Do I have to continue to see Adult Stepdaughter? I'm done!
I'm almost 60 years old, been married for 29 years and together with my husband for 31 years. Stepdaughter was almost 7 when I met them, 9 when we were married and she's 37 years old now with an 8 year old daughter of her own (single mother). For years, she has had "behavior disorders" as a child, erratic and risky behavior as a teen and young adult, bi-polar diagnosis (supposedly, but also been called personality disorder). Her childhood was marked by abandonment issues with her bio mother who also had drug problems but has since cleaned up her act. They currently have a relationship which I believe to be stable. Over 3 decades my SD has had screaming fits toward both of her parents at various times, many I have witnessed though she seldom went at me. I maintained a middleman status and tried to be a voice of reason many times. My husband has been depressed or disgusted about her outbursts and I've tried to go along with whatever he wanted in the relationship with his daughter. The last time she went off on him was in June of 2017 when they were on a road trip that I was not on. She played the grandchild card with him (you'll never see my child again). At that point I told my husband I was through with her. He can have whatever relationship he wants with she and her daughter but I can't stand idly by and watch these blow ups hurt him. It hurts him tremendously and she brings nothing to me but toxicity. There is virtually no pleasure in this relationship for me. There were no words exchanged between she and I at all. I simply stayed out of it. After well over a year she called and apologized to her father and they have seen each other 3x in 2.5 years. He now claims she wants to come over for Christmas, keeping in mind she and I have had zero communcation this whole time. I find it just too awkward, I feel completely done, and I don't want to participate. I have told my husband again, he is free to have any and all relationship with SD and granddaughter. I just do not have any affectionate feelings for her at all and can't fake it. Is it best to continue staying out of it at this point? I do not like her, and I don't want a negative effect from me to be seen by her daughter. What is advised in a situation like this? PS--if SD cared about me at all, she would have wondered why I've been completely vacant. Again, I have not seen her, nor have I blocked her or avoided a contact by her. She has been as vapid as I have.