theycould pay off her bills. He just kept saying that I was treating her unfairly compared to my boys. Well, I think you get the picture. We have a family vacation planned in the upcoming weeks. We leave Friday the 21st for a week on the beach in North Carolina. I could really use some time way from them but their coming as well YAYY (note the sarcasm).

Our lives were so much better when they were living with BM. I kind you not sometimes I wish they would just leave. Sometimes I think leaving would be much easier than dealing with this BS but I have BS3 to think about as well. Plus my BS15 (from previous marriage) really adores DH. When it was just the four of us, everything was simple. Now I dread coming home most days.

I love DH so much, it just kills me to be at odds with him. He is such a good man is so many other ways, but when it comes to his daughters, he just looses it. I think I have gone above and beyond for his girls and all I get is a stab in the back. He needs to wake up and take off the rose colored glasses because I just don't think I can live like this anymore.

Triplet stepdaughters

Triplet stepdaughters *shudder*

Let the basement become a hazardous waste zone, who cares. You probably only have to go down there for laundry, and if they want to live in filth that's their problem.

Make DH clean up after them in the kitchen if he won't make them do it. Focus on your sons and your own sanity.

I would have absolutely zero patience, though, for DH believing them over me. That's the only hill that I would die on. Otherwise, I'd disengage, do nothing for them, and let DH handle all aspects of parenting/care/help/finances for them.

I've read post about people

I've read post about people dealing with only one Skid....I'm so envious of those posters.

I only ever go into the basement to do laundry anyways. They made the mess so they can clean it up. I don't have time and I refuse to pick up after them.

DH does clean up after them. He actually picks up their clothes and puts it away from them. It's gotten to the point there he even does their laundry for them. Thankfully he only washes their clothes. Their bras and panties is theirs to wash. He cleans up the kitchen after them too. SMH

I've disenaged from them for a few months now and DH knows this. He handles everything and anything to do with them.

I have only one skid, and it

I have only one skid, and it's a boy. He's not the worst skid, all in all, and DH is a good parent - it's BM that's the nightmare. I'm glad it wasn't a stepdaughter, they seem toughest.

I'd have a lot of trouble respecting your DH.

I wish I had a Stepson. I

I wish I had a Stepson. I would glady trade one of the SDS for a SS. Stepdaughters are next to impossible.

Same. I've lost a lot of respect for him over the past few months

Buy a snow shovel and scrape

Buy a snow shovel and scrape all of their shit into a pile in their bathroom. If they can't use it because it is loaded with their crap they will address it. Three 18yo girls can't survive without a bathroom to primp and get ready in.

When shit hits the floor, scrape it into their bathroom. If they don't get it under control... call a clean up service to disenfect the basement and haul their crap to a charity or the dump.

Do not debate this situation with your DH. Just call bullshit on his gaslighting you with the crap that you don't care about his Trips. These are not young children. These are 18yo young women who need to be held accountable for living like humans rather than animals and who should suffer intollerable consequences for their crap. If they don't like it... they can GTF out.

Triplets? Really?

Triplets? Really?

We all need to meet at this poor woman's house for her intervention. I'll bring wine.And Cenvue...when we leave there...you're coming with us.

It's good you agreed on rules for the girls before they moved back. But you also need to negotiate an exit clause for yourself -- especially because you suspected this wouldn't work out and YOU would be the person most unhappy with the situation.

The exit clause is something like, "...and if the girls do not follow these rules, I may pull the plug on them living here without you giving me a hard time, because after all, I have twice given this living situation a try because they needed somewhere to live, not because I needed somewhere to live. Furthermore, if I pull that plug you, their dad, must tell them they must be out within 60 days and if they aren't out by then, we'll evict. Agreed?" And if he doesn't agree, you don't let them move in. Period.

Yea, this is a hard, hard line for you to draw, but he's asking a helluva lot considering this arrangement already crashed and burned once.

If you didn't include something like that, you have no leverage and you'll need to start all over again getting them out the hard way. Good luck with that...

Yes...unfortunately.

Please do come! I would very much much appreciate it.

We've had discussions about the very same thing and it always ends up with my husband making excuses for them. How hard is it to pick up after yourself? They don't have to like me, just treat me with respect- like how you tolerant a teacher you don't seem to get along with. Just be respectful and respect will be reciporated.

If they were't at odds with BM, he would glady have done it. He did it last time too and our relationship improved drastically. This time he probably won't and I doubt he will back me up either. Sometimes I regret ever putting myself in this situation in the first place

Triplets?

Triplets? Step-daughter triplets??? And an indulgent father who believes something so stupid as you "not letting them do laundry"......sorry but that is a horror movie that writes itself. "Rosemary"s Baby" has nothing on what you are dealing with. My only suggestion is to let him deal with them himself as much as possible. Live your life with your sons and leave their messes for him to clean up. If the kitchen is trashed then you just so happen to have plans with your sons to have dinner out. Have a hidden stash of towels for you and them. Let your DH deal with the shortage caused by them hoarding them. Don't tell him about the chaos they are causing. Let him find out for himself. There is no way you are going to be able to fight the three of them head on without YOU looking like the real problem.

I've let him take full reins

I've let him take full reins of his daughters. He handels eveything to do with them. I only focus on myself and my sons. He picks up after them, cleans after them, and even washes their clothes... I have no words on this how ordeal has turned out

Are they at least graduating

Are they at least graduating from high school and headed to college?

Thankfully, Yes!

All 3 three on them were on the honor roll. Unfortunately the college campus is only 50 minute drive from our house, so they're going to be living here while in college. Thankfully DH has told them that they have to take a full course load and work on the weekends (we'll see about this). Their very serious about their education, so I'm happy about that at least

So he has

So he has turned himself into their lady-in-waiting? The Cinderella to the ugly stepsisters? This movie has gotten even better. Next time he is driving you crazy bending to their every whim, imagine him in a French maid's outfit scurrying around to do their bidding while they throw shoes at him. It won't make things actually any better but it will at least give you an internal grin.

HAHAHAHAHA

French maid's outfit- Thank you for that!

Maybe we should start a

Maybe we should start a CARAVAN and pickup all our imprisoned sisters along the way!

We'll need a lot of wine.

It's good he's cleaning up after them.

...because at least he is taking responsibility himself and is not dumping it on you.

BUT! Does he invest the same amount of time in doing other things around the house that benefit you and the boys? If not, this will become a foundation for resentment. I would get pissed if I saw that my DH was investing more household time and MONEY on 3 adults rather than focus on his minor child.

If his SD cleaning time takes away even one minute from the time/attention he should be spending with your BS3, then shame on him.

Likewise, the $2,000 he spent to pay off SDS credit card debt (for crap, I assume) could have been invested for BS. Sit your DH down and look at the math: Calculate what $2,000 invested would look like after 10, 20 or even 50 years. That $2K he coughed up for trivial credit card debt could have provided SDS with a nice little nest egg some day.

Or ... that $2K in credit card debt would have provided a nice little nest egg for BS3 some day. In any case, your DH needs to get his head out of his butt. The only thing he is being successful at right now is teaching his daughters how to be entitled brats and alienating his (and your) son as well as you. This is a ripe feeding ground for resentment.

What bio mom

did was wrong. Get your DH to try to open up your triplet SD's (YIKES!!!!!!) minds to forgiveness and reconnecting with mommy dearest. Perhaps bio mom did what she did (as wrong as it is) because she knew what a disaster her DD's were, and they would try to break up her relationship (and that would be pathetic...)??? IDK, anything is worth a shot to try and salvage some sanity.

I feel so bad for you!!