I can't forgive my SD
I'm new here. I stumbled across this space by looking for info on how to deal with my situation.
My husband and I have been married for12 years. He has always had custody of his daughter. She was 2 when we met (14 now). She was horribly spoiled from the beginning. She's been a pathalogical liar since she could speak well enough. My husband would believe every outrageous claim that she made. She got tons of complaints from every teacher she's ever had. He would not do anything about it. She doesn't respect me at all. Has told countless lies about me.
Well, her behavior consistently got worse with time. My husband only recently opened his eyes to the lies and crazy manipulation from this girl, but only after she did something so despicable that I flat out cannot move past it.
About a year and a half ago my little dog started getting sick. I loved my dog with all of my heart. The vet couldn't figure out what was wrong. My dog finally got so sick that I had to have her euthanized.
One of the neighborhood kids came to see me right after this happened and told me that my SD had told some younger kids in the neighborhood that she had killed my dog and she would kill them to. She's a terrible bully. ALWAYS trying to intimidate and control smaller children. I told my husband, (SD wasn't home right then). He turned her room upside down and found a bag of rat poison in her room.
He confronted her about it and she angrily denied it (she had always hit animals and had been banned from some family members homes because of harsh treatment by her to their pets).
My husband had her Baker Acted. She was diagnosed with RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). Due to no bonding with BM during infancy. (I love how in here BM means bio-mom, but in regular terms means bowel movement, that's exactly what I think of that woman).
My husband feels terrible about all the years of BS his kid put me through and he's definitely not buying her crap anymore but I still absolutely despise this girl. She hasn't caused us any trouble recently but it's not because she hasn't tried. Her lies just aren't being acknowledged.
This summer she is spending with her BM. That woman has called several times crying about this brat's behavior, which reinforced my husband's knowledge that the problems are definitely with his daughter. EVERYWHERE she goes there is controversy.
I don't really want a relationship with SD. I would like to just have as little to do with her as possible. I really just want to not feel this burning anger. For the most part I handle it well. But the anger and disgust I feel whenever I look at her is still very raw.
That is completely a sign of
That is completely a sign of sociopathy. What a scary, sick girl.
I could never forgive this either. My dogs are my world.
Do something
You now can be next on her list to get ride of
Who cares if she’s your SD –
Who cares if she’s your SD – she could be the queen of the universe or the president of the world & I wouldn’t want to see her murderous face ever again. 100% a sociopath. I have very strong feelings about the protection of animals. I’m so sorry for the loss of your little dog. You say your DH is finally on board, please, make sure he stays that way. I’m not sure that he’s reacting strongly enough for my liking but I don’t know the specifics of your situation – just don’t let him slip back into denial. Your feelings of anger are justified & I commend you for wanting to move on from them, I don't know how to recommend you do that though, just reading your post made me angry.
That is absolutely awful. I
That is absolutely awful. I am so sorry for everything you have gone through. Your poor dog. What a horrible girl. I doubt that I could ever get past that.
Do not ever let that POS
Do not ever let that POS within a mile of you.
You said she's spending this
You said she's spending this summer with her BM. I hope that doesn't mean she'll be returning to your home after the summer is over. There would be no way I would live with that sociopathic murderer again. No way.
Welcome to the site!
If an SD of mine had killed my dog with rat poison, she would never come within 5 miles of me, ever again!
This child needs to be put in
This child needs to be put in a residential program and not allowed in your home.
No words for this
Imagine how that poor dog suffered. That lunatic evil piece of shit should be locked up for life or worse. This is so extreme that I would tell my husband it's her or me - if he wanted to continue being a father to that evil monster he could not be married to me. That girl is a total waste of space in this world.
Wow!! I would be DONE! I love
Wow!! I would be DONE! I love my dogs like they're my children!!! I woulnd't be able to move past this. How awful for you. I'm so sorry. Who's to say that she wouldn't start doing the same thing to you? What a psycho!!! I'd leave until she moves out. Even then, she'll never really be gone. Ugh. What a tough situation for you.
A future serial killer in the
A future serial killer in the making....they always start off by killing animals and wouldn't be surprised if in the future she ramped it up and planned to poison you next.
I have no idea how you can live under the same roof as that psychopath. I'd pack my bags and go. Just think of the premeditated measures she took of poisoning your dog for God knows how long....seeing your pet suffering and she had no guilt about it......None!
Agree it often starts off this way with minor torture of animals
Then they kill an animal after sexually abusing them, then they go onto molest kids, then next step is paedophile or serial killer. Thats the normal escalation that happens.
years ago i saw a documentary where they had done research and they said psychos like this actually have elevated levels of a particular chemical or a specific genetic marker. The research was done to confirm if its environmental or genetic
This is so sick and twisted.
This is so sick and twisted. She’s obviously a sociopath and I would be very, very worried that you’re her next target. Who’s to say she hasn’t put rat poison in any of your foods. Maybe things only you consume like a certain beverage or snack. I mean, just poisoning a pet was methodical. It wasn’t an impulsive move. Its pure evil. Is it possible to have charged with animal abuse? Either way, its ultimatum time for sure. You or the murderer. Period.
What an evil little cunt. Get
What an evil little cunt. Get away from that toxic situation, for the love of God! It's only going to get worse as she gets older and becomes legally culpable for her deplorable actions. Then you'll be dealing with all the family drama surrounding her going to jail. If you stay, then do not allow that scum into your home.
pursue legal action against her
You found the rat poison in her room. Why did you not pursue legal action and file against her? I cannot believe your only thought is what YOU should do from now on. She tortured and killed a dog. She should pay for it. Aren't you going to do anything to see that she does?
It’s called a preponderance of the evidence
she would a toxicology report from the dog and unless the cops found the bag of rat poison in her room it would be hard to prove...
OP I realize I am reading
OP I realize I am reading your post rather late in the game.
It is not your obligation, morally or legally to forgive. Some people and some persons actions are not forgivable. I truly believe based on my experience folks who are quick to say" I FORGIVE so and so for blah blah" struggle years and years post event because what they proclaimed to the masses, is not how they really feel inside. Its a push me pull me situation...
Please give yourself permission to not forgive an act so awful, it really isnt your job to do---but give yourself the ok to be OK with not forgiving. Dh child must ask for forgivness first AND truely mean it.
There may be a time you will feel differently,,,,maybe not...and that is ok too.
HUGE red flag when a kid hurts animals...HUGE HUGE HUGE...
I am sorry your having to live through this hell. Your not alone. We are here to help in any way we can... (((HUGS))))
That is pure evil
The calculated planning that has gone into that. A purely despicable and evil act.
I love animals especially dogs with their beautiful and trusting nature. Most children love animals too. What is wrong with your SD to be so cruel to an animal? The act was designed to inflict pain and suffering on the dog but was also a master stroke in her mind by taking away one of the things you love the most. I would take her to the police station myself and if DH didn’t remove her from the household permanently I would end the marriage.
How can you possibly come back from this?
lorlors---anyone who hurts
lorlors---anyone who hurts animals has severe underlying mental health issues that need to be diagnosed quickly by a professional. Big Red Flag
I agree Goodluck
This is one of the most awful things I have read on here. It beggars belief.
SD
This girl is so twisted that she not only pretend to be so concerned for my dog's health when she got sick she also wrote this awful note (except she thought it actually sounded caring, that said...(my dog was a Scottish Terrier named Maggie)... Don't stress too much, there's other Scotties out there.....
As though my Maggie was a broken dish simply to be replaced by a lookalike. I guess I don't really care about the actual forgiving part, as much as I just want to not feel rage and anguish.
Thank you all so much for your comments. They really did help.
I am so sorry that you have
I am so sorry that you have had to deal with this evil daughter of Dahmer at all in your life.
That DH has apparently gained clarity is critical. I hope that his clarity continues to gain crispness and that he keeps her firmly under control.
What she did to your dog should never be forgiven and were I you I would get a new large, big fanged monster dog that would chew on her evil ass each time she was in view.
smh
Big dog
Believe it or not, I had given that one some thought. Once the neighborhood kids found out about it (especially the ones that she has terrorized), they cornered her and gave her a well deserved a$@ whooping. They all loved playing with my sweet Maggie.
All I could think was..."that was for you, Mags"
Gotta love the neighborhood
Gotta love the neighborhood kids of character for whoopin up on SD's toxic ass. Nothing less than a bully deserves. Too bad they didn't force feed her a less than fatal dose of rat poison so she could feel a little bit of what Mags felt.
I shudder at the thought of what my parents would have applied as discipline if my brother's and/or I had done what your toxic SD has done.
Youve got a real sicko
SD14 has been sick for a long long time, and perhaps no one ever knew it. Except you. Now that DH is realizing what her true nature is, what can you 2 do about it? Can you have BM have sole custody?
Im so sorry you went through that and your sweet pooch had to suffer so much. It is truly heartbreaking. Im lucky in that Munchkin SD13 is truly caring about animals (so much so that we have 2 lizards, 2 rabbits, a dog and two birds. ) Its the BM Toxic Troll and her spawn Feral Forger that are my thorns.
I had thought that the parent that has the legal custody is required to take care of child until they are 18. You will need to look into the laws to see what recourses you have.
Definitely look into nanny cams. For food products, have your DH test them first! LOL. Jk.
Take care of you! <3
I'm so sorry about your pup and that you are having to face this. I just got a new puppy a few months ago and have been worried SD16 might be cruel to him in my absence. He's my baby, so I can't imagine coming back from that in a healthy way if a SKID intentionally harmed him to spite me. I agree with the other poster that some things are unforgiveable and no one should expect you to forgive this, especially without SD showing true remorse.
I hope she is getting some professional help and they are giving you some guidance on what to expect in the coming years. Having gone through hell with 2 teenage/young adult SDs and now SD16, all having serious mental health issues stemming mostly from BM abandonment, I can tell you I wish I would have reported their illegal activity along the way. Yesterday, SD16 came back to the house after a huge altercation where she threatened to hit me and then left for a week. After 6 years of caring and forgiving, I have hit my limit and I have decided to allow myself to not take her crap anymore. I told her, "Don't ever threaten me again. I'm not f-ing with you anymore. You threaten me again or do anything illegal I will immediately call the police from this point on. I should have called them when you threatened to hit me." Her response? Eye roll, smirk, and, "Whatever. You should have called them then." So, my only advice at this point, knowing what SD has already done to your dog, would be to report EVERYTHING illegal or threatening if you intend to stay in this situation. Get a paper trail. Get some hidden cameras in all common places and your personal rooms. Hell, if DH and BM aren't really getting her proper psychiatric help, contact CPS or speak privately with someone at her school or her doctor about your concerns so you can remain anonymous. I regret not doing these things much sooner because to allow a seriously mentally disturbed child to continue unchecked...well, those kinds of mental health issues don't just work themselves out, ya know?
I sincerely wish the best for your peace of mind and safety. You are right to be concerned, angry, and disgusted. Just don't let it destroy you! Take care of you! {Big Hug}
I was so deeply saddened to
I was so deeply saddened to read your story. I too had a situation with my stepdaughter and my little dog but nothing to the degree of your situation. She let our little dog out to use the bathroom and shut the door on her after we had told her you have to walk outside with her or she will run off (she was only 1 at the time). My daughter pulled up our driveway and could not see Abi and ran over her. Thankfully a great surgeon was able to save her life but $4,000 later. It's been 3 years now and I still harbor anger, resentment and unforgiveness toward my SD19 for this. My biggest issue is she never owned her part in my dog getting ran over and never apologized to me. My daughter felt horrible and was as devastated as what I was.
I hope you find the peace and forgiveness you need to move on. I know it can be crippling. If you are like me, your dog is like your child.
Protection from abuse
I think it’s reasonable to file for a protection from abuse order in a court if that is an option where you live. I also think you may find it helpful to speak with a therapist who can validate your fears and feelings and help you get through this. I’m very sorry to hear that this happened to you. It sounds really terrifying and stressful.